(Closed) What to do about MOH’s guest?

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Wow. What a tough situation. I don’t think you can literally just refuse his attendance; that gets to be a hard thing to enforce. But i 100% agree with the fact that he should not be there or in her life at all. She’s already in therapy and hopefully starts to see the light.

Depending on your relationship, I’m tempted to say no. Put your foot down. Say he is a jerk and not welcome at your wedding and has made her cry too many times for you to even want to see him. Considering the pattern, in a month or so she might thank you for it.

I hope she gets the help she needs. NObody deserves to be treated like that, that just makes me so flilppin mad. I want to drop kick him myself.

Post # 5
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I agree. It would be different if he weren’t abusive, and not just because they might fight at the wedding. I would think part of her therapy has to be distancing herself from him.

I’m not sure if this is worth sharing, but my SIL brought a guy I didn’t like to my wedding. She was in a 3+year relationship and then cheated on the guy and brought the guy she cheated with. I sucked it up. In your case, though, it’s for your sisters own good that she break ties with this guy.

Post # 6
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think since it’s so heartbreaking for YOU to have him there (despite your sis’ rosy glasses attitude right now), explain to her that he’s not accepted and why and that you don’t CARE if he bought a new suit, you don’t CARE if he’s suddenly changed, right now, you are not going to permit hm. If it was a situation like mary-alice-me mentioned, i’d say just deal. But this guy literally makes you sick and you don’t need to be uncomfortable with him or dealing with the family shooting eyeball daggers his way. It’s great she’s working out her issues, but this guy is going to cause her to regress! He needs to prove himself to the family that he’s not a piece of work before he comes to events I say. And honestly, I dont’ think he needs to be involved with your sister, because i know people change (sometimes), but until he can really, truly, 100% get his act together and your sister is really truly happy, he’s not welcome!

Post # 7
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

i agree that this sounds like a horrible relationship and hopefully they will break up permanently.

my first instinct is to suggest that you put your foot down because you’re doing it for your sister’s good. i think that’s a valid point–however, having dated someone that my sister didn’t like and knowing how crushed, sad, and angry i felt that she did not invite him to a big holiday party she was throwing because it was a clear statement that she did not approve. i was hurt by this.  i was totally fine at the event, but it was more that it created tension with my sister.

i’m not sure how your sister would react but i think the possible antagonism that may be created by you putting your foot down is something to consider.

Post # 8
Member
990 posts
Busy bee

Sorry you’re faced with such a hard decision. Have you asked your sister why she’s so insistent that he come? I suppose there’s no reasoning with him (some people just can’t be reasoned with) but it seems like you should put your foot down on this one.

Post # 10
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Maybe do it in a loving way, just explain that it would break your heart on your wedding day if he came and treated her like garbage, that you want her to enjoy herself, and that you love her so much and just wanna share this exciting day with her with out him adding baggage or something like that.

Just choose your words very carefully

Post # 11
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree, if you word it carefully I think it can be handled with kid gloves. Some day, she will see that you were right

Post # 12
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I agree with ejs – someday she’ll agree that you’re right. The abuse trumps just not liking him.

Let us know how it goes!

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