(Closed) What to do about guests who didn’t give gifts?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Send a card and thank them for coming. No one’s required to give gifts, after all.

Post # 4
1391 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Send them a thank you card for coming to the wedding. If something was misplaced it is their place to ask you if you lost it rather than assuming they brought something. People do not HAVE to bring a gift, so that may also be the case.

Post # 5
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I wouldn’t worry about it… yet.  I had several people at my wedding that I thought would get us something but yet, we didn’t have anything.   I had the exact same reaction as you – did we misplace them?  Within the next month or so, we received gifts from almost all of them.  Some of them hadn’t purchased the gift yet, one couple forgot to bring the card to the wedding, another couple personally handed us the gift when we went to their house for dinner, etc.  Give it some time for gifts to trickle in.  Unless you have reason to believe gifts were handled in such a way they were misplaced, chances are they just haven’t gotten it to you yet.  If I remember corectly, I think I received my last wedding gift at least 6 months out!

Post # 8
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

I wouldn’t wait to send the thank-you’s. They may have chosen not to give you a gift or they may have just forgot or are still planning to get you something in the next few weeks. We had two people (a neighbor and my husband’s boss) that didn’t give us gifts. I sent them thank-you’s and thanked them for coming…about a week later we received gifts from both. Both said they had forgotten.


Post # 9
2530 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

We had LOTS of guests not give us gifts or cards at all but I am planning to send thank yous to all of them for at least thanking them for coming…..but secretly I wish they had gotten me gifts! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 10
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I would definitely wait…we had gifts come in 9 months past our wedding.  And I have to cop to procrastinating on the gift giving front when I was a wedding guest a few times, too

Post # 11
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

What’s funny is that this week’s Miss Manners is on this exact topic. She says to not send a thank you to folks who did not send a gift. If you do, they may see it as soliciting for a gift. And that as hosts, you aren’t responsible for thanking guests for coming to your event. The guest is actually the one who is supposed to thank the host for a delightful time.

That’s just my awful summary – here’s a link to the actual article: http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/article.aspx?cp-documentid=25448001

Post # 13
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m so glad Miss Manners agrees with me! We had a lot of people not give us gifts at the wedding, and we didn’t send them a thank you card. They were mostly close friends, but hadn’t been to many weddings so may not have known the etiquette.

This is a touchy subject here on wedding bee, the issue of sending thank you’s to everyone, and griping about missing gifts. But anyway, you should of course send a thank you note if you feel like it. I don’t think that your gifts got lost at the wedding, I think they probably just didn’t get you anything. This has been the case this year with me and a few of my friends who also had weddings. It’s more likely that they didn’t think they needed to get you anything than that a staff member or guest at your wedding stole any cards or gifts, I think.

Post # 15
3997 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Same thing happened to us.  Except I know that a few of them intentionally didn’t give a gift.  We sent a thank you anyway, as much as it pained me.  The ones that didn’t do it intentionally actually contacted my family to apologize for the mistake and sent a card later.  Your best bet is to send the card and see what happens.

Post # 16
29 posts
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m in a similar position.  We’ve been married almost 8 weeks and we have quite a few guests who didn’t give a gift.  Even though many of you say a gift isn’t necessary, I find it EXTREMELY rude to go to a wedding and not give SOMETHING.  Heck, I go to a friend’s house for cocktails and never show up empty handed.  I even send a gift when I’m unable to attend a wedding.  I think it is important to acknowledge a friend’s/family member’s wedding…even if with a very modest gift.

My husband and I have decided to wait at least 6 months before we send a general,  “thanks for coming to the wedding”.  Then again, after reading this article, maybe I won’t since it is looked upon as asking for gifts!

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