What to do?

posted 6 months ago in Relationships
Post # 47
Member
1829 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

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newyorkweddingbee :  Than your choice is pretty clear. 3 options: Get married at the courthouse and accept he is doing it just for you and not because he values marriage. Cancel the wedding and just make peace that the man you are with doesn’t believe in marriage so if you stay with him you won’t ever have that. Sign legal documents that cover your rights as partners in case of death or sickness etc. Break up with him and go find someone who does value and want marriage. 

Post # 48
Member
483 posts
Helper bee

Oh I see. I just saw the ultimatum thread, and I would have to say in this instance it may not work in your favor. Honestly you cannot catch divorce so why is he afraid of divorce rates? Its not like you could never get divorced if you do marry him… but… he may really resent you. It is easy for me to see why this may be a bad idea to go through with it, but I really empathize with why you gave him this ultimatum. If he’s so unhappy to go ahead with the marriage, maybe you should call it off. But I know it is not so simple. You may never have the relationship you want with him. You could also go through with the marriage and see how things are down the road, and he could hang this over your head, or maybe it will all be fine except he is not enthusiastic about the actual marriage part of your relationship. I do know that if someone drags their feet in such a way that it may be best to move on. But like I said, I empathize with why you gave the ultimatum. Some things can’t be fixed.

Post # 49
Member
477 posts
Helper bee

Will you be actually following through on the ultimatum? Do you have plans in place to end the relationship and move out on March 1 if he backs out of the wedding? 

Post # 51
Member
4247 posts
Honey bee

Duplicatr post

Post # 53
Member
26 posts
Newbee

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newyorkweddingbee :  If you have gone as far as finding an apartment, applying for it and have a lease waiting, you are ready to move out. Even if you want to continue the relationship, you should move out. Sounds like you both could benefit from a little distance. If marriage is a must for you, start your next relationship with that info front and center. And from now on, believe people when they tell you their truth, too.

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