(Closed) What to do about rude bridesmaid? (long and venty)

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
347 posts
Helper bee

I’m so sorry you are going through that!

To be honest, and I hate to say it…but if I were in this situation, I would pull out of hers and kick her out of mine.  You sound like a fantastic person and you don’t deserve this.  You’ve gone out of your way to help this selfish B.  I know it totally sucks b/c she’s been your best friend for a long time but unfortunately, people change.  I’ve had it happen to me and it’s totally disappointing but I’ve realized that I have better friends in my life, even if they weren’t older friends (friends from long ago). 

I think your wedding sounds fantastic.  We got married on about a 5k budget and did tons of things ourselves and everyone had a great time.  I don’t think you deserve being stressed throughout your wedding process and you shouldn’t have to be put through what she is doing to you.

Best of luck to you! 

Post # 4
1667 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

“I like my family-centric, rustic, handcrafted wedding! It’s what I always wanted, and no amount of money would change that. But I do feel like I need to let her know that she is being rude.”

That right there is your answer. YOU are excited and happy about your wedding and this chick either needs to get on board with that or get out of the picture. Next time she says something snarky about your wedding, call her out on it! Tell her that your wedding may not be her style, but it’s your wedding and if she can’t support you and be happy for you, then she is not being a good bridesmaid.

You need to confront her about this before it gets any worse. I’m non-confrontational, so i know that is hard, but lay down the bridal law! In the words of Barney Fife, Nip it in the bud!

For your amusement:


Post # 5
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Oy. Well, as you said, you’re going to have to call her out on it. You can start with a simple “ouch. You know, that really hurt my feelings” and see where that takes you. Everytime she says something mean (which is what it is. Aside from being rude, she’s being very mean) you’ll need to tell her that her comment was hurtful. Eventually if you decide that you don’t want her in your bridal party, it can work up to “you know, from what you’ve been saying to me, I don’t think you’d be comfortable being a bridesmaid in the kind of wedding that I’m going to have. I want you to be comfortable, so why don’t you go ahead and just attend as a guest?”

Post # 6
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I would start off by having a talk with her about all of this. I wouldn’t talk about how you think she’s changed, but maybe recently how hurtful the things she’s been saying to you have been. You’ve been friends for a long time, so I think you do owe it to her to be upfront about what’s bothering you.

If things continue to go down hill from there, then maybe she’s not the friend you thought she was, and it might be a good idea to start pulling away more. If you pull out of her wedding and ask her to step down from yours, it’s almost a guarantee that your friendship is over. I would just say that you need to be prepared for that if you decide to go that route.

Aside from all of that, she does sound incredibly rude! It doesn’t matter what your wedding looks like or how much it costs. She’s losing sight of the real reason for the wedding – you marrying the love of your life! I wish you luck with everything and hope it all works out!

Post # 7
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Oh goodness, this girl needs to come back town to Earth. Wow! I think you should tell her how her comments are making you feel. That’s the best place to start. Hopefully that will help her snap out of it and respect you a little more as a friend.. but if it doesn’t, if she gets really defensive, then I would respectfully back out of being her Maid/Matron of Honor and ask her to just be a guest at your wedding, if she can be bothered to attend an ‘unclassy’ affair.

Post # 8
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Ugh, what a lousy situation.  I’d be annoyed/frustrated, too.  It’s made all the worse by the fact that she is not/was not normally like this, so it’s not like you can just write it off as her being an awful snob.  Sometimes people just become so focused on their own priorities and tastes that they forget that these things are in fact highly personal and individual. 

I would probably try at least once to have a heart to heart with her, although it’s definitely not going to be fun.  Maybe say something along the lines of, “You’ve really hurt my feelings with some of your comments, and I’m worried that we’re drifting apart.  Can we talk about what’s happening here?”  Maybe talk about the fact that your weddings/tastes/preferences/situations are different and that’s OK with you and *should* be OK with her, too?

I’m the Maid/Matron of Honor for a dear friend in June; she’s my co-MOH in August.  We have very different tastes and budgets, and our weddings will be very different.  I would be incredibly hurt if she acted anything like how your friend is behaving.  True friends should be able to be 100% supportive, even without agreeing with decisions being made.  I’m sorry. 🙁  I hope it works out for you.

Also, side note: $400 on Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses?  Yikes.

Post # 9
489 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Man.  Sorry about all of this!  It sounds like a lot of unecessary stress.  It seems like she is ashamed of where she comes from (maybe influenced by her Fiance family?)  and is trying to distance herself as far as possible from that. She is being incredibly condescending and RUDE, which is the true sign of low class.  I know its really hard, but you need to call her out on it.  It may end up that the friendship ends because of it- but it is better than just pulling out of her wedding and kicking her out of yours.  You have to at least tell her how terrible she’s being and give her a chance to redeem herself.

Post # 10
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@VentyBride:  The next time she says something rude about your wedding or your life, simply respond very cooly with, “I’m so sorry my choices displease you but I am quite happy with them.”  Repeat as necessary.

Your wedding sounds charming.  Your “friend” has bought into the wedding industry line of BS that a wedding is supposed to be a large, expensive, vulgar festival.  Budget has absolutely nothing to do with whether a wedding is tacky or not. 


Post # 11
44 posts
  • Wedding: June 2008

This is my opinion and defiantely what I would do:

Schedule a time w/her to have a face to face talk. Set up a lunch or dinner etc. Tell her how she’s making you feel and how/why it’s upsetting you. Something along the lines of – “I’m so happy that you asked me to be your MoH and so happy that you’re having the wedding of your dreams. That being said, it seems to me our friendship has changed in the following ways…insert reasons…and it really hurts my feelings that you’re putting me down about my wedding. I think we really need to talk about this.”

If she dosnt want any part of the discussion or if it seems to not really solve anything then I’d tell her in a nice and polite way that you need to bow out of her wedding and that you’ll have to replace her position as one of your BM’s. It’s not worth all the stress that’s she’s putting you thru and if she doesnt want to step back and look at the possibility that she might be hurting you then youre better off!


Good Luck! And congrats on your wedding! It sounds like it will be a blast! : )

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