Post # 1
I have noticed a lot of threads about couples waiting to TTC and there have been many ‘pre-baby bucket lists’ going around. Many of the items on the bucket lists have been in relation to buying a home and travel. So I was wondering, if finances were not an issue, what things would still NOT be possible with a child in your life?
Does it all come down to money?
Fiance and I are getting married October 2014. We already own a house. Fiance already works full-time. By the wedding I would have graduated from university and be working full-time in my dream job as a teacher. We have been on a few large and small holidays.. our second cruise is in July yay! So I guess I was wondering.. WHY do couples wait to TTC? Apart from money, are there any other reasons?
I’d love to hear about your experiences and opinions 🙂
Post # 3
for us it’s not about the money it’s about autonomy and time.
I love waking up at 11am on a saturday, lounging around, going out to brunch and just taking the day as it comes. Can’t do that with a baby.
I love traveling. Can’t leave a baby for 2 weeks while we jet off to Italy.
I love being able to go out whenever we want without worrying about arrangement for a baby.
Basically, I like having MY time to do with as I please.
Post # 4
We wanted at least a year to enjoy newlywed bliss (besides waiting for a home).
Other than that we have no further trips we really want to go on and nothing we can think to accomplish that would make us stronger as parents.
Post # 5
For one, we want time to enjoy just being married. We can go on vacation whenever we want, spend money on whatever we want, etc. We also want time to ourselves. Even though we were together three years before we got married, we want some more “just us” time.
And I have to admit I can be selfish with my time. I don’t like getting up early. I like just lounging around the house without a care. I’m not ready to give that up yet.
Post # 6
We’re trying on the wedding night… So we’re waiting for the Pastor’s blessing (on our union, not our conception!)
Post # 7
For me, it really depends on the availability of child care.
I live a few hours from friends/family and I like to go home a few times a year to visit on long weekends. I don’t know how to do that with small kids, if it is even possible, if I’d have to give it up entirely. What if I end up with a really fussy baby that won’t sleep unless at home? Is it worth having my own kids if it means not seeing my parents for 5-10 years while the kids grow up? And if the kids are teens, they may not want to spend 5+ hours in the car one way , to see their cousins/ granparents (if they even have grandparents left at that point).
I would love if there were some child care option where I can drop off the kids for a few hours to a few days, and then still visit family/friends. But I highly doubt this exists!
Post # 9
The only thing I can think of is … skiing. I hate it so having a baby would get me out of that :D. I’ve traveled on planes with baby’s, driven 6 hours in a car one way with a 1yr. old, my parents drove from NY to TX to FL to NY with me at 9mos old.
My brother drove the 15 hours to my wedding with a 2yr. &4yr olds. I’ve also driven 8 hours one way with a 2 year old that had night terrors, that’s the eyes wide open still dreaming and screaming at the top of their lungs night terrors. You do alot of night traveling, so they sleep, you buy a few dvd players and call it a day.
You may have to stop a few more times then you would for adults but you let them run around and toss them back in the car.
Post # 10
Enjoy time together because when you have children everything is so different.
I had my children young and Im really glad I did as when they are grown up I will be able to travel and have more freedom which I was not able to do before.
Post # 11
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@kfiorita: Being able to just drop everything for a spontaneous trip is practically impossible. If the kid is coming with you then you have to plan ahead for sleeping arrangements, pack tons of kid crap (stroller, carrier, diaper bag, etc…) and arrange kid-friendly entertainment/activities or babysitting at your destination. If the kid isn’t coming with you then you have to find someone willing to watch them (which gets more difficult the longer you plan to be gone; plus you feel a bit bad about leaving them.)
Have you ever watched the first episode of Up All Night? There is a scene where the parents went out and partied all night and awake to the baby crying in her nursery. The line goes: “You know who’s not hungover? That baby!” Kids are wonderful and there is nothing like seeing them imitate you or your partner but you give up a lot of time and energy to make sure they grow up to be healthy (and hopefully sane) adults. You wil give and give and give some more because that is what it is to be a good parent.
Post # 12
@kfiorita: A big part of it is simply waiting until you both feel as ready as you’ll ever be. Lots of couples like to give themselves a year or more to just enjoy and adjust to being a married couple.
Post # 13
- Wedding: May 2014 - Paradise Gardens
@kfiorita: In some sense, we are in the same boat. We will be home owners in early April,but we have decided to wait a few years because we are pretty young. And although we have been together for 6 years already we want some time together as newlyweds in the workforce to see how things will work.
We both have been in our professions for just about a year and we need to get a bit more established and do all our running around before we TTC.
Post # 14
Honestly, I think there are really very few things you cannot do with a baby. It’s actually a lot more difficult when they’re over a year and up.
For us, it’s not really about “things we cannot do,” (I’m already a morning person, Darling Husband is a night owl so we more or less have that covered.) It’s about us, our marriage, and making sure that the foundation of our family is as strong and stable as it possibly can be. I love my Darling Husband, and I think marrying him is the best decision I’ve ever made. But our relationship now is even stronger than it was when we were married almost two years ago. I’m really proud of that, and I think that having a baby when we had gotten married would have been more or less fine – but I’m glad we waited.
Also, having a baby is a huge emotional committment. We wanted to make sure that we both really felt “ready” and excited for the next phase. Not that we just did it because we didn’t have a reason NOT to.
That’s just my 2 cents!
Post # 15
I’m one of those people. I want to buy an expensive pair of shoes if I want them. We want to travel some more. If we want to drop $200 on dinner and hang out till 1AM drinking we want to do that.
If money weren’t an issue those things are still “technically” possible with a child. But I don’t want to drag a baby with me shopping right now. I don’t want to deal with a 10 hr international flight with a baby or the vacation with one because God knows we want to do what we want when we want while overseas. I don’t want to coordinate with a babysitter right now. So, yes, they’re “possible” with a baby but I have no desire to deal with it right now.
It’s a money thing, a freedom thing, a “I love to stay up to late watching tv and drinking wine then sleep for 12 hrs” thing. It’s basically enjoying life to the fullest without worrying that it’s negatively impacting the life of a helpless human.
Post # 16
My dh has full custody of his two children ages 4 & 9. I can’t even begin to explain all the ways this has changed my life. I’d been a stepmom before, my ex has 4 kids but the youngest was 14 when we married,one daughter lived with us from ages 15-19 so I thought I knew what parenting involved. Not so much.
Having kids changes every decision I make, it affects every aspect of my life. I’m not complaining, I love those kids and I’m thrilled to finally get to experience what raising kids is like but it is probably 10x’s harder than I thought and travelling with kids is like herding cats. I’ve been on 10 cruises, I love to cruise and I love to travel but I don’t think I’ll be going on another one until they hit their teen years!