- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
So my step dad and I have never had a good relationship.
A little background here: When I was 3 my dad died and my mom moved my twin sister and I back from California to where the rest of our family lived here in Canada. My step dad is actually her childhood friend and not even a year after my dad died my Aunt ran into him and told my mom about it.
They started dating and the rest is history. So I’ve grown up with him and we even call him Dad (he’d probably get really mad if we suddenly stopped).
He’s got a lot of anger problems. There was a long patch where all they did was scream at each other.
He would always yell at me – never my sister and of course not my younger sister (she’s biologically his). One specific event I remember is once my mom was out and it was just me, my twin sister and step dad home. This was around when I was 15.
As I was coming down the stairs I slipped and fell and landed on our dog who was walking with me. I yelled out and the dog cried out, my step dad got up and came running over to the stairs.
Instead of seeing if I was okay he started freaking out and screamed at me for the good part of an hour. Starting with “you’re so clumsy you could’ve really hurt the dog” and going into “you’re so sensitive all you do is cry and you have no friends” and ending up at “you’ll never amount to anything, you’re worthless” etc. You get the picture..
Another instance was I was working on an english assignment when I was 17 where we had to create a video with a script we’d written and it had to be Shakespearean. So I was trying to edit the clips on the laptop in the den (the room that he likes the most). We don’t have wireless so I couldn’t leave.
Anyways it was Sunday and he was watching football. I couldn’t hear what I was doing even though I had headphones in so I asked him nicely if he could just mute the commercials and he flipped out on me.
First of all he hates when english teachers give media projects. So anyways he freaked out and at first it was an argument about why I couldn’t go somewhere else to do it, then about the assignment and it escalated to the point where he told me to get out of the room and I said that I wouldn’t because I needed to finish this assignment.
Well he grabbed my arm and roughly walked me out of the room and slammed the door in my face.
I was so shocked and shook up that I hid in the bathroom and called my mom (who was at the university – she had gone back a few years ago and was working on an assignment that was due that week). I whisper told her what happened and she left to come home.
There was a huge argument and I refused to talk to him and my mom couldn’t figure out from us what really happened.
She was pissed she had to leave and she ended up being really mad at me. I was so hurt.
That’s not all. My step dad smokes, like a chimney. We’re talking 1 after another after another.
Anyways I’ve always tried to be really nice but he smokes in the house and I can’t stand it. I have asthma so it makes it really hard for me to breathe. So I would usually leave the room when he started smoking and would refuse to get in cars with him etc.
This has caused a lot of fights. My mom thinks I should just “get over it” but I can’t. I refuse to compromise my health. I’ve never been rude or even asked him to stop or go outside! I always remove myself.
Also my dad is really not happy with me dating Boyfriend or Best Friend because of the age difference (BF is 13.5 years older – I’m 20 he’s 33) and was somewhat friends with my dad before we started dating.
So all of this has happened and we’re not very close – I don’t live at home and we rarely speak. When I’m down for holidays I rarely go to their house because of the smoke.
Anyways. For BF’s and my wedding I’ve decided that I want to walk down the aisle alone.
If I had the choice I’d have my real dad walk me down the aisle but he can’t. So the next best option is by myself.
I really always have done everything for myself (I’m paying my way through school, I bought everything for myself whereas my mom pays for everything for my siblings) so I find it fitting that I would walk myself.
But Boyfriend or Best Friend is worried that my dad will take it the wrong way and be really mad (he’ll probably already be pretty unhappy when we announce that we’re engaged when we actually become engaged).
So Bees, how do you think I should do this?
I was thinking of telling my mom first but I don’t want her to go right to my dad and tell him. I’m not sure how to tell him that I don’t want him to walk me down the aisle
Have any of you experienced a similar problem or situation?