What to bring up when talking about moving in together?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
2521 posts
Sugar bee

I would definitely establish a firm timeline. My bf and I recently moved in together, but it was important to me that we discuss timelines and make sure we were both on the same page and saw this as a step toward engagement, not a “test.” I’ve been in live-in relationships before that fell apart, and I really didn’t want to go through that again, so it was iimportant to me to establish that we were both on the same page about this being “it” and when we saw engagement and marriage happening. And we were both renters and he owned very little furniture, so it was a relatively easy transition and didn’t involve much change in my life. Since you have a house that you’d consider selling, I think it’s especially important that you nail down a timeline and be specific about your wants and needs. If things aren’t going to work out or you have different expectations, you should know beofre you sell your property. By that token, I’d say that the stuff you need to consider before moving in together is the same stuff you need to consider before marriage — what are your views on finances, children, lifestyles, where do you see yourself in 10 years, would you ever consider moving cities, sates, or countries, etc. There are a lot of practical life things that you should discuss to make sure that you see eye to eye or can work out compromises together. 

Post # 17
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Everything was pretty much covered already by other commentors…..But one thing that I made sure to do was not live together until we were engaged WITH a set wedding date. Obviously, everyone should do what they see fit for themselves. But for me, I never realllllyyy wanted to move out of my parents house until I was about to be married (not religious). I changed my mind with my fiance though but my mom said I should not move in with him until we have also established a wedding date because sometimes people end up putting the marriage off because “we already live together sooo”.

Post # 18
Member
1344 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2019

This is such a small thing compared to the more serious stuff, but definitely talk about what each of you CONSIDERS clean. What my SO and I viewed as clean is literally the only thing we’ve actually argued about. I’m not a clean freak, but I do like a sense of order (especially the kitchen), and my wonderful cook of an SO will put a wet spatula on any surface that doesn’t move. Coincedentally he does the same thing with his socks.. ;P

Post # 19
Member
712 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

We primarily just discussed budget and what kind of place/where we wanted to live (how far from work, primarily) – granted, we were both moving in together from our parents’ house so there weren’t any major things we had to take care of prior to moving in together.  We had very loosely/jokingly talked about getting married eventually (we’d only been dating 6mo when we moved in together), but we both knew it was more than likely heading that direction unless we realized we hated living together haha he was the first bf I had moved in with, so it was a little nervewracking for me at first but I adjusted quickly and well and it worked out for us.

Post # 20
Member
2667 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

I recently moved in with my Fiance so I might have a few helpful things to add (although we live in an apartment, not a home).

I think it’s really really important to make a detailed mental list of expenses and who will be paying what. And like PP have mentioned, determined on salaries, will someone pay a larger chunk? Also bills and paying on time is a biggie for us. My Fiance actually makes almost double what I make, but he is terrible with paying bills on time. I have to remind him to pay bills a lot. 

Cooking and groceries is also a big thing. I think a lot of couples argue over what to eat for dinner so I think it’s a good idea to decide who will do the majority of cooking and who will do the majority of grocery shopping. I do both and think it makes more sense. I make a meal plan for the week, I do the shopping and then I prepare everything. 

This might sound dumb but how you will decorate sometimes leads to fights. We didn’t have a lot of furniture so Fiance and I had to purchase a lot of furniture so we could decide together. I chose all of our linens and decor and got things I know are neutral that we would both enjoy. No joke, I have a friend who is moving in with her Fiance now and he was mad that she has furniture and decor that has COLORS and he wants everything to be white. Needless to say, they’ve been fighting a lot. 

Routine is a huge thing for me. I like getting to bed at a semi reasonable hour every night but my Fiance will literally play video games until 2am some nights, not realizing how late it is. I think when you move in with someone, getting into a routine is a good idea, especially if someone works odd hours. 

And to note, I would absolutely not sell my own home or make my SO sell their home if marriage were not on the table. Plenty of couples move in before getting engaged, but I think it really needs to be talked about. I think you need to be in a place that you know for certainty your boyfriend will propose before you move in. Not necessarily super soon, just at a reasonable pace.

Hopes this helps. Sorry for the novel!!

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