(Closed) What to do about step parent??

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I do think she should be included, since she is technically family. I’m not close to my step-mother either (not that I have a problem with her, just not close) but she’s still my dad’s wife.

Post # 4
3692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

If his bio-dad is in the photos, the step-mom has to be as well.  If his dad isn’t really involved, I’d suggest leaving them both out of the pictures.  

Post # 5
5183 posts
Bee Keeper

If bio dad is left out, leave out the step mom. IF he is in the pics..she has to be also (unless its a guys pic or something). If your Fiance doesn’t care to involve bio dad at all.. then just treat the both of them as guests and keep them away or at cocktail hour during the family pics.

Post # 6
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Yes, Step-mom should be in family photos. You can also do separate ones with each couple- I’m planning on having photos with my Mom, and others with Dad and Step-mom.

Post # 7
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

If you include bio dad, include his wife – period.  How on earth would you even say to her face “We don’t want you in the pics.”?  She may feel awkward and offer to bow out on her own, but I’d still include her.  It is the right thing to do.  She is his wife and she has done nothing to either of you.  

Post # 8
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’d leave it up to Fiance since it’s his fam.  It seems like he’s not even that close with his dad- his dad should be happy he’s invited at all. 

Post # 9
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If he wants his dad in the pictures, it won’t hurt to snap one of you guys with his dad and step mom, and one of you guys with just his dad.  If he doesn’t want his dad in the pictures, follow his lead.

You have some time before that…is it possible that you guys can go out to dinner with them or something to meet her beforehand?  It seems like you’re really anxious about meeting her at the wedding.  If I were you, I’d want to get a feel for what she’s like, and for what his bio dad is like, before the festivities.  That way you kind of know what to expect and it might ease some anxiety.


ETA: Agree with the poster right above me, his dad is pretty lucky to be invited if he was absent from his son’s life for any length of time.

Post # 10
141 posts
Blushing bee

Follow your partner’s lead. It is his father and his choice how much of a relationship he wishes to have with the man.

I would ask your fiance this question directly. If he wants them to be like guests, then they are guests. If he doesn’t want them in the photos, or only wants them in some, then go along with that too.

If however he wants more (ie. he wants you to “buddy” up with them and treat them like family) then he needs to arrange a dinner beforehand and introduce you to them.

Post # 12
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

We didn’t take a formal photo with DH’s dad and stepmom (similar situation to yours), it caused huge drama and back blow. It’s the one thing I regret about our wedding. We should have taken the literal 1 minute to take a photo with them. The photographer is there and paid for. It’s not worth the emotions and the drama to skip it, believe me.

It would be nice for you to meet them before the wedding, maybe just a dinner out somewhere so you’re on neutral ground?

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