- 2 years ago
- Wedding: August 2015
This might seem kind of complicated with the different people involved, but I’ll try to explain everything while keeping it short while keeping it as short as possible.
Darling Husband was raised by his grandparents from a young age and around the time he began living with them he became best friends with a guy we’ll call Steve. Steve is still his best friend to this day, so DH’s grandma and Steve have known each other for a long time. A few years ago Steve began dating a woman whose family DH’s grandma is very close to. (Girlfriend was the granddaughter of grandma’s late best friend.) After a couple years of dating, Steve broke it off and ever since then DH’s grandma has been nothing but cold and mean to him. She ignores him when he says hi. She turned her back on him when he sat next to her at a baby shower. When she found out who his new Girlfriend was and where she worked, she started being rude to her too. At our wedding, which was a few months after they broke up, Steve tried to greet her and she ignored him. This time my husband saw it (we live in another state so had only heard about her behavior), and after the wedding confronted her about it. She apologized for upsetting Darling Husband but not for how she behaved toward Steve.
Fast forward 2 years later to this past May when my husband was earning his PhD. For the graduation ceremony he invited his grandparents, as well as Steve and his Girlfriend. He warned Steve that grandma would be there and said he completely understood if he didn’t want to come because of her. Being the good friend Steve is, he came. We tried to keep the two separate from each other but after the ceremony they ended up running into each other. Again, Steve was nothing but kind and friendly, and this time grandma didn’t ignore him. Instead she said, “I’m glad you guys broke up — she’s with a good guy now.” Darling Husband overheard this and was livid. As he was getting her into the car for her to leave, she then repeated what she said to Darling Husband, for reasons I still don’t understand.
It’s now been six months and Darling Husband still can’t forgive her for how she’s treated Steve. He used to call home every week — now he barely speaks to her. He saw her once in August before we moved across the country and she apologized for hurting him, to which he replied “It’s a start.” When he last spoke to her he said that she acted like everything was fine, which makes me think she either believes all is well and good now, or she’s in denial that Darling Husband is still upset. A few months ago he wrote her a letter basically airing his grievances about the whole thing and how he can’t believe the person who raised him has this spiteful, vindictive side, but never sent it.
We’re planning on going to visit his family around Christmas and I want him to decide before we get there whether he’s going to talk to her about this and say the things he hasn’t said, or just let it go and move on. I also think if he’s going to say something to her he should do it before we visit. I know he wants to forgive her and he misses the relationship he had. She’s old and not in the best of health, so who knows how much time she has left. But I think he’s just hurt and disappointed that she could behave this way toward someone he cares about. And I’m upset that after Darling Husband confronted her about her behavior that she would do it again — and then tell my husband about it. I don’t know how she possibly thought that saying that wasn’t going to hurt my husband.
Should I try to get my husband to just let this go and move on? Encourage him to talk to her? What would you do? (I’m trying to stay out of it, but if it comes up while we’re visiting I may have a difficult time not going off on her.)