(Closed) What to do about Bridesmaid?

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: WHat to do
    Pay fo the shoes : (7 votes)
    54 %
    Ask her to leave or pay later : (6 votes)
    46 %
  • Post # 4
    Member
    941 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    It seems like added stress to try and negotiate with her over this seemingly small sum of money, or to put you overbudget by having you pay the amount.

    It may be good to be honest with her and say if she can’t afford it, she doesn’t have to participate and can just come as a guest.  I’d imagine that a lot of these financially strapped bride’s maids often feel guilty about saying no, then when it comes to the time of having to pay get into a screwed situation. Which isn’t helpful for anyone.

    I’d say be honest and direct with her–you can’t afford the balance, it seems like she can’t, so if she stepped down netiher of you would have to worry.  

    Post # 5
    Member
    5183 posts
    Bee Keeper

    ok so normally when I read a post title I say something in my head about what I think my real response would be and then read it and actually think about all the details.. this time my response is the same ‘kick her ass out’. I had a girl like that that I was considering asking to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and her son the ring boy, but then I thought about it.. if she cant get the dress until this date.. could she afford a plane ticket? Could she afford the dress? Will this add more stress than take away? YES ! So, I didn’t ask. You should get rid of her, that may sound harsh because its about money.. but you don’t want someone negotiating your wedding based on their budget u know? 

    Post # 7
    Member
    941 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Is looking for cheaper shoes an option?  It sounds like the number count is important…could you sacrafice the shoes to have her with you?  Or are you able to add in some extra money to have her AND the shoes?

    It seems like a situation in which there’s a few things you want, that will require you giving up something.  And your only option may be to sacrafice one thing for the other.  

    Post # 8
    Member
    5183 posts
    Bee Keeper

    @Mrs Scott to be: maybe have your mom stand up with you? Or your fav cousin from childhood? Either way, I know I would much rather cut her out than deal with all the potiential stress she can cause. FYI, just because she says she can afford it on a certain date, doesn’t mean she really can. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    2052 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    If you’ve always envisioned 3 BMs and its coming down to the cost of the shoe, would it be possible to find a different shoe within her $22US price cap? Perhaps you can see if the store of the current shoe is having a sale or online promotional code anytime soon?

    Post # 10
    Member
    1276 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I’m sorry but kick a girl out over shoe affordability? I don’t think thats the route I would take. I’m assuming you picked her because she is very special to you and not just to reach 3 bridesmaids. Can you just let her wear her own shoes? She said ok to be your bridesmaid but did tell you that she is running a tight budget. I think there are plenty of battles to fight in a wedding and shoes aren’t going to matter in the long run. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    46677 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Do you want 3 bridesmaids or do you want this bridesmaid? Bridesmaids are supposed to be someone special in your life, not just a 3rd body to make up the number you have in your head.

    When you asked her, were you aware of her financial situation? If yes, then I think you need to accomodate that.

    Are they wearing long dresses? In that case the shoe really doesn’t matter that much.

    If they are wearing short dresses, can you consider letting them wear a shoe of their own choice in the color you want? That way she can stick to her own price range

    If she were my friend and my bridesmaid I would look for a solution to keep her in the wedding party even if that meant buying her shoes myself-perhaps making them her bridesmaid gift.

    Post # 12
    Member
    550 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    @julies1949: My thoughts exactly.

    I chose my BMs because they are important to me. It sounds to me like you are all about how the wedding will look, rather than the meaning behind it.

    You’re really considering kicking her out over shoes? Not even shoes, but $10. That just seems harsh to me.

    And you are probably right. People are pre-occupied with their lives. They do give a crap about you, but probably not as much as you want. 🙂

    Post # 14
    Member
    3254 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    You’ve received some great responses here. If you kick her out of the wedding, there will likely be an awkward tension between you from now on, so you have to be okay with losing her as a close friend if you give her the boot. If your heart is totally set on these shoes, I think you need to just pay for them and let it go. If possible, pick a different shoe or even let the girls pick their own if you don’t want to pay.

    Post # 15
    Member
    7295 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    i definitely agree with those that said kicking her out is harsh. i would never dream of kicking my BMs out.  i would pay the extra $10 or let her pick and buy her own shoes.  i guess you have to decide what your priorities are and make a decision from there, no one can really decide that for you but yourself.

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