- 4 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
On May 9th, in what was supposed to be my 11th week of pregnancy, I went to my second prenatal appointment with my obgyn. We had already seen the heartbeat, and I expected to have an ultrasound and see a baby that was starting to look like a baby. Instead, I found out our baby had stopped developing a few weeks earlier, but my body “missed” the miscarriage. From that moment to now I have been constantly shocked at miscarriage, and my body’s reaction to it.
The day the doctor told us the baby had stopped developing, he inserted 4 misoprostol pills vaginally to induce a miscarriage at home in an effort to avoid a d&c. I came home that night and experienced a labor of sorts, with contractions and then a sudden need to push. It was excruciating and traumatic, but I was relieved it was over.
I was wrong. While much of the contents of my uterus had emptied as a result of the misoprostol, I continued to bleed for over 6 weeks. I called my doctor after I realized this was not going to stop on it’s own, and he scheduled me for a d&c for July 2nd, the day after my 30th birthday.
The d&c was about as painless as I could have hoped for (though the pitocin they gave me to help dilate before the procedure sucked). I didn’t bleed much after, and my doctor told me I was “all cleaned out,” and could expect to return to normal shortly.
As of today, over 5 weeks later, I still have not had a period. My last period was in February. I feel anything but normal, and so confused by my own body! I’ve always thought of a miscarriage as a sad, quick thing that happened to very few women, but as I go on to my third month of not feeling normal, and I watch two of my friends go through the same experience, I am learning that anything I thought I knew about miscarriage was wrong.
I know this is super long, but I feel like this is something so common, and so rarely spoken about. I guess I’m looking for people to share their own experiences, if they need or want to, to give women who have been here before a chance to feel normal again, and to come to terms with the sense of betrayal they feel towards their own bodies (which is the stage I seem to be in right now).