Post # 1
So long-ish story short.. me & my fiance are getting married civilly for immigration purposes. He is from England.. so all of his family are in England while all of mine are here in the US.
We of course wanted to have a traditional wedding ceremony, but for personal reasons this has left us with no choice but to marry civilly now. It is so short notice that we can’t invite his friends and family for a big ceremony that we wished to have 🙁 I will be inviting my direct family members to watch/witness us with hopes of his parents being able to fly out to watch as well. We would have pictures taken too. I’ve read previous posts before of some women bashing others for having a small private ceremony/elopement and then a year or so later wanting a real wedding/ceremony/reception etc. whatever you want to call it.
I keep getting mixed feelings from these previous posts Ive read! We feel like having some sort of ceremony/reception infront of both of our family and friends together would feel like the day we wished for..having everyone together! We also feel like some of our guests wouldn’t be as excited for us seeing that we were already legally married a year before..
Then some posts encourage me to call it whatever we want, wear the dress that I wish to wear, cake, first dances, DJ etc. which is what we wish to do.
We would be honest to everyone about our marriage/elopement, and I feel like our families both understand our situation. At this point I feel like I’m rambling and not making any sense! Lol. has anyone been through this situation before? What did you end up doing? Did it work out well? Did you call it a vow renewal? Helllllp. And please, no rude comments! I understand the fact that it would be impossible to have two weddings…
Post # 2
This is a situation where having two weddings is not just fine, but makes perfect sense.
Your situation is not uncommon. People have two weddings for the same reasons you are all the time, and in several countries two is the norm for legal reasons.
Have your two weddings and enjoy them. Do what works for you, your fiancé, and your guests; nobody else matters.
Post # 3
I’m considering doing this since I really dont want to spend alot of money right now. I just want to splurge on the honeymoon. lol
Post # 4
People are generally always happy to go to a party, whether it’s technically a wedding or a vow renewal or whatever. As long as you are honest with everyone, it shouldn’t be an issue. I’ve had multiple friends this year fly internationally to attend non-legal marriage celebrations, so even if some people aren’t “as excited,” I assure you, plenty of your friends will be thrilled to celebrate with you.
Post # 5
As far as I have seen the only time people get called out for having two ceremonies is when they intend to lie to their loved ones about it and then it is is the lying that people have a problem with.
There is nothing wrong with having two ceremonies or parties or celebrations or a ceremony and a vow renewal. Will some guests prioritise a vow renewal lower than another first time event on the same day (so another wedding, a graduation etc) sure but most will be happy to attend if they do not have something of higher priority on that day but that is how it goes with any event, weddings included so it is really nothing to be worried about. Try to focus on celebrating with those who are able to make it and don’t create conspiracy theories about why someone declines. Not everyone will be able to make it and it is not a reflection on your relationship or that they don’t care.
Post # 6
We did exactly this. We moved abroad together and got married in a civil ceremony (informing only our parents) in order to ensure that our tax/legal affairs adequately covered each other. We had a church ceremony and full reception (as if it were our legal wedding) a year later and it was the best decision we could have made. We considered our church ceremony and reception our real wedding and didn’t mention at all that we were already legally married.
With weddings it is so easy to get too many opinions and to let that cloud your judgement – we did exactly what we felt comfortable with and given that it didn’t hurt anyone, we didn’t feel anything other than pure joy on our wedding day. Enjoy, and good luck!
Post # 7
if hes english then its completely normal to do this here… many people elope abroad then have a second reception and/or blessing with family when they return
if your doing this in america withyour family then just have the second blessing in the UK, people pretty much never get offended about a party here (any reason to party is a good reason) unlike the stricter social ‘rules’ in america
Post # 8
Don’t let what other people think bother you. Everyone has their own opinions about things but that doesn’t make them right. I personally see no problem in doing the ceremony now and big wedding later.
If you and your fiance’ want/need to get married right now in a small ceremony, then do that. Invite your close family here and his close family if they are willing to make the trip. Maybe have a small get together with your close friends as well. Then, I agree it would be nice to do your big wedding in UK with his family.
One of my close friends actually was going to do this. She did a very small ceremony at the very beginning but didn’t tell anyone outside of close family/friends that they were married. Her plan was to do a big wedding later and was afraid that people wouldn’t come if they knew she was already married. Well fast forward 2.5 years later and they have decided to not do the big wedding (lack of funds I think). However, they are still happily married so that’s all that matters in the end.