What to do about stupid things my husband says…

posted 2 years ago in Married Life
Post # 16
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

greeneyedbee :  If it’s a serious issue, or he feels strongly about it, sure I’d ask for more information so I can understand. But if it’s completely inane and actually stupid, I would tell him, and he’d do the same for me. Maybe saying “that’s stupid” is harsh, and that likely wouldn’t be my phrasing. Usually it’s something along the lines of “that makes zero sense”. I know that everyone’s relationships and lives are different, but in our home, that’s how we do it! 

I’ll add that I say completely ridiculous things all the time, and he lets me know when I do. It’s not hurtful, but helpful- gives me the chance to think about if what I said is actually ridiculous, or if he needs more explanation!

Post # 17
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I honestly don’t understand why would you consider what he said stupid. I mean, he is offering a possible -completely understandable- answer to an social interaction that he thought of as awkward and maybe somewhat uncomfortable. I don’t think that by suggesting that he might be austistic he is trying to insult him, but rather justify his actions and avoid other people reading too much into John’s actions/words.

However, what truly surprised me is how you consider some of his opinions to be stupid. Personally, I would find it very disrespectful and sad that my spouse, the person I trust the most besides myself, believe that some of things are say are stupid. I wouldn’t mind if he disagreed with me or thought he might have more insight into whatever we are talking about, but plain stupid? I can’t reconcille with the idea.

And to answer your questions: How do you deal with stupid things your husband says/does? Is there some trick that I’m not aware of? You don’t deal with it. Unless you were forced to marry him, you choosed to love with both qualities and quirks, without attempting to change him or tolerate him or even learn some trick to not be bothered by something that clearly shouldn’t be bothering you -I mean, he is saying it to you in the privacy of your house! The place where he should be the most comfortable at. 

Anyway, sorry for the half-rant. Good luck.

Post # 18
1754 posts
Buzzing bee

funnyfox :  Totally agree. I think it’s sad OP thinks what her husband thinks is stupid. I would be really upset if my fiance thought that things I said were stupid and was trying to get advice on how to deal with my stupidity.

Post # 19
9214 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Agree with PPs that I don’t think what he said was stupid. My Darling Husband has said/asked legit stupid things before. I just respond with one or more of the following: 😐🙄🤫🧐🤦‍♀️

Post # 20
1361 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t understand this post.  Can you give another example of him saying stupid things?

Post # 21
212 posts
Helper bee

I’m sure everything you ever say is 100% reasonable and intelligent 😉

Post # 23
625 posts
Busy bee

peacebethejourney :  I guess I can just look back and see my mistakes of nit picking or making a bigger deal about things that I should have just let roll off my back. People don’t need to be constantly critiqued or corrected all the time. Maybe you don’t do that…I’m just coming at it from the angle of how I used to be (and how hubby could be sometimes, too!) Hubby and I have had to make adjustments in how we handle things with each other. It’s like, “you be you, and I’ll be me…and that’s ok!” We got married rather quickly after meeting, so there was an adjustment period. I’m just trying to warn OP not to be too harsh or “mother hen” or even condescending just because she may not understand her hubbys position. Kindly inquiring further about his thoughts is a better approach than a “you say such stupid things” attitude. And the attitude WILL show thru in her actions and words. 

Post # 24
5112 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

It sounds like he was frustrated and trying to figure out why his friend embarassed him in front of everyone. Like PP said, I’m sure he recognized some socially awkward traits and that pointed to autistic. Kind of like “Hey, I saw John staring off into space for a straight 10 mins, I think he might be crazy”. An offhand comment, rather than a clinical diagnosis. 

People say things, sometimes those things come out not making much sense, just roll with it. It would be exhausting to be corrected all the time. As long as the point came across, I’d let it go. If not, ask them what they mean.

Post # 25
1962 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

Just ask a lot of questions and try to understand what he’s saying or what he’s trying to say

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