Post # 1
Hey there Wedding Bee’s!
My Fiance and I are in a tough situation and we have no idea what to do. We are getting married 11/14/15 so we have quite some time to come up with an answer before the STD’s/invites go out. Here’s the situation:
I have a nephew (sister’s baby, no other children) that will be barely 1yrs old by our wedding.
I also have a neice (brother’s kid, one sister (will be 8) who is our flower girl) that will be almost three by our wedding.
We are terrified of having an incident of a child throwing a temper tantrum or interrupting the ceremony in some way, so we are thinking children 5 and younger are not allowed. However, if we do that, my nephew will not be there, which is fine, but one of my brother’s children wouldn’t be able to attend. How do we invite one niece and not the other? I understand it’s our wedding but I feel that is kinda messed up and feel so bad. We could invite both of the nieces but that’s unfair to not have my nephew there since they are so close in age.
We’ve already thought about having no kids entirely at our wedding but my oldest neice already knows she is the flower girl and that would be weird to only have her there by herself. Also, we have a few cousins coming from out of town who are single Mom’s and would have no one to watch their kids if they left them behind.
I’m hoping there are or have been other brides in this situation… Please HEEEELP!!!
Post # 2
I agree that it is messed up to allow some kids and not others. We weren’t able to find a balance with that either, so all kids were invited. We didn’t have super young ones though.
I think if a child were to throw a tantrum during the ceremony, their parents would remove them from the space so as not to disrupt any further. Trust your guests!
Post # 3
joesgirl15: I had 3 children at my wedding 2 weeks ago. One was 6 months old and didn’t make a peep. The flower girl was 2 (fiance’s niece) and was all over the place. The priest didn’t mind and neither did we but her mother wasn’t having it and they pulled her out shortly after the ceremony started. The third was my maid of honor’s 4 year old. She was fine until mommy walked past her and didn’t sit her her and her dad. She cried silently for a little while and then started sobbing. My mom told my moh to bring her up front with her which she did. Maggie was crying so hard then she couldn’t stop. It was actually pretty adorable. When her mom signed the register she through tears “mommy you did a good job”. I hadn’t even noticed she had been crying until she came up front to tell you the truth.
Post # 4
I have 9 nieces and nephews, and Fiance has 2 nieces. I’m sure there will be more kids than that at the wedding, too. All of them are invited to our wedding. It’s a family occasion, and the kids are family. It’s their parents’ responsibility to keep them under control. I’m not worried about it. We’re having a quick ceremony, anyway.
Post # 5
joesgirl15: I really think you either have kids or no kids in this situation. Normally I’m all for setting an age limit but in this case when you have siblings and cousins so close in age you have to just say “all in”. I’ve been to a lot of weddings where kids were invited and never once saw an issue with kids disrupting the ceremony. Sure every now and then one will cry but parents are smart and will remove them straight away.
Post # 6
We have all the kids in the family coming (most have some sort of role in the wedding because I didn’t want anyone to feel left out.) I’m not worried about the disruptions. Their parents will take them out if they are screaming, crying or having a tantrum (not that any of them are bad for any of that. They’re well behaved kids. I know any kid can have a meltdown, so if it happens, it happens.) If they decide not to walk down the aisle on the big day, no worries. I’m not forcing them to and I don’t expect anyone else to try to force them either.
If they’re running down the aisle, asking curious questions, that’s fine with us. That’s who they are and I adore their little personalities. I kind of hope our ring bearer runs down the aisle. He almost never walks, and he’s so cute.
Post # 7
I would try to make the rule apply equally to all nieces/nephews.
ie no neices/nephews except for bridal party members, no neices/nephews under 5, or all neices/nephews
As for your cousins… I think it’s crap that just because you invite someone means you have to invite the kid. Judge it on closeness of relationship with the actual kid, not whether there is a kid.
Post # 8
joesgirl15: I”m a huge fan of “its your wedding, do what you want”. So keep that in mind when reading what we are doing.
Our invites said “Adult only ceremony and reception”. On our wedding website, we also said that “if this poses a challenge for you, please contact us”. This allows us to make exceptions on a case by case basis. Which we’ve already done. The intention of our “adult only ceremony and reception” is to keep toddlers and older away from the wedding. In my experience, its toddlers running around that cause the chaos and its primary school age children who throw tantrums when tired. I fully understand babies cry. But babies also rely more heavily on mom and dad for their very existance and toddlers and older children often do just fine with a babysitter (whereas babies often do not for many reasons).
I have a cousin (whom I’ve not met yet) that will be about a year old at the time of our wedding. If he doesn’t get to attend, I know his mother and father won’t attend (they live out of town). I have a friend whos new baby will be less than 4 months old during the wedding. We’ve let them know, should they want to attend, the new baby will also be allowed to attend.
Will people who left their children at home notice that indeed we’ve made exceptions? Absolutely. Will they be upset – I don’t care. Its my wedding. And I can invite who I want to. If they had concerns with leaving their little one with a babysitter, I made it clear that they should contact me. I may have made an exception for them as well. Or I may have explained my reasonsing for not wanting their 3 year old who can’t sit still at our wedding.
In any event, people with babies won’t be sticking around the whole night, so I don’t think it will be as huge an issue as some people may think. And those who left their little ones at home may realize they are allowed to let their hair down and party like they didn’t have kids for a night!