(Closed) what the heck

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Don’t send them an invitation! That should help them get the hint!  Also, definitely be very upfront – as awkward as it is, it makes it much easier when people hint at being invited if I put a stop to it immediately and explain that they probably are not going to be invited.  I don’t even think you owe anyone an explanation as to why.  Good lucK!

Post # 4
Member
9548 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MrsWBS:  +1 except that it’s an easy excuse to mention that you’re trying to keep the guest list very small.

Post # 5
Member
1111 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It’s not uninviting if you never invited them in the first place.  Don’t send them an invitation, and they’ll know they aren’t invited.  If they confront you about it, explain that you are having a small wedding.  It might feel uncomfortable, but it’s rude for anyone to assume they’re invited!

Post # 6
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You can always do what I am doing and blaming it on the super small budget.

Post # 7
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

My sister was having major issues with people adding guests when they weren’t invited to bring one.  The best advice I read was to explain to these people that are inviting themselves or adding a plus one that you’ve put a lot of time into paring down the guest list to what is manageable for your budget.  You even had to exclude some family and good friends to keep the list down.  As difficult and uncomfortable as it may be, you have to be up front about it.

Post # 9
Member
46653 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@janicemarie24:  I would not make a general announcement re where you are registered. That will definitely be interpreted by some as a gift grab.

Those who want to get you a gift will do so of their own accord.

I would also not use budget as an excuse for not inviting someone. There is sure to be someone who will volunteer to pay their own plate or do so for other people they want to bring. Just say you are unable to add to the list.

Post # 10
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

If you suspect that people might “add guests” when the invitations go out, you could try using the “We have reserved (number) of seats in your honor” wording. Some Bees have mentioned that they did still have a few brash, or clueless, wedding guests cross out the number and add people, but most of the time it seems to get the message across.

Post # 11
Member
1111 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@janicemarie24:  Oooh, I would definitely NOT make an announcement to non-guests to let them know where you’re registered.  I think that would be very rude.  People who are trying to invite themselves are doing so because they want to witness & participate in your wedding.  By not inviting them, it’s not like you’re robbing them of the opportunity to spend money on a gift for you.  That’s not what they’re “missing out” on by not being inclued on the guest list.  If someone wants to buy a gift for you even though they’re not invited, they’ll just do it or they’ll ask you where you’re registered.

Post # 12
Member
4431 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would announce “Just sent out my invitations!!!! So excited” the same way you announced that you’ve set your wedding date!

Post # 13
Member
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m struggling with this, too. We have a few people who definitely aren’t invited (because we can’t afford it) who firmly believe that they are. We stopped by our old workplace yesterday to pick something up and my old manager kept asking when the date was (even though I told her via Facebook when we set it). 

Post # 15
Member
1111 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@janicemarie24:  Like your future in-laws are inviting people you don’t want there?

When we were hammering out our guest list, my Fiance and I sat down with my parents and his parents (separately) to discuss who they wanted to invite.  FI’s parents wanted to invite everyone they’d ever met, including friends from 15 years ago who they never see.  We explained that we want to know & have a connection with every single person in attendance.  We’re going for a more intimate wedding and our whole motto regarding the guest list has been: “We don’t want to be meeting people on our wedding day.  We want to have a personal connection with everyone who is there.”

Once everyone was on the same page, things have gone smoothly.  No one should be inviting people that you aren’t okay with.

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