Post # 1
OK, I’m a little confused and would appreciate any input or thoughts 🙂
Without going into lots of detail; I’ve been with BF 4 years this May 5th. We live together, I have 2 teenage kids that he’s amazing with, we own a business together. In the past I was concerned he would never propose. We talked all that out and agreed marriage was happening and probably within a year at most. I dropped the subject entirely and plan to let it happen.
Skip to now. Things have been amazing. We get along great, we’re loving and don’t fight etc. Our 4 year anniversary is this May 5th but starting yesterday he has been grumpy and withdrawn. I have no clue why. He just started acting weird when he’s with me. When we together he is argumentative and short. When we are not together he is loving, ie; on phone calls he is super sweet, he bought me flowers this morning, made me breakfast etc and I was appreciative and told him I loved him & gave him a back rub. But as soon as we are together alone etc he gets weird again. It’s like when I’m not with him he is thinking of me and being sweet but when he’s in my actual presence he is distracted or bothered.
I’m worried that he feels pressured because our anniversary is coming but I’ve literally not mentioned marriage to him in months. HE ASKED ME if I still liked “the blue ring” (sapphires) a few days ago but I haven’t brought it up. I answered his question (blue or white sapphire, moissy but NO diamonds please) but didn’t continue the conversation or get all excitable.
I really just can’t fathom his attitude lately and I’m worried.
Post # 2
Maybe when he is not with you he is keeping himself busy say at work or out with friends and he just thinks of your core relationship which makes him really happy.
Then when he is alone with you he starts to think and the engagement/proposal comes into his head and maybe he is feeling a little of pressure to do it right or to make it happen.
i would not say anything as of yet, maybe organise a nice date night like a movie where you can enjoy each others company just the two of you but yet he is still a little distracted ?
Post # 3
Thank you for commenting. I was considering a date night..that’s a good idea. I mean its possible he’s just in a funk but its seems to be just with me.
Post # 4
I don’t want to get your hopes too high, but there was a thread about a year ago where a waiting Bee was convinced that her SO was cheating on her. He was withdrawn and cold and awful – turns out he was SO scared that she would figure out he was planning on proposing in a few days that he didn’t want to be too lovey-dovey – so he turned off the charm.
It sounds to me like this might be the case, especially seeing as he has been extra charming when away, as if he just can’t contain himself and his excitement.
Post # 5
Men can be as confusing as women!
My own reaction would be to just come right out and say ‘Hey sweetie, why u being so weird?” ….but this is just what I’d do, not necessarily what’s right.
I agree he may be leading up to a proposal and be scared and nervous. Or trying too hard not to give anything away- thinking if he walks around with a big sappy grin he’ll give himself away, lol but the poor guy has gone overboard with it :p In this scenario maybe it’s not a good idea to say ‘hey why u being so weird?’ but to just ride it out til after your anniversary has passed.
He may also be planning a proposal- but just not so soon (I started a thread about this very thing just a few days ago). He might be planning something for June or the summer or even the fall, but he’s scared you’ll have your hopes up for this anniversary and he’s worried you’ll be upset if this isn’t ‘it’.
Post # 6
Like pps – I’ve had friends tell me their SOs went quite funny with them leading up to the proposal… I’m wondering, especially with him asking you about the blue ring…
Post # 7
That could be…I won’t be getting my hopes up though 🙂
Actually I did ask him but I wish now I wouldn’t have…just in case he’s planning to propose. His response was short and slightly annoyed. Basically just a quick “nothing is wrong, relax”. I knew at that point continuing the conversation would either end up pissing me off (dismissive & grumpy responses don’t work well with me) OR pissing him off (nagging and insisting something is ” wrong” when its not doesn’t work with him). We’re normally a great match because I don’t nag or create issues where there are none and he is never dismissive. I DO hope you’re right though and it’s a proposal. At the very least I hope its about work stressors or anything but unhappiness with me..
Thank you! I appreciate the positive comments 🙂
Post # 8
tarabunny: I actuallly got into a fight with my DH the night before the proposal. We went to a wedding and there he kept making stupid jokes about how the guy is now chained down, and how guys always feel pressured if they are not engaged at someone else’s wedding and how he isn’t so sure about marriage. Keep in mind that I have never brought up marriage to him at all. So after enough jokes I finally got fed up and said “If this is you hinting that you don’t want to marry me you don’t have to!” and then I walked out of the wedding. The next day I was still pissed when we went out to walk around….until he popped the question. I guess he was nervous about proposing so he was just trying to make it seem like it was the last thing he wanted to do…Men are funny that way.