Post # 1
It’s been a little over 2 weeks since our wedding and I am midway through my thank you notes 🙂
I’m not sure what to do about 4 couples that attended our wedding but didn’t give us a gift or a card. The problem is that I’m not sure all of these people intentionally didn’t give us a wedding gift. They may have handed us a card that we lost by the end of the wedding, or maybe they just forgot to put it in our card box at the reception. I just have trouble believing that these people (who are my husband’s close friends) would actually not get us anything.
So I’m thinking of writing them thank yous just for coming to the wedding. At least then they will know that we didn’t receive their gift if they did get us one, and it might gently remind them to send their gift if they had forgotten to give it to us at the wedding.
Is this a good idea?
Post # 3
Send a card and thank them for coming. No one’s required to give gifts, after all.
Post # 4
Send them a thank you card for coming to the wedding. If something was misplaced it is their place to ask you if you lost it rather than assuming they brought something. People do not HAVE to bring a gift, so that may also be the case.
Post # 5
I wouldn’t worry about it… yet. I had several people at my wedding that I thought would get us something but yet, we didn’t have anything. I had the exact same reaction as you – did we misplace them? Within the next month or so, we received gifts from almost all of them. Some of them hadn’t purchased the gift yet, one couple forgot to bring the card to the wedding, another couple personally handed us the gift when we went to their house for dinner, etc. Give it some time for gifts to trickle in. Unless you have reason to believe gifts were handled in such a way they were misplaced, chances are they just haven’t gotten it to you yet. If I remember corectly, I think I received my last wedding gift at least 6 months out!
Post # 6
I know that they don’t have to give gifts, and I would only be thanking them for coming if I write them thank you notes. My husband just thinks its uncharacteristic of these friends of his to not give a wedding gift, which is why I’m a bit worried they might have been lost at the reception.
Anyways, good to know that it is appropriate to write a thank you note just for coming.
Post # 7
@PumpkinSpiceChai: Thanks for the advice! I guess it would be best to wait a couple months to send the thank you in case they are still planning on sending a gift.
Post # 8
I wouldn’t wait to send the thank-you’s. They may have chosen not to give you a gift or they may have just forgot or are still planning to get you something in the next few weeks. We had two people (a neighbor and my husband’s boss) that didn’t give us gifts. I sent them thank-you’s and thanked them for coming…about a week later we received gifts from both. Both said they had forgotten.
Post # 9
We had LOTS of guests not give us gifts or cards at all but I am planning to send thank yous to all of them for at least thanking them for coming…..but secretly I wish they had gotten me gifts! 🙂
Post # 10
I would definitely wait…we had gifts come in 9 months past our wedding. And I have to cop to procrastinating on the gift giving front when I was a wedding guest a few times, too
Post # 11
What’s funny is that this week’s Miss Manners is on this exact topic. She says to not send a thank you to folks who did not send a gift. If you do, they may see it as soliciting for a gift. And that as hosts, you aren’t responsible for thanking guests for coming to your event. The guest is actually the one who is supposed to thank the host for a delightful time.
That’s just my awful summary – here’s a link to the actual article: http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/article.aspx?cp-documentid=25448001
Post # 12
Interesting article. I hadn’t really thought about the fact that they might see it as soliciting for a gift. But I think I will still send thank you cards anyways. I’ll wait a while in case they are still going to send gifts, but I really do feel like there was a possibility the gifts were lost. Maybe I will wait a couple of weeks and then send the thank you.
Post # 13
I’m so glad Miss Manners agrees with me! We had a lot of people not give us gifts at the wedding, and we didn’t send them a thank you card. They were mostly close friends, but hadn’t been to many weddings so may not have known the etiquette.
This is a touchy subject here on wedding bee, the issue of sending thank you’s to everyone, and griping about missing gifts. But anyway, you should of course send a thank you note if you feel like it. I don’t think that your gifts got lost at the wedding, I think they probably just didn’t get you anything. This has been the case this year with me and a few of my friends who also had weddings. It’s more likely that they didn’t think they needed to get you anything than that a staff member or guest at your wedding stole any cards or gifts, I think.
Post # 14
@chocolatemalt: I suppose they may just not have gotten us anything. But it was kind of chaotic when we left the reception, we just had some friends empty out the card box into a plastic bag and put it in their car. I can see how a card or two could have gotten lost.
Also a couple of people gave gifts to us directly or sent them to our hotel room the morning of the wedding and the day after. I think I packed up most of these gifts, but everything was so rushed that its possible they were missplaced.
I just think that sending a thank you just for coming doesn’t do any harm, and if we did lose their gift, then at least they wont think we were being rude by not sending a thank you for it!
Post # 15
Same thing happened to us. Except I know that a few of them intentionally didn’t give a gift. We sent a thank you anyway, as much as it pained me. The ones that didn’t do it intentionally actually contacted my family to apologize for the mistake and sent a card later. Your best bet is to send the card and see what happens.
Post # 16
I’m in a similar position. We’ve been married almost 8 weeks and we have quite a few guests who didn’t give a gift. Even though many of you say a gift isn’t necessary, I find it EXTREMELY rude to go to a wedding and not give SOMETHING. Heck, I go to a friend’s house for cocktails and never show up empty handed. I even send a gift when I’m unable to attend a wedding. I think it is important to acknowledge a friend’s/family member’s wedding…even if with a very modest gift.
My husband and I have decided to wait at least 6 months before we send a general, “thanks for coming to the wedding”. Then again, after reading this article, maybe I won’t since it is looked upon as asking for gifts!