Post # 1
How do you deal with stupid things your husband says/does? Is there some trick that I’m not aware of? Please help!
Sometimes he says things that are just…ridiculous. As if his brain left his body. Here’s an example of the latest and greatest:
We’re in the living room and he’s telling me about work. Saying that one of the guys (let’s call him John) that he considers a friend, teased him. The way he was teased actually made some of the other guys start asking him questions. So he was a little annoyed about the situation with John. Then he says “You know I think John is autistic.”
I’ve met John. He is 100% NOT autistic.
So I’m trying not to laugh but also now feeling bad for poor autistic John, and thinking my husband has lost his mind.
Now that you have a sample of stupid things he says, what can I do to handle things like this? I’m still trying not to laugh.
Post # 2
It could have been that he thinks John is socially awkward which he attributes to autism, autism is a huge spectrum.
When it happens again, ask him why he thinks that. Why does he think he’s autistic, or why did he say the stupid thing he said?
If he doesn’t know he’s offending you or bothering you, he can’t fix it.
Post # 3
Thanks, that’s a good point. I should’ve asked why he thinks that.
Just in general though he says/does kind-of stupid things and they’re usually things that don’t matter in the big picture. None of it really bothers me. It surprises me more than anything lol. Then I’m not sure how to react when he says things like that.
Post # 4
Just start asking him for more information on his thoughts. He might realize he’s being offensive, or you might be able to explain why what he’s saying could be seen as offensive
Post # 5
Every time he says something stupid, tell him it’s stupid. Eventually he’ll get tired of hearing it and maybe start thinking before he speaks.
Post # 6
I hope you’re kidding. No one wants their spouse to tell them what they’re saying is stupid. I just roll with it…everyone has their own thoughts and opinions. When my husband’s don’t align with mine, I just either talk it out, or just don’t say anything. It’s not a big picture issue. Like OP says. It would be rather discouraging and rude to tell someone you disagree with them every time they spoke. I’ve found, after 10 years of marriage, that if hubby explains himself, I can usually see where he’s coming from. And if not…then oh well. I’m sure I say dumb stuff too. Don’t we all.
Post # 7
if either of us take offence with something stupid the other has said, then we call each other on it. Otherwise we either ignore the stupid comments or take the piss, depending on he context of the comment and the mood the other person is in. So for example, if one of us said something stupid that is not offensive because we’re stressed and ranting about something, the other let’s it go. If it’s not offensive and the person is tired and getting their words jumbled up a bit, then we’ll take the piss and get the other person to smile. We all say/do stupid stuff but how you react will depend on the dynamics of your relationship, it’s not a One size fits all.
Post # 8
I’d start saying in repsonse, “I hope you never say that in public,” and he’ll eventually get the hint that he’s really not being very funny.
Post # 9
So the teasing led to uncomfortable questions from the others?
It sounds to me like your husband was embarrassed by John and said what he said to divert attention off himself.
Did he mean John is autistic and unaware his questions are inappropriate, or did he mean it as an insult, like John has autism the way people used to say “retard” in the 80’s?
I’d ask him why he said that.
Post # 10
When my husband said that it was just at home when he was talking to me. I’ve met John and he’s certainly not autistic. I’m not sure he meant it as either of those things. I think he was trying to figure out why John would have teased him…I just can’t figure out how he came to that conclusion.
Post # 11
Thank you, this is helpful 🙂
Post # 12
Thank you, this was helpful 🙂 Think I’ll try to let things go a little more.
Post # 13
I think its jumping to conclusions to say your husbands comment was stupid. Maybe he has made the comment out of frustration for being teased or maybe there is reason behind his comment. He should be able to safely express himself in private with you.
I agree with Sansa85
that when your husband makes comments as you described above its an invitation to explore further and have a conversation to understand him better.
Post # 14
I’m 100% confused on what actually happened here. Without more details or other examples of things he says, it’s hard to give advice. Based on what you’ve written here alone, I’d agree with Sansa and just probe further into why he says or thinks these things.
Post # 15
It kind of sounds like a defensive comment due to being teased. Even relaying it to you may have made him feel embarrassed.
Maybe he said it because it reminded him of what he thinks are autistic characteristics.
I don’t think he meant it as he was actually autistic.
I’m used to this kind of behaviour though, my partner and his family have a dark, dry and very English sense of humour which can seem offensive but it’s what we are used to and they would never maliciously joke to anyone about any problems they have.