(Closed) What to do about my MOH

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

Ugh, that sucks.  My two best friends are a little competitive with eachother, so who would get Maid/Matron of Honor status was a big deal.  Luckily I have a sister, so I made her Maid/Matron of Honor, and you can’t really argue with that!  Unfortunately I’m guessing that’s not an option for you…

I think you pretty much have two options. 

1) would be to sit her down and explain that you understand she’s going through a rough time, and that you don’t want to put more pressure on her to be excited/focused on your wedding, and have chosen a different friend.

2) is pretty much to give her the title of Maid/Matron of Honor, realizing full well that she may not be really into your wedding.  This is kind of the  situation with my sister, since she’s currently backpacking in Australia and won’t be back until a few weeks before the wedding.  I obviously don’t expect her to run around doing wedding errands, or really anything, but it means a lot to me that she’ll still have been my Maid/Matron of Honor.

 

Post # 4
Member
626 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

That’s rough!  As far as your friendship goes though would you cosider her your best friend or is there someone else that you are closer to?

Post # 5
Member
626 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Also, do you see yourself being friends with her in the future?  Sometimes you really need to just look at how you see your future relationships before making such a big decision.  Don’t burn yourself!  It would be so much easier if you had a sister!!

Post # 6
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Thats really rough, can you not have a maid of honour or would that be too different for you?

Post # 7
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

“She said she would be hurt and would go toe to toe with any of my other friends about it.”

Ummm…not really the characteristics of a Maid/Matron of Honor IMO. You have the decision of picking the persons that you think will be happy for you and do what they can (within reason) to help you make your day what you want it to be. If you don’t think that she can do that…don’t ask her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor. Also, the other BMs (MOH) shouldn’t have to worry about being confronted over a decision YOU made. The fact that she even made the comment would disqualify her in my eyes b/c I don’t do drama well.

Post # 10
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@Jessica….in that case…I agree with euro….I would just gather all of the girls together and let them know that your bond with each of them is different but equally special and so you wouldn’t feel right singling one out over the others.

Post # 11
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I hate to be a downer on the “everybody’s equal” idea, but if you decide to go for this make sure you spread the duties out equally.  If one person signs the registry, and makes a speech and everything, it’s going to be obvious who’s the “de facto maid of honour”, which I think is almost worse.

Post # 12
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Ok first of all, I would NEVER let anyone tell me that they not only have to be in my wedding but they have to be the MOH! Were you ever considering her for your Maid/Matron of Honor before she invited herself. Honestly that’s just rude and by the way you’re talking about her, you never considered her. Maybe she wants a distraction from her own life but it seems like she doesn’t need the extra stress and neither do you! She’s not interested in your big day and is bossing you around..no, I really don’t think it would be a good or smart idea to have her in the wedding party at all. Just gently let her down. Please, please don’t let her walk all over you!! Stand up for yourself, this is your big day!!!

Post # 13
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I am having Maid/Matron of Honor drama also!!! Unfortunately I did sit down with mine and talk to her….it was a big blow out….we cried we yelled we hugged…..I left feeling better she promised to be more involved…..has yet to even call me its been 2 weeks!  My friend that I was close with but we had lost touch and then met back up again this past summer…has been here at least 2 nights a week every week helping me.  But I already asked my Maid/Matron of Honor to be the Maid/Matron of Honor….My advice coming from someone that i dont want to say chose the wrong person beacuse I love her to death but she just doesnt have the time to put in and doesnt seem interested in any of it……but I guess I will say wrong person for lack of any other way to put it…..I would put alot of thought into the person or people that are going to be there for you!  thank god for this website b/c without I would have 1 person, my friend to talk to……even my mother has been causing all kinds of drama!  I asked my friend that has been there for me thru this whole thing to also be my Maid/Matron of Honor so I have 2 and a matron of honor(my sister) …..I technically have 3 but feel like i have 1 1/2 hahaha  Choose wisely….it hurts when u want someone to be interested and no matter how you try they never are! 

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