Post # 1
When we got engaged I knew we would have a long engagement. We’ve been engaged for almost exactly a year and originally wanted to get married in another 2.5 years. There’s a reason for this. Mister wanted for the both of us to be graduated from college. I never had a problem with this.
This is my second marriage and therefore my parents said they won’t be paying for this wedding. I’m 100% ok with this and totally understand. I never expected them to pay for a second one. So this was the main reason I was ok with a 3.5 year engagement. I figured that long should be plenty enough time to save for a wedding.
If we have the wedding we (read:I) want, it will cost somewhere around $13,000. Not super budget, but super DIY. It scares me how bare bones I planned everything out to be, yet it still will cost so much money. (Rings and honeymoon are included. I know they are not considered part of a traditional budget, but they still need to be paid for so I include them.)
I had planned for half of the money we get for going to college and half of our tax returns for three years to pay off most of that, and then I will graduate a year before him so I figured the rest I could come up with from making “real” money at a “real” job.
This isn’t working. Every single time I say we are setting aside this money some sort of emergancy comes up and we need the money. The car. My sister’s wedding. He gets fired. I try so hard and volunteer for extra hours at work to put little bits into a savings account but it never sticks.
I don’t know what to do. We just can never seem to hold onto the money. I will say we are both full time students and don’t make a ton of money. Just enough to scrape by. I mentioned waiting another year (almost 5 year engagement!!!) and he quickly agreed. I don’t mind waiting on the wedding, but I do mind waiting another year for kids. (Originally we would be getting married on our 7th anniversary, maybe waiting til 8th year). I wouldn’t even mind having kids out of wedlock, but if kids come into the picture then we will never have the money for a wedding.
Ugh I don’t know what to do. I would even be ok with a courthouse wedding, but its his first marriage and he is the oldest out of his family. I don’t want him to feel cheated. AHHHHH I wish money grew on trees…
Post # 3
@Caizn: Have you talked to him about feeling cheated by a courthouse wedding. Some of the girls on here have posted beautiful photos of courthouse weddings that I never knew could exist and reflect on amazing honeymoons they wouldn’t otherwise have been able to afford. Honestly, if I’d thought this was an option, I would have seriously considered it before. Just a thought!
Post # 4
@Caizn: I know the feeling well. I chose to have a longer engagement so the two of us could save up money to put towards the wedding with the help of his parents. Everyone was on board until so much shit went down.
- Fiance was laid off a week after he proposed. Has not had a steady job since.
- His parents had a huge fight in September and his father kicked us out of the house as a result. I had to use all my wedding money for the apartment, move, etc.
- I’m still the only person bringing in steady income (FI now started his own plumbing business!! YAY!) so I can’t save a dime to go towards the wedding.
- His parents backed out of paying for the wedding, but then said we could have a small wedding at their house and they’ll front the bill.
It’s almost never ending. It really is a true roller coaster of emotions. I planned to have a courthouse wedding, go out to dinner with really close family, then leave for my honeymoon (Cruise to Bermuda – cost us $1800). I figured I’d much rather have that even if everything that happened still makes me depressed.
I wish you the best of luck with whatever you choose to do. A small backyard wedding won’t cost too much. A courthouse wedding and a nice dinner would be amazing as well. Then you can focus on a wonderful honeymoon to really enjoy.
Post # 5
Have you talked to your Fiance about this? Maybe he would be alright with a courthouse wedding but thinks you want the big wedding? Communication is key.
You could look at other ways to cut the budget as well- a second hand or online dress, less guests, non-traditional wedding time, small destination wedding etc.
Post # 6
Oh, and just to add:
Fiance was DETERMINED to still have a big wedding. He was really upset because of things going downhill. I told him that I would rather save that type of money for a house. He agreed and that’s what got him on board.