Post # 1
So I was raised near the West Coast where everyone calls EVERYONE by their first name… my Fiance calls my parents by their first names, etc.. I’ve always referred to his mother/father by MRS. & MR. They’re both VERY traditional. I love love love her like my own mother, but she isn’t my mom…
So when the subject arose because it was getting to the point of awkward (again, I call all of my parents friends by their first names.. we are in our twenties now)… She told my Fiance that I could either call her Mrs. or Mom, which was very surprising. It really hurt my feelings. I mean nobody in my family has ever called in-laws Mom & Dad… Heck, my mom was in labor with me for 21 hours… so I’ve decided I’m most likely changing my name to his, but now I’m all bummed because now his surname won’t feel good because I’ll be calling his mom MRS. forever… I know I’m being overdramatic, I guess if anything I’m just bummed that she isn’t being open to my culture and that I might feel alienated by calling her Mrs. or uncomfortable with Mom.
I really love her so don’t want there to be any conflict, I also respect her position on the issue and looking for a happy compromise. Any suggestions?
Post # 3
Is she serious! Even in my Dads culture and family where it`s rude to call your elders by their first names, so you refer to everyone as aunty so so, people call their inlaws by their nicknames or first names.
I think refering to her as Mrs.Lastname is too formal and weird. Maybe your Fi should approach her and say, he wants to you too feel welcome into the family. And you feel uncomfortable calling anyone other then your mother mom. Maybe there an nickname you can call her.
Post # 4
If I was told my options were “Mrs. Whatever” or “Mom” then I would avoid calling her anything since I’m not comfortable with either. Never would I EVER call my Mother-In-Law “Mom” and “Mrs. Whatever” is WAYYY too formal and stuffy for my liking. I say you start calling her “hey you” and see how much she likes that.
Post # 5
Oh boy… well what my aunt did might work for you. She felt uncomfortable calling her in-laws by their first names (they were okay with it- she was not) and it was too weird for her to call them Mr and Mrs C when she was Mrs C herself. So she called them nothing, she simply found ways to avoid using their names at all. Then after she had children she called them Grandma and Grandpa. (not assuming you want children, but apparently it worked)
Post # 6
I would be super uncomfortable calling my Mother-In-Law Mrs X or Mum
@UpstateCait: Me too, It is quite easy to not call people anything, my really close gf recently changed her first name, just cause she didn’t like it….I now get her attention by saying “Hey there’ “Hey You” “Excuse me” lol, cause I can’t bring myself to use her new name.
Post # 7
She’s probably trying to (not so gently) nudge you in the direction of Mom. My fiance calls my mom MA (in this super annoying accent, I have no idea how this started) and I call his by her actual name.
How about coming up with a cute nickname for her?
Post # 8
Yeah, I say just avoid calling her anything. I think it’s pretty easy, I very rarely use my in-laws’ names, although I use first names.
Post # 9
I hope that one day I will feel comfortable calling her mom. I really love it – just don’t think I will anytime soon! @WillyNilly:
Post # 10
I never realized until recently how weird it is that my mom called/calls my dad’s parents Mom and Dad. Well…let’s see. My grandma was “Mum” and Grandpa is Dad. So like sometimes my mom will say, “Dad and I went to see Dad…I mean Grandpa.”
I call my fiance’s parents by their first names…and what is ALSO weird is that so does he (at least for his dad)! He and his siblings call their father by his first name, and their mom they call Mumma.
Weird all around! Call her Mrs. whatever until it becomes old, and then call her by her first name.
Post # 11
@GolferGal: my Mother-In-Law is not my Mom and I dont feel comfortable calling her that. she has slipped it into conversations, implying she would like me to call her Mom. But frankly, I dont care. I call her by her first name.
Maybe when you have kids it will be easier, they usually go by “Grandma” or whatever your kids call her (if you have them)
Post # 12
@upstatecait – you took the words right out of my mouth!
Post # 13
Mrs.Lastname? Ick, really? I don’t think I’ve ever called anyone except teachers that. I would feel really weird using her first name, as well, as the only person I call by first name is FI’s stepmom. His parents I call mama and dad. I call his grandparents grandma and grandpa.