(Closed) What to do about a friend…….

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

You need to (nicely) tell her how you feel! Don’t take her crap….or the fake friend request!

You know what you want, and it sounds like be involved with them isn’t part of that equation.

Post # 4
Member
3295 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i would let her know how upset you were about her leaving you in a rut with all the wedding stuff, and let her know how much she cost you. if she wants to ‘clear the air’, she could at least pay you back in some way. if she just ends up ‘dirtying’ the air more, then unfriend her and she should know why… thats what i would do.

Post # 6
Member
2742 posts
Sugar bee

That’s why I am not a member of FB. Honestly, based on your previous thread, I wouldn’t even try and be her friend. The only reason I would meet her is to asauge (sp) my curiousity about why she pulled what she did a few weeks before my wedding. Maybe YEARS down the line you guys can be friends but it’s a little too soon for you guys to be friends. Yes, even FB friends. I wouldn’t accept her invite. If she wants to talk face to face, that’s okay (I wouldn’t even do over the phone). You can clear the air if you want to but honestly, someone like this, who took advantage of me, I wouldn’t befriend the person. Really.

Post # 7
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

If it were me, I would meet with her in person at a place that is not your home or her home. I would hear what she has to say, and then determine how to proceed.

Post # 9
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

If you do meet with her, I think you can let her know how she made you feel without being overly hostile. Just give her the facts: you did this and that and the other thing and it made me feel like this. I don’t treat my friends like that, which is why i am having a hard time accepting your friendship.

and who knows? she reached out to you, and had the balls to come to your wedding after pulling that stunt.  maybe she has a good explanation for why she backed out of her end of the bargain. i’d give her a chance to explain, and then you can decide from there if you want to re-start the friendship.

Post # 11
Member
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I was recently approached by someone who has hurt me in the past about “repairing” our friendship.  I initally wrote (but did not send) a letter reopening all of the old crap, but then decided it would be pointless to send it, and instead sent her this email:

“I certainly harbor no ill will toward you or your family.  However, I am beginning a new chapter in my life, and want to be surrounded by those people I love and trust.  Please understand that given our disagreements in the past, I do not feel that it is in either of our best interests to pursue any type of relationship.  I wish you well”

She simply emailed me back thanking me for my honesty, and we didn’t have to rehash all the drama.  Maybe that would work?

You could also just send her a message saying “Thanks for your friend request.  However, I use my facebook account exclusively to communicate with my immediate family, and am not comfortable enough with social networking to include casual acquaintances on my facebook friend list.  I hope you understand, and thanks for contacting me”   (That’s the message i send to coworkers, students, patients, and others that I just don’t want to be FB friends with.  I doubt she’d contact you again after receiving that message, and it is not personal at all (and so it allows you to be a little more avoidant).  It might look odd if you have 3,000 facebook friends, though….

Post # 13
Member
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Yeah, you definitely need to talk to Darling Husband first.  If the relationship is important to him, that changes everything.

You can always just friend her, and then set your privacy settings so that you don’t have to see her posts, and so that she can’t see yours (I will admit that I’ve done that to some of my ‘immediate family’)

I just feel like if she’s not important to you, she’s not worth any more of your emotions….

Post # 15
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

You may not want to cut and paste what @nmsoonerbride: wrote in case she googles it then this link would pop up and she’d have a position where she could read through your posts.  I know it would be petty on her part and improbable but still.

I think you should tell her that while you appreciate her effort, that at this time you aren’t in a position to maintain a friendship with her.

Post # 16
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I know this is totally sad, but when I was in that position I ignored the friend request (just left it there) and I ignored the PM (never replied) for MONTHS.  I just left the girl hanging.  I couldn’t say anything nice, and the silence spoke volumes.  Eventually I declined the friendship.  But I let it stagnate long enough for her to get the hint.

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