Post # 1
I have a few friends and family members that hae recently joined AA and mentioned to me that it would be hard to attended my wedding if the was Alcohol. Which really upsets me b/c I am planning on having an open bar at my wedding.
I want to be supportive of them but I don’t want to dissapoint my other guest at my wedding either. I am not a heavy drinker but I do want a wedding toast and I know that all of my other guests are expecting it too. I need help I am just not sure what to do.
Post # 3
Can you seat those recovering alcoholics at a table with others who don’t drink? Then use sparkling non-alcoholic cider for the toast for them?
I don’t think you should have to change an entire wedding to cater to a few people.
Post # 4
sorry if that sounds insensitive, but this is their problem and not yours.
clearly they are strugging, and it must be hard to be in a room stone cold sober when everyone around you is drinking.
but they need to figure out how to handle this situation by themselves.
you have plenty of other things to worry about.
Post # 5
@peachacid: I really like this idea!
Post # 6
I agree with the PPs. Part of being in AA is learning to deal with the tempations and being able to live your life while others are drinking. I agree with the sparkling cider idea, as it will let them feel part of it and festive. But in the end, I would not change your wedding for a few people.
Post # 7
@ashasmith: You tell them. “I’ll be sad if you can’t make it, but you have to do what is best for you”
If they cannot handle the temptation, then they should decline the invitation, and you should handle that decline with grace and tact.
Post # 8
Here’s the deal. And I say this with a lot of history behind me. An alcoholic’s use or not use of alcohol is for the ALCOHOLIC to own. Putting the responsibility to not serve alcohol at your wedding ON YOU is not taking ownership for their own inability to control their addiction. The responsibility is on THEM to not drink or to not attend the reception.
Now, I’m not saying you offer them wine. Don’t. Have PLENTY Of non-alcoholic drinks on hand. Find out their fave soda and makes sure it’s a choice. But you can’t eliminate all alcohol from your reception out of fear that they might drink. Life, and all the nasty components that come with it, is up to them to learn how to develop coping strategies to handle the issues that led them to drink.
Not serving alcohol doesn’t help them. And actually, it’s a pretty co-dependent thing to do….. you are altering your environment, expectations and experiences to fit the addicts needs.
They have to *own* their recovery. Sobriety isn’t ensuring you put yourself in situations where you CAN’T drink. That’s called living dry. Sobriety is developing the ability to be in a situation and CHOOSE not to drink…. or to have the self-awareness to recogize that it’s not a situation you should be in…. and then graciously decline to attend your reception. HOWEVER, if they decline to attend….. you graciously accept their regrets. Be proud of them for recognizing that they have identified a situation that they are not strong enough to handle and are taking ownership in their recovery.
That’s the “wisdom to know the difference” part of the prayer.
Post # 9
I will have at least 2 Alcoholics at my wedding. We are having usual beer and wine, but also providing sweet tea, lemonade and water. I personally think it is up the what the AA member thinks they can control. If they feel they are not strong enough to be around alcohol then it up to them. As long as you are providing non acoholic beverages, I personally think that is the best you can do.
Post # 10
@September29: These are newly joined members, which I think would make the temptation extra difficult.
Post # 11
@Cheeks225: You seriously just like copied the post I had written in my head.
Post # 12
Since I have a lot of people coming who are under 21, and a few who just don’t drink, I am going to make sure to have a lot of great options that aren’t alcoholic.
Post # 13
You shouldn’t make any consessions on your wedding because some of your friends are recovering alcoholics. They’re all adults and should have the willpower to stay from booze for a few hours.
Post # 14
There were lots of sober people at our wedding. And lots of drunks. For the toast everyone was offered bubbly or fake-bubbly (sparkling wine or sparkling grape juice). Then there was water at the table and soft drinks at the bar. My preggers SIL wasn’t dehydrated, she did her own damage on the bar tab drinking ginger ale. 🙂
Post # 15
So…I actually had a mostly-dry wedding because an immediate family member went into AA during the planning process.
But, I wouldn’t have done it for friends. I only did it for my dad because I wanted to show him my support and I was having a small wedding where half the people weren’t drinkers anyway. I love my friends, but if they had asked me this, I would have very lovingly declined. I agree that sitting them together with some sparkling grape juice is enough of a concession.
Post # 16
I agree with PPs – it’s great that you’re being sensitive, but this isn’t something you should be stressing over. Just make sure there are plenty of non-alcoholic drinks available and that’s all you can do! I also liked the idea of seating people together, but only if it works out naturally. I’d hate to be separated from my friends and family because I’m at the “AA” table.