- 9 years ago
- Wedding: September 2011
So I’ve been out of touch with one branch of the family for about a year – not for any particular reason, but they never contacted me, and I decided I was tired of always being the one to keep up contact. There certainly wasn’t any sort of a fight.
I thought my (very small) wedding dinner would be a great time to get back in touch. We were all very close as kids, and I thought it would be wrong to leave them out (even though the 6 of them, counting sig o’s would constitute 25% of the total guest count!). They have responded in a really hostile matter, accusing me of cutting them off. Keep in mind that in this past year, I have not received a single email, text message, phone call, etc from any of them. Not a single time. I didn’t think it was a big deal, but look at the sort of response I’m getting from them:
yup…[we] will be there! there s just one thing i am baffeled by…why all of a sudden do u contact us? I realize this is an important time for you and that is awesome – congrats, but y do u want us apart of it when for the past year you disappeared and had absolutely no contact with this side of ur family? I know yousaid you havent been able to get in touch with my mom but why didnt u ever try to call me or leave a message for her thru me? My number never changed and there is always room on my vm? Any way, we will all be there and we r super happy for you!!!!
I mean what in the world am I supposed to make of this? with only 25 people attending, I really don’t want someone there who is going to be giving off bad vibes, And all three of my cousins have written back in similar fashion – and never mind that they took 2 weeks to even write back!
When I received the first message like this, I tried to ignore it, but I received another one from the other cousin and then the third cousin has been super passive – not really writing back to tell me whether he is bringing his girlfriend and/or kids. I’ve been nothing but SUPER polite.
The backstory of course is that this is how they have treated me for the last ten years – semi-resentfully even though I have bent over backwards to preserve the family relationship since I don’t have too many other family members. But I am really tired of this, and apart from my own feelings, I don’t want to ruin the day for my fiance and his family.
What should I do? I am strongly leaning towards uninviting them – saying it was just a mistake to invite them and that it’s clear they don’t want to be there so let’s just drop it. What do you think? I think this could very well permanently sever ties, but for how long can I put up with this systematically resentful treatment? Honestly I have really done some deep soul searching to make sure there is nothing I am missing that could justify this kind of behavior, but unless I am really stupid, I can’t think of anything.
Any thoughts would be appreciated. Am I over-reacting to this message? Is there any way to think this wasn’t meant to blame me and make me feel bad?