Post # 1
So I have been helping a friend. I am not in her Wedding Party, We are pretty close. I was never given a reason why, nor was I owed one, but it would have been nice. I have been there to listen and help out. She asks me to come when no one else can. I show up every time. She asked me to find out whether things were being done for shower/batchelorette. I found out that no they were not and I talked to a few of the girls and expressed concern. And things started to move a little bit. They asked me to help donate some food for the shower. Fine.They are running out of time.. like down to DAYS not weeks. Now I am being asked to help out with crafts. I own my own biz and have kids. I am NOT in the Wedding Party, those people DON’T have kids. Not to mention, I would like to plan my own wedding *which she IS a part of*.
I shouldnt have to deal with any of this drama. But I did because I want her to have an amazing wedding. Her Wedding Party needs to step up. Where do I draw the line and say, no… I really can’t help that is job of your WP???
Post # 3
JUst say no, sorry I have to do x with my kids right now, but I’ll see you at the shower. Sounds like should have said no a while ago, but you can say no anytime you want.
Post # 5
Yikes. That’s way above and beyond.
Post # 7
Just politely excuse yourself from it. “I can’t, I have to ________.” As long as you do it in a very honest and polite way it shouldn’t cause any issues for your relationship and friendship. It’s weird that they’re leaning on you so much when you aren’t part of the Wedding Party though..
Post # 8
Don’t do more than you can, but also don’t not do things just because it’s not your job. I have thrown 3 bachelorette parties in the past year and I was not in the Wedding Party for any of them. I wasn’t even invited to one of the weddings. I helped them all plan and make decisions and shopped online and went to fittings etc. I did it because it needed to happen and my friends mean a lot to me. I go to school full time and work 2 jobs and an unpaid internship–I’m broke and have no time but I made the time for this. They were all appreciative and wonderful and I was happy to help them out.
Post # 9
For clarification, is it the bride asking you to do all these tasks -or- is it the WP? If it is the latter, by all means stop doing their bidding. If something fails to happen because someone in the Wedding Party who was tasked with the responsibility fails to follow through, oh well. That’s on them. But, if it’s the bride then perhaps offer to help where you can but make sure she knows that your family obligations take precedence.
The bride should recognize the time and effort you are putting forth on her behalf. It sounds like you are a good friend and hopefully she will repay you in kind when it is your turn to get married. I suppose in a way, you are setting the example that you expect from her when its her turn to help you.
Post # 10
I’d say, “I’m sorry, I would love to help as much as I can, which is why I’ve helped up until now and while I wish I could help more, I really didn’t budget in that time because I didn’t think you’d need help since you already have a bridal party that is supposed to be doing this stuff for you.”
AKA – I’d help you if you had picked me to be in your bridal party, but since you have not, go ask the girls you thought fit to ask to be in your party and stop coming to me. (Only in nicer words).
Post # 11
@zomgwut: you weren’t invited to the wedding?? Was it family only?
Post # 12
I have been asked by both her and her Wedding Party. I feel awful but the Wedding Party doesn’t seem to able to communicate at all!! If nothing else I have learned what I would like and not like in the process of planning my wedding.
She asked about crafts, I did double check and make sure someone else would be there with her tomorrow, but I think I am going to bow out. We are putting my Grandmother (who I am incredibly close to) in a home and my family is having a meeting (sans me even though I am closer to her that her own kids) and making some decisions. I need to be available via phone to support my Mom and that isn’t something I want to do infront of other people. I know she will understand, I just don’t want her to be alone and go thru this. I don’t want to be alone either when I have to do things.
There is a lot on my shoulders that I don’t want to burdon them with… but I feel bad not being there.
Post # 13
@zomgwut: You are amazing. And I wholeheartedly mean that. I think I would be hurt if I wasn’t even invited to the wedding.
Post # 14
I would take a step back and politely decline some things for sure. I mean, there are details and duties the Wedding Party have to do solely. Being in the Wedding Party means you have some reponsibilities.Sure, there are things you can help with but not eeeveerything!
It would be sad if things fell apart and her shower and stuff didn’t go as planned as her Wedding Party are a bunch of lazy people. Maybe she needs to see that and see how much you have been helping!
You have a big heart. Good for you. She’s lucky to have a friend like you. She also needs to see how good of a friend you are as well.