(Closed) What to do

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think you should discuss this with the man who should bring this up to his family. For you to go to his family asking them to shell out isn’t cool IMO. He should be the one asking…

Post # 4
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

@vmec: i agree!

i know the feeling my Darling Husband is irish catholic- he is one of 13 children and he has 76 cousins! i didnt want a  HUGE wedding but i knew i couldnt get away with a small wedding either. We got really lucky –  we invited about 200 people and ended up with 120 which is exactly where i wanted to be. one thing that really helped – we had our wedding in february (kids are in school ) so i think alot of people declined because of that – i also had his parents and my parents spread the no kids rule by word of mouth – they were welcome at the ceremony and at the reception when dancing started but i wasnt going to pay for them to eat or make space of them to sit. i think that really really helped in keeping the numbers down.

but i agree with the PP poster – this is something Fiance needs to discuss with his paretns – maybe they will be willing to throw down some money if they want this extravagant wedding.

Post # 6
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

If your Future Mother-In-Law keeps bringing up the $3500 photographer, your Fiance can say, “You know, mom, that’s out of our budget for photography. We’re planning to spend x. If it’s really important to you, you’re welcome to contribute the rest… But unfortunately, we can’t afford it.”

Even if you are close, you need to be careful. And NO, you shouldn’t sit down all of the parents at a table. Budgets are personal, and there is no, “Well, I’m paying X, so should you.” Everyone gets to volunteer as much or as little as they’d like. (But, if they’re not contributing, you don’t need to take their opinions… Be ready for strings!)

Post # 7
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I agree, the mintue they contribute is the mintue they tie strings to the money. Expect to hear: “well I’m paying…” to things you don’t want.

I don’t think a sit down is a good idea at all. I think a sit down with your Fiance and his parents maybe. You should already have an idea of what your parents will pay, and how much per head that way you can say: my parents are more than happy to pitch in 15k and given that it will be approx 100 per head that’s about 100 people. I’m aware that your family is 200.. (implying they cough up the other 10k for another 100 people- for example)

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