(Closed) What to do about significant others?????? HELP!!!!!

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
1262 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

blueeyedgirl94:  NO. I HATE HATE HATE when people who aren’t getting married have opinions on bridal parties. It boggles my mind. Don’t give her anything but an invite, and even that’s generous. 

Post # 3
1207 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

It’s your choice who you want to take part in your wedding. Unless your Fiance had a strong opinion about including her, i would just have her as a guest. if someone brings it up that you alrrady have these positions covered. 

Post # 5
77 posts
Worker bee

Perhaps you could assign her the job of handing out programs at the ceremony, that way she’ll need to leave earlier than everyone else in order to be there when the first guests arrive? <br /><br />If you don’t want her involved even in that type of capacity, then I would just explain to her that you want her to “enjoy the day” with the rest of the guests and don’t want her to “get caught up in all the frenzy and stress of getting ready with the bridal party” (if it comes up). That way it sounds as if you’re doing her a favor by not inviting her to get ready with the bridal party. 

Post # 6
619 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I was thinking about that problem too recently, but it turned out that they broke up this summer so problem solved! I don’t think it’s always that easy though! 😛 She probably knows that you don’t like her already so she won’t mind if you don’t give her any special role in the wedding. However, it would be nice of you (but not mandatory I guess) if you made the seating arrangements so that she can sit with your bro-in-law at least…? 

Post # 7
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

blueeyedgirl94:  It’s your wedding! I don’t see anything wrong with extending an invitation and letting her know that you look forward to seeing her at the ceremony. If there is push back, is it possible to get your fiance to talk to his family and explain that you had really hoped to keep the getting ready/ participant group as personal as possible, even though you’re both looking forward to her attending the wedding?

Post # 8
7680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

blueeyedgirl94:  While I agree she should have no official part in the wedding, I don’t think you can exclude her from getting ready when she’s with the groom’s family and from out of town. She should be treated like other women in the groom’s family (e.g. like his sister if he has one), which would mean getting ready with the rest of the groom’s side.

If you’re worried about photos, just ensure some photos are done with “blood family” only.

Post # 10
508 posts
Busy bee

I’d assign her usher duties, so she has to be at the venue at least 1/2 hour before the ceremony.  I had 2 bridesmaids and I got their lovely husbands to be ushers, it worked out really well.  They felt special even though it wasn’t a difficult task!  They greeted people, handed out an order of service and a pot of bubble-blower solution (we couldn’t have rice or confetti at the venue).  I also scheduled in 2 readings at our wedding ceremony because I had two friends who were contenders for bridesmaids but I didn’t want more than 2 maids so doing a short reading made them happy also.

Isn’t it such a pain when you have to deal with people you don’t actually want at your wedding!    Groan … 15 years later I’m just at the very early planning stages of wedding #2 and already dreading a few conversations about invitations.  

Post # 11
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - The Old Courthouse in Cleveland

I definitely think that she should be exactly what you want her to be, in your case- a guest. I know the feeling, if I could not even invite my FBIL’s gf- I wouldnt. But for the sake of not being the “bad guy” she should be invited, but the people who are given a role in your wedding should be people that you genuinely want to be taking part in your special day, not people you feel obliged to include. 

Post # 12
2089 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

blueeyedgirl94:  I don’t think you need to make her a part of the wedding AT ALL. You are under no obligation to incorporate anyone you don’t want to at your wedding. I think just being a guest is fine

Post # 13
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - Mauritius

Definatly just invite her to the wedding, do not feel pressured to give her a job. This is why we are eloping, takes all the stress out of it 🙂


Post # 14
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

blueeyedgirl94:  I don’t think it is wrong that you do not have her as a role in your bridal party. However, as for if she is with the groomsmen while they get ready – well, that’s really up to your Fiance. Have you Future Brother-In-Law and his gf been together for a long time? Or has the family known her for a long time? That may be why they are pushing for it. I, for the life of me, do not understand why people think that various people should be included in wedding party things. It should really be left up to the groom and bride.

Post # 15
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

It’s YOUR wedding.  That being said. Give you the guest book. It’s a useless job in my opinion.  LOL.


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