- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
This is a long story so you are forewarned and I’m sorry.
I was raised Catholic and my FH was not raised any specific religion, he thinks he was baptised, but isn’t sure, because he and his mom do not communicate anymore. I was an altar server, a member of the church choir, and a reader for a guest priest. I’ve done altar serving for weddings, first communions, regular mass, funerals, the whole nine yards.
I don’t want to force my religion onto him but he always understood if I wanted to get married in a church (and it’s rather hard to find a ceremony location and officiant, I’ve found out.) We went to a church wedding recently and he thought it was very awkward and he said he felt out of place. I always wanted to get married in the church I grew up in, but then as we got engaged, I kept feeling bad, because I dont’ want to force him into my religion. He said if anything, He’d want to go get married in one of the really nice gorgeous churches in Pittsburgh if we decided to get married in a church, and my grandfather would be really dissapointed if I didn’t get married Catholic (when my cousin didn’t get married catholic he didn’t talk to her for like a month before the wedding). The thing is though – Pre-marital counseling and all that stuff, I know FH would not like at all, plus, he believes IN a god, but he doesn’t believe in any specific organized religion, and I for some reason could see a priest not wanting to marry us for this reason. I’m one of the ones that would rather live with someone first before marrying them because that’s another whole level of “getting to know each other”. We also currently live with each other. We got an apartment near my college because I lost my only means of transportation to college, and I was graduating in a little less than a month, so we got an apartment near my college and I walked back and forth every day (the college I attended, You would still have to pay back all the money even if you didn’t get a degree, so it was the smartest decision to make at the time.)
I also am not considering the church I grew up in anymore, but that’s because both priests that I would have wanted to marry us have left our church. The one priest got diagnosed with cancer and the second priest got “chased out” by our parish by the older people in the parish because they didn’t like how laid-back he was and how he changed the way things were run there (He started actually doing events with the parish, like they took donations for a TV for the church hall and they would have football parties every sunday after mass, and he’d attend them too. I don’t get how that’s a bad thing, but a lot of the older people didn’t approve of it.) He ultimately ended up going back to Pittsburgh.
I really don’t know what to do about this entire situation because I’m faced with family pressures to get married catholic, and then the fears of pre-marital counseling, and I really don’t want to force my religion onto FH. I’ve gone through the whole nine yards up to this for the steps to be a “full-fledged catholic” but we don’t even know if FH got baptised, or if he’d have to go through the steps to become catholic, and then do pre-marital counseling and become members of a new church. I don’t know what it’s like to switch churches, because I’ve gone to the same one my whole life.
What are the steps to switch churches? What do you have to do for pre-marital counseling and would he have to “turn” catholic?
Up until this point we wanted to have an outdoor wedding, but We’re having trouble finding venues in our area that are affordable, and every officiant we’ve e-mailed has NOT returned our e-mails.