(Closed) What to do?

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
5762 posts
Bee Keeper

Even tho you and your husband don’t agree with what’s happening with your neice,are you sure you can’t attend and support her during this very important event in her life? Family grudges can be hard to overcome, and while your husband knows about all of it, can’t he put aside his anger for this one day and be there to wish his neice the best? He could also be her ‘protector’ from this idiot should anything go wrong, but only if he attends! Isn’t that what families do for each other?

I wish you the best in your decision, but I really think you should both rethink abandoning her on her wedding day. Showing up does not mean you approve…..it just means you love her enough to be there for her!

Post # 4
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I agree.  Also, even though she was being pressured to invite him, what’s with going to see him?  Was she being pressured to do that too?  Perhaps they’ve been developing more of a relationship on their own.  Is it possible he’s changed?

I think I’d be more upset that she seem to be keeping her dad in the loop more than her own mother and stepfather, who HAVE been supportive of her.

If you are wanting to go to the wedding, I wouldn’t decline, just because the jerky father is going.  Also, maybe it would be nice to go to give support to your SIL.  She might need it.

Post # 6
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

As smyley and Tanya123 said, I think you still need to go to the wedding to support both your niece and SIL.  Even if you don’t agree with all the choices your niece is making regarding the wedding (walking by her father, not keeping mother and step-father in the loop, etc), that doesn’t mean you should skip out on the event.  Choices you disagree with shouldn’t lead you to not support the person as a whole.

If either you or your husband are close to your niece, maybe one of you could take her out to lunch and just politely and calmly express your concerns that her future-in-laws are putting pressure on her and that her mother and step-father are feeling excluded.  Maybe you could throw out the idea of both her father and step-father escorting her down the aisle.  And that would give her the chance to maybe talk with you about why she’s choosing some of the things she is which might settle things in your mind too.

Post # 7
Member
624 posts
Busy bee

I also got pressure from the IL’s, got called horrible names about not inviting my mom.  However I didn’t give in and she wasn’t invited to the wedding but I can understand the pressure and trying to deal with IL’s.  Could you possibly talk to her?  See what is really happening? 

This day isn’t about the dad, it’s about your neice.  If it’s at all possible, I think you should go to show your support for your neice.  With the wedding almost a year away a ton will likely change so I would wait until closer to the date before you decide you will absolutely not go. 

Post # 8
Member
581 posts
Busy bee

My inclination would be to go to the wedding but have the local police dept number at hand should it be needed.  There may also be someone at the reception venue that could intervene should the bride’s father get out of hand.  Families are not easy, that’s for sure!

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