(Closed) What to do about my MOH and her infant at dress appointment??

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
3993 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Has she never had a babysitter before? Is she single? I’m just a bit confused about the details, because if she has a capable husband or has left her child with someone before, I don’t see the problem.

If she IS single and hasn’t left her baby with anyone before, though, I can see her side more. She may not be ready to leave her baby alone for an extended amount of time yet. I guess what I’m saying is it depends on her circumstances.

Either way, I think you have to just respect her decision and let it all play out. It’s not absolutely necessary that she be there – my Maid/Matron of Honor wasn’t there when I went dress shopping. One thing about planning weddings is that people may surprise you, and not always in a good way. You just have to roll with it.

ETA: I think breastfeeding plays a role in this also. Have you asked her what her actual thoughts/feelings are related to this?

Post # 4
846 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Is she nursing? I can see that she wouldn’t want to leave her baby for so long if that’s the case. Maybe talk to the store again and see if they can make an exception – it’s not like a 6 month old will be running around or wiping dirty hands on the dresses and your Maid/Matron of Honor can easily take her outside if she cries. 

Also is there any other store you can go to that might have a different policy?

Post # 5
3196 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

That’s crazy that the store won’t let the baby in! It’s dissappointing but it doesn’t sound like there is much you can do. Can she meet you for the luncheon after?

Post # 6
7960 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@hisluckygirl22:  there’s not much you can do.  can the baby’s father take the child for a few hours?

maybe your moh can just meet up with everyone later for the lunch. 

Post # 7
628 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@hisluckygirl22:  You are taking it too personally.  Both of you.

I understand you wanting your friend to come, but logistically you are asking her to do quite a bit in terms of arranging for a sitter to go shopping, and yeah a bridal shop is not a place for a baby, so she’s being silly by thinking her precious baby should be able to come everywhere.  There are some places that are not appropriate for babies.  This is one of them.  But it is also not mandatory that your bridesmaids go shopping for your dress.

This doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about you, but honestly, going to pick out your dress is one small thing in the grand scheme of wedding planning, and don’t take it personally if her main priority is being with her child rather than spending the entire day focused on your wedding (because let’s face it, store, then lunch, then hanging out when the main stop is the bridal salon is a day focused on your wedding).

She will still be there with you for your wedding, but you need to scale back your expectations for her because her life is in a different place right now.

Post # 8
2792 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Yeah sorry, I think you’re being unreasonable. Theres no reason she needs to be dress shopping with you, bridal salons are crowded enough without brides bringing an entourage. And it’s way over the line for you to tell her what to do with her baby if shes uncomfortable leaving it. 

Post # 10
1075 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

My Maid/Matron of Honor brought her baby and I wasn’t upset at all. He was SO good! I can’t imagine a bridal shop turning you away for bringing a baby. If so, guess they don’t want your business. I think that because you called to ask, maybe you asked in a leading way or they could tell you were displeased by your tone, so they responded as they thought you wanted them to.

Post # 11
8373 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@hisluckygirl22:  I would advise you to try very, very hard to look at this situation through the eyes of your friend.  She is a new mother.  She has a six-month-old infant.  She doesn’t want to be away from her baby for an entire afternoon. It’s not as if she’s blowing off the dress appointment so that she can do something unimportant. She wants to be there with you. However, the dress shop simply will not allow her to be there under the circumstances in which she is comfortable participating.

I know it’s disappointing to you, but you still can involve her through picture texts, Skype, facetime, etc. if you would like her to be involved while you’re there, or perhaps you could visit her later that day or another day to discuss your dress decision and show her pics of what you found and like. 

Whatever you do, please do not allow this situation to have a negative impact on a precious, long-term friendship.  I would put your friendship first, the needs of her baby second, and your dress appointment, third.

Post # 12
616 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@hisluckygirl22:  I also agree that the store won’t turn away a potential customer who could be spending thousands because they have a 6 month along. A 6 month-old is more likely to sleep than to be disruptive. It’s a pretty stupid thing to say to a customer and I think you should encourage your friend to bring the baby along and not worry about it. I seriously doubt the store would have the nerve to say anything, especially if the little one is just hanging out. I wouldn’t want to shop at a store that had such a lame policy. Bridal stores cater to women, many women are moms and they need to welcome well-behaved children. 

Post # 13
7384 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m sorry, she won’t leave a 6 month old at home for a few hours? What? It’s not a newborn ffs. Have you asked her WHY she won’t leave the baby on this particular occasion? 

Post # 14
900 posts
Busy bee

Unfortunately, Idaho is one of the few US states where breastfeeding is not protected by law.  If it were, you (and your friend) could argue that by not allowing her to bring her infant into the store (where she is permitted to be) to breastfeed, the staff are breaking the law.

I do think that the store’s policy is unreasonable – an infant is not the same as a “young child,” since they are not independently mobile and will thus not be damaging the gowns or other bridal supplies.  If they become noisy and disruptive, the staff could ask the mother to take them to a quiet room where the child would be less disturbed/distracted, and allowed to calm down.

I also think you need to be more understanding of your friend’s views on this.  Being told that she can’t bring her infant to the salon because the store does not allow it is very different from being asked by you – her friend – to leave her infant at home so the group can have some alone time.  If I were in her shoes, I might well be willing to do the latter, but I would definitely put my foot down over the former (and probably picket the salon over their exclusionary policy, to boot)!

Post # 15
4913 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@hisluckygirl22:  Find a new salon. I’ve never heard of such a rule. My friend’s bm also brought her infant son with her when we went dress shopping and he was swaddled the entire timeand sleeping – wasn’t an issue. She brought him with us when we went out for my going away party. She left him home for the wedding. I have never heard of a store forbidding a baby from coming, how did they even know that the baby was going to come??? You’re both being ridiculous – she should leave the baby at home, but if she doesn’t want to, I can understand why she’s offended with this salon. I would find a new one.

Post # 16
5995 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@hisluckygirl22:  Are you sure she can “easily get a babysitter”? Just because she got one in the past, doesn’t mean it is easy for her. Maybe they were shorter outings. Or maybe her mother can only do it certain days. (My mother had a 9-5 job when my kids were little, so weekdays were out for her). Plus for many women, pumping is a pain.

So from her point of view it was possibly a huge hassle to get her little one babysat, not to mention easy and fun to take her out with her. And as others have said, 6 months old kids aren’t much trouble. They’re not mobile at that age, so she’d either sleep, or sit in her stroller.

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