(Closed) What to do about Dad..

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
13012 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Wow, I’m so sorry to hear this.  When you picture your wedding, can you imagine your day without your dad?  Does it matter to you?  You can easily seat your mom and dad away from each other, seat him with some family he may be civil with, or even with FI’s family.  I’m sure everyone would at least be civil at your wedding to not create a scene. 

Post # 4
Member
2086 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

I was taken aback by your statement that you cry over the idea of you dad not walking you down the aisle.

Are you upset at the thought of not have your OLD dad there to walk you down the aisle or are you upset by the idea of not having the father you currently know there? 

Post # 6
Member
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I guess it’s really up to you. 

I have seen a wedding under some circumstance the dad can’t show up at the wedding and it was sad.  I know the bride wanted him there but she had no choice.  She had uncle walk him down.

However, the more important question is: how much of a regret you will have if your dad doesn’t walk you down?  Life is never perfect.  If by inviting your dad, majority of your family will get upset, is this worth it? 

If you really want him there, I think it’s doable as guests usually keep their cool for your sake. 

 

 

Post # 7
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I agree with Lamkky, if you want him there your guests typically keep their cool, seeing as he shouldn’t be the focus of your special day.

I understand wanting him there, because you only do this once and who wants to live in regret. I think if I was in your shoes I’d rather walk alone, despite really wanting my Dad to walk me down the aisle. But in the end you should focus on what will make you the happiest, and the rest will follow 🙂

Post # 8
Member
803 posts
Busy bee

You said that your mom is still a basketcase when it comes to your dad? 

Have you ever tried talking to your dad about what happened? How you felt about him walking out, not only on your mother, but on you? That you were Daddy’s little girl, and he abandoned you for 6 months? There could be a different side of the story. I’m not trying to accuse your mother of anything, but perhaps at that time, when the hurt was fresh, she may also have had a hand in keeping your dad from contacting you. Or he may have stayed away for a period of time until things were starting to calm down before he thought it would be a safer time to contact you again. 

It sounds like you should have a heart to heart with your dad and lay things out on the table. You do want him to be there, but you don’t want him to feel obligated to be there. Ask him if he wants to be there. What I think you really need isn’t for your “old dad” to be there. It’s impossible for him to come back, simply because everything that happened happened, and also because it’s been so many years. We all grow into different people over time. I think what you need, and want is closure, and by confronting your dad about all these things may offer you that closure. You may be either able to move on, or start over in your relationship with your dad. 

Post # 9
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I would have him come for the ceremony and leave the reception up to you. I think you would regret not having him there for that. Maybe you could do a mother daughter dance during the reception. I think you should talk to your mom too, because I think she will be a basketcase over him regardless of if he is there or not (either having to see him or being angry that he isn’t there).

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