- 7 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
Hi Bees… this is my first post!
I’m not engaged yet, so I’m sort of jumping the gun, but this has been weighing on my mind a bit and I’d like to know your thoughts.
I had a best friend (*Kate) from when I was 13 – 26, when we had a falling out (I’m 28 now). Basically, I think it comes down to the fact that when I met the man I was going to marry, she freaked out because she wasn’t the centre of my universe anymore. And boy was she hurt. She said so many catty, mean, immature, unbelievable things to me that I just couldn’t take the drama anymore and after a year of that, decided to distance myself from her. Even the guy she was ‘dating’ (basically a super-sweet guy she was dating with one foot out the door until someone better came along – which is another issue I had with her altogether) would email me and tell me that I had ‘every right to be upset’ with the way Kate had been treating me, but it was just because she was ‘scared of losing me’. But I’d had enough.
Essentially, I would be happy if I never saw or spoke to her or her family again. As a teenager we latched on as best friends and shared our lives… I’d follow her around like a puppy. But as I grew up and grew as a person, it seemed that she didn’t. And she was angry that I had found another ‘significant other’, or what she considered a ‘replacement’ for her. It was actually my new boyfriend at the time (now my FH though we’re not yet engaged) who pointed out how poorly she treated me and made me realize that I was being manipulated. It hurt to have to essentially “choose” between the two, but I realized that a good friend (and I still have plenty of those) gives you space to grow and accepts that relationships change and evolve, and you support each other. Normally people are HAPPY when someone you love finds a partner for life.
Though it’s been at least a year since I’ve seen her, Kate still texts me every few months with random thoughts and reports about her life. Sometimes I respond and sometimes I don’t. I REALLY don’t want to initiate contact with her. The problem is, she’s kind of acting like nothing has happened, and I know that it would absolutely kill her if she was not invited to my wedding.
What do I do? Should I just invite her to be nice even though it would be INCREDIBLY awkward for me to have her there, and would actually distract me and piss me off?
I guess the obvious answer is to not invite her since it’s my wedding, but I kind of feel deep down inside that it would be like a stab to her heart if I didn’t. She’s been on anti-depressants since I’ve known her, and things really weigh on her heart. Any advice? Has anyone had a similar situation in their life? I don’t know if I’ve been clear enough, or what kind of answers I’m looking for… I wanted to get this off my chest and get some honest opinions.