Post # 1
Bees, I need some help here.
I got married a bit over a month ago. It was a destination wedding and my best friend called me a while before to let me know she didn’t see how she could make it work and asked if it would ruin our friendship if she didn’t come (she was supposed to be a bridesmaid). I kind of knew this was coming, understood why she couldn’t, and told her I was sad she wouldn’t be there but all was okay.
We’ve been close since high school and while we live at the opposite ends of the country, we’ve been good at staying in touch for the most part. She is kind of flakey when it comes to communication sometimes and there have been times when it feels like I’m the one making the effort, which has frustrated me in the past.
Now it’s been more than a month after my wedding and I haven’t heard a thing from her – no call, no card, no email, no text – and it’s really bothering me. I don’t really know what to do at this point. Do I make a move to get in touch with her/keep the friendship? Or just leave the ball in her court? And if I go with the latter, what does that mean when we go visit where she lives?
Post # 2
Do you know what’s going on in her life? Could she be dealing with some stressful issues that she doesn’t feel comfortable injecting into (or comparing to) your newlywed happiness?
Post # 3
What beethree said! She sounded like she’s going through something but still cared enough about you to not want to ruin the friendship. I would check on her instead of expecting her to call to congratulate you. But you know her more than we do!
Post # 4
Get in touch. She’s probably embarrassed or feels awkward for missing. Don’t ruin a friendship over it.
Post # 5
beecee : This is probably a case of each of you thinking the other is upset with you. She probably thinks you are upset that she wasn’t able to make your wedding and this is why you haven’t contacted her.
I guess you have to work out if you value the friendship or not. She has always been flakey with communication so it is a bit unfair to expect her to change her personality. Have you ever discussed with her your feelings over the flakey communication?
Post # 6
Have you not tried to contact her at all either? She probably thinks you are mad at her and is waiting for you to reach out.
Post # 7
it sucks you cant have the support you normally get from your friend.
send mer a smiley face saying you miss her and see what happens. take it slow she prob wants to give you space
Post # 8
I would just reach out to you. It is likely that you are both thinking “she hasn’t contacted me in a month”. In good friendships sometimes you have to put yourself out there and be the one to break first. She probably feels really awkward that she couldn’t attend the wedding and isn’t quite sure what to say.