(Closed) What to do about an uninterested/blasé FI?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
756 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@MariContrary:  +1


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@Artificial-Sweetener:  My main suggestions is that if you want your Fiance to be more involved you should give him a specific job like making a playlist or finding a caterer.  I gave up after asking my Fiance for his input on a theme.  He said “I think the theme of our wedding should just be wedding…. a wedding themed wedding”.  If I ask him to do something specific he will do it otherwise he isnt really involved.  Most guys just arent in to all the little details.

Post # 18
4081 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Canada

My Fiance isn’t really into it either. He randomly has opinions on things, but we agreed that if he doesnt like something he has to come up with something Better. And before I bring something up for him to weigh in on I ask him “do you care about blah blah blah” most of the time he doesn’t care so I can just do whatever I’d like. 

Maybe just tell him that you feel like he’s not interested and ask him if its because he doesnt care about the details like you do, or if its just because its so far away still. 

I’ve had to tell my guy “I know it seems far away, but we need to do this now or its going to be really stressful later” that seemed to help. 

If its bothering you, you should at least mention it. Good luck!

Post # 19
1673 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I kind of got annoyed at Fiance last night when he was being a little blase about music – which is important to both of us! He was just a little tired… That said, when we’ve talked about other stuff he’s cool, but sometimes I feel like I definitely think and talk about it more than he does, which he confirmed. LOL  I think it’s a mars/venus thing – as long as he is excited to be marrying you, maybe not get so nitpicking about details with him. 🙂  (I need to try and adhere to this myself and pick my battles – he really does not care which shellac color I want for the big day!).

Post # 21
1673 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Artificial-Sweetener:  Exactly!  We are doing a Destination Wedding, so his job is to not have any drinks before the ceremony!  Haha… 😉

Post # 22
2336 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Artificial-Sweetener:  Err also make sure he sunscreens the morning of.  My DH went out mini-golfing while I was getting ready.  Thank god they had one wife along who gave them sunscreen or I would have been marrying a lobster.

Post # 24
4097 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Face it, wedding planning is not a “guy thing”. You know what my husband gave input on? The booze. That’s it. He never even came to see the venue. Yes, I’m being serious! 

Post # 26
28 posts
  • Wedding: September 2013

My only advice would be to say, (calmly is always the key!) that this is important to you and you’d like a little positive affirmation. I really like what PP’s have said about not nixing anything if he can’t come up with a better option… I’m going to steal that for sure. 

I definitely try to confine the wedding talk to one intense but short blast a week. Possibly with a reminder halfway through that week of what my Fiance is supposed to do. 

(example: this week I needed addresses from his side. I told him on Sunday that this was his “task for the week,” and I reminded him yesterday. He only needs one more, so it’s worked pretty well!)

I think it’s important for you to tell him (for this and for other future things too) that just because he’s not actually super interested doesn’t mean that he can’t support you and help you out while you’re doing something that’s extremely stressful and important. 

Good luck! 

Post # 27
936 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Obviously, this is pretty common.  DH was the same way.  He also didn’t want pink, although he did want to wear a red vest/tie.  I have no idea why–red wasn’t in our palette but he just got that into his head:)

At one point there was a PMS-and-alcohol-induced fight about his attitude and ruining the experience for me.  After that he capitulated to the fact we were having a big, white wedding and I backed off on some stuff.

I gave him 3 options for everything–cake, meal, invitations, etc.  The DJ company sent us a DVD so we reviewed that together.  He picked the tuxedos (with some strong guidance from me).  For the most part, I went with his choices as I had already narrowed it down to things I liked.  Note–we never discussed decor or flowers other than there wouldn’t be overwhelming pink.  He didn’t care and I didn’t push it.

While he would have preferred to just have a keg party with no ceremony or formalwear, he was really happy with the way everything turned out and was very appreciative of the time and effort it took to get there.

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