What timeline makes sense for STDs for a very long distance, destination wedding

posted 12 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
5057 posts
Bee Keeper

Well, for the most part the timeline shouldn’t be any different.  I’m generally opposed to more than 12 months out for save the dates but as long as your date and venue and budget are firm then do what you gotta do.

However, it is unreasonable for you to expect people to commit so early.  That timeline should absolutely not be any different than any other non-destination wedding.  You should plan for 100% attendance from a budgeting perspective and picking accommodations that can handle that number.  If your budget depends on how many can attend or decline then you need to be cutting your guest list, not making people commit so far in advance.  Hell, people can conceive, birth, and have an 8 month old child between now and then.  Circumstances can change. People who say yes now may not be able to go – people who think they can’t now could find themselves in the position to say yes later. 

You can let your vendors know you are inviting X number and expect an approximate number based on your most reasonable guess (and you likely may get some offering the likelihood of their attendance unsolicited when they get the save the date to help aid your guessing, it’s just inappropriate to ask and expect an answer so early).  But even in Italy there is no way they need firm numbers a year or more out.  You can ask the vendors when is the absolute last day they need a firm number and then plan your RSVP date accordingly.  And then see if the local hotels will block rooms and what date they will hold them until (or at least ask how far in advance rooms are booked) and include that info with your save the dates so your guests can plan and book their trips accordingly (unless you’re saying you’re paying for everyone’s accommodations).

Post # 3
Member
525 posts
Busy bee

I say a year for StDs, and 3–4 months for the invitations.

Post # 6
Member
5057 posts
Bee Keeper

Edited because I think I misinterpreted the venue holding 30 -50 as the ceremony space, not that the venue has overnight accommodations for 30-50 people.  Hope I’m right in my reread of that.

Post # 7
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I would send out your save the dates at least one year in advance. Italy is a big trip that most people will have to spend time saving for. As far as the venue, it seems a little risky to have a venue that only holds 50 people and to be inviting 75! Although many people may not come since it’s so far away, it would be bad if even 60 people RSVPd “yes”  and 10 people didn’t have a spot in the venue. Just something to think about! 

Post # 8
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

We sent our save the dates about 16 months in advance. We basically did it as soon as we got engaged. We live in the country my husband is from, so all of my family and friends from home had to budget for flights and accommodation etc. It’s better to give too much notice than too little!

Post # 11
Member
1012 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

There’s an easy way to give guests more time to plan and save: just talk to them, now. These are your nearest and dearest; you don’t need a formal piece of paper to let them know they’ll be invited to your wedding in Italy in whatever month.

Post # 12
Member
537 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I would send them a year in advance. I know personally I’d need at least 9 months notice to avoid making other vacation plans that would use up all my vacation days and vacation budget for the year.

I had a Friday night wedding in the summer and we sent Save the Dates 11 months in advance because it wasn’t really local to 90% of the guests. It definitely helped our turn out, people planned vacations around our wedding so they can attend and saved vacation days if necessary. We did magnets and it seems like everyone kept them on their fridge and didn’t toss them aside and forget

Post # 13
Member
505 posts
Busy bee

I would estimate that 40-50 would actually come. 

Post # 14
Member
505 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
asummerbridet7 :  Second this, end of year is coming so people will start to plan their 2020 vacation plans soon, including PTO requests. Talk to your family and friends informally this holiday season and let them know to expect a STD in Jan or whenever so they can plan their PTO and vacation time around your wedding. One of our friends wants to do a destination wedding in Italy 1-2 years from now so we definitely plan to plan that year’s money and PTO around it! 

Post # 15
Member
2663 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Destination wedding? Give me as much notice to plan and save as possible  Tell me eight months in advance and I come just to punch your fiancé in the nose – sorry, not sorry!

Provided you can afford whatever number it ends up being, send the STDs now and then conversation will naturally start about who can make it. Once you have any confirmed declines then you don’t have to invite them.

It sounds wonderful – I hope you both have an incredible time! Congratulation on your engagement! 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors