(Closed) What to do about fiancés behavior….?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
272 posts
Helper bee

I’m sorry, bee. This must feel awful. I think you ought to sit down with him and have a serious discussion. You have both been through a lot and so has your relationship. You shouldn’t have to live your life with someone that doesn’t take your needs, wants, and feelings into consideration.

Rather than wondering what he’s thinking or what he wants, think about what you want. Take a look at his behavior towards you and ask yourself if you want to be with someone that treats you this way.

Post # 17
5038 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

He’s dodging a future with you.  If you want marriage it’s not going to be with this guy.  He said he is comfortable, believe him.

Post # 18
321 posts
Helper bee

OP, make sure he didn’t book a one way ticket to Europe. I have a bad feeling about this…

Post # 19
171 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t get why some men propose but don’t actually want to get married. I would be really frustrated in your shoes OP, time to move on. 

Post # 20
12208 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

When he told you he likes what you have and that he’s comfortable, that would have been the time to have a serious talk about how that no longer sounds as if he wants to be engaged. In your place, he would not be having it both ways. I’d walk, personally. 

Post # 22
4897 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Move on. Good luck.

Post # 23
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

You’re too good for him.

Post # 24
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

cc5598 :  I had a broken engagement and wondered why he bothered to propose when he’d get pissed when I even casually mentioned anything.  We never made plans and then he wondered why I broke up with him.  Go figure.

Post # 25
2507 posts
Sugar bee

dazedconfused80 :  he doesn’t want to marry you…and I don’t think he even really wants to be in a relationship with you anymore. 

He probably thought proposing was a good idea…and now that he’s had time to process it, maybe the reality of the situation really hit him? I don’t know the answer, but I can tell you that he definitely doesn’t want to marry you anymore (if he ever really did)

Post # 26
8425 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

dazedconfused80 :  

Maybe this isn’t  him, but some  guys think an  engagement is kind of a destination in itself. If she can call  herself fiancée ,  well, isn’t that enough ….?

Post # 27
223 posts
Helper bee

I have to agree with the others–he doesn’t want to get married. However, I don’t doubt that he loves you. Love or not, he does not seem into the idea of getting married, and probably proposed to you because he was worried you would leave him if he did not. Some people are just not comfortable with the idea of marriage, and nothing will ever change that for them. 

While there is love there, it seems that your relationship with him is lacking partnership. When married, (or in a relationship that would lead to a healthy marriage), you plan your vacations and whatnot WITH the other person. My fiancé has struggled with depression and job loss in the past as well, but he and I got through it TOGETHER. If he is not willing to be open with you about something as significant as how he is truly feeling about the wedding, than that is not a good sign for the future.

I understand that you care about him, but is he willing to give you what you want out of life and the relationship? It doesn’t seem that way, sadly.

Post # 28
767 posts
Busy bee

you’ve mentioned that you’ve lived in different states and at some times been apart for months at a time.

Are you sure there’s no one else? Possibly a wife already? May sound strange, but may not be impossible. Either way, I agree with others. Sounds like he not invested in marrying you, I”d cut your losses and get on with someone that treats you better


Post # 29
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

dazedconfused80 :  OP, nobody in their right mind would disregard the love of their life the way he disregards you. He doesn’t want to be with you. Break up with him and leave him while you can. Good luck.

Post # 30
2430 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

He is wishy-washy and weaslley, making every excuse under the sun not to participate in any discussion with you that remotely includes marriage. That sounds like, a point in the favor of any guy who simply says ‘no, I’m not getting married’.

What next, he wants to go up on the next Space Shuttle, so he has to train, therefore no wedding?

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