(Closed) What to do?! :(

posted 4 years ago in Vow Renewals
Post # 2
2240 posts
Buzzing bee

This is a situation where having two weddings is not just fine, but makes perfect sense. 

Your situation is not uncommon. People have two weddings for the same reasons you are all the time, and in several countries two is the norm for legal reasons. 

Have your two weddings and enjoy them. Do what works for you, your fiancé, and your guests; nobody else matters. 

Post # 3
2 posts
  • Wedding: June 2017

I’m considering doing this since I really dont want to spend alot of money right now. I just want to splurge on the honeymoon. lol

Post # 4
1887 posts
Buzzing bee

People are generally always happy to go to a party, whether it’s technically a wedding or a vow renewal or whatever. As long as you are honest with everyone, it shouldn’t be an issue. I’ve had multiple friends this year fly internationally to attend non-legal marriage celebrations, so even if some people aren’t “as excited,” I assure you, plenty of your friends will be thrilled to celebrate with you.

Post # 5
9209 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
curiouscatttt :  As far as I have seen the only time people get called out for having two ceremonies is when they intend to lie to their loved ones about it and then it is is the lying that people have a problem with.

There is nothing wrong with having two ceremonies or parties or celebrations or a ceremony and a vow renewal. Will some guests prioritise a vow renewal lower than another first time event on the same day (so another wedding, a graduation etc) sure but most will be happy to attend if they do not have something of higher priority on that day but that is how it goes with any event, weddings included so it is really nothing to be worried about. Try to focus on celebrating with those who are able to make it and don’t create conspiracy theories about why someone declines. Not everyone will be able to make it and it is not a reflection on your relationship or that they don’t care.


Post # 6
38 posts

We did exactly this. We moved abroad together and got married in a civil ceremony (informing only our parents) in order to ensure that our tax/legal affairs adequately covered each other. We had a church ceremony and full reception (as if it were our legal wedding) a year later and it was the best decision we could have made. We considered our church ceremony and reception our real wedding and didn’t mention at all that we were already legally married.

With weddings it is so easy to get too many opinions and to let that cloud your judgement – we did exactly what we felt comfortable with and given that it didn’t hurt anyone, we didn’t feel anything other than pure joy on our wedding day. Enjoy, and good luck!

Post # 7
2141 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

if hes english then its completely normal to do this here… many people elope abroad then have a second reception and/or blessing with family when they return

if your doing this in america withyour family then just have the second blessing in the UK, people pretty much never get offended about a party here (any reason to party is a good reason) unlike the stricter social ‘rules’ in america

Post # 8
504 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Don’t let what other people think bother you.  Everyone has their own opinions about things but that doesn’t make them right.  I personally see no problem in doing the ceremony now and big wedding later.

 If you and your fiance’ want/need to get married right now in a small ceremony, then do that.  Invite your close family here and his close family if they are willing to make the trip. Maybe have a small get together with your close friends as well. Then, I agree it would be nice to do your big wedding in UK with his family. 

One of my close friends actually was going to do this.  She did a very small ceremony at the very beginning but didn’t tell anyone outside of close family/friends that they were married.  Her plan was to do a big wedding later and was afraid that people wouldn’t come if they knew she was already married.  Well fast forward 2.5 years later and they have decided to not do the big wedding (lack of funds I think).  However, they are still happily married so that’s all that matters in the end.

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