(Closed) What to do about unsatisified sex life – PGrated

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
66 posts
Worker bee

Have you been able to identify first off how you do things to make it work and then how he attempts it- what are the differences? He doesn’t know the area? The pressure? The speed?

Seems like because of how much tension and aversion has been created, you guys will need to go back to square one and work up some baby steps. Just intimacy, no sex. Foreplay etc. You have to get back to a place where touch is positive and you are desiring more!

Your Fiance will also need some confidence building regarding your body and satisfaction. You said you may be able to get off with a vibrator once a month- is that him controlling it or yourself?

Post # 5
Member
2459 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I know sex is not everything but it is pretty dam important, i would advise you to sort this out before walking down the isle.

 I have been with my husband for over 11 years and he still turns me on, I really think you guys need to work this out, you are about to marry someone and spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn’t turn you on, I see big issues arrising in a few years time.

Post # 6
Member
227 posts
Helper bee

Have you been to see a sex therapist together? Would your Fiance be willing to get over his ego enough to give that a shot? 

Post # 10
Member
3367 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I’m so sorry you’re living this way… but you have to be honest with him or it will never change.  My guess is that he really does want to please you and the results of getting it right would be worth the risk of hurting his ego.  Do you give him any feedback at all at this point? 

Post # 12
Member
3367 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

@unsatisifiedbee:  Wow.  Sounds like my last post doesn’t apply, as you’ve gone so far at to take classes together.  Is he focusing too long on one area at a time?  I know I get irritated (doesn’t feel good anymore) if my husband is too into doing one thing and doesn’t switch it up, if that makes sense.

Post # 14
Member
1543 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

One word- Foreplay.And not with a vibrator. Women sexual sensations actually are mostly on the outside – not the inside. No sex toys- and keep his pants on. He’s got hands and a tongue- He’s gotta learn to use them.

I rarely get an orgasm from “just sex”and im pretty sure that only happens because he got me 90% of the way with other stuff.

Our sex has a lot of other stuff mixed in. before, during and after. What can i say – the man is good with his hands. lol

 

Talk to him – you can do it without telling him he’s not good enough. Just say you wanna try something new. and give him some instructions but otherwise just let him go to town. And ofcourse encourage when he’s getting close.

Post # 15
Member
2459 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

@unsatisifiedbee:  You just mentioned that you have recently gained weight and want to loose, could your self esteem have anything to do with how you are feeling?

Post # 16
Member
9952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Ok, another oldie chipping in here (I am over 50)

Sex is an important part of a relationship for sure… so you should explore ways that you could have a better “party” together for both of you

Because “generally speaking” overtime, the lack of good sex will eat an a relationship (in some ways it looks like it already has… in that your desire has diminished)

On the otherhand, at 45 things are a lot different than they’d be if you were in this situation at 25, and so the advice I’ll give you will be a bit different

Sure you want to have a rocking good sex life as long as possible… but at our age things change drastically and continue to change the rest of our lives

Especially so in the bedroom… be that as women (going thru “the change”) or with our partners (statistically 40% of men over 40 have ED issues… and the older they get the higher the percentage)

So things are not expected to be for us Mature Brides, nearly as HOT as they were for us back in our 20s and 30s

Also, at our age it gets more and more difficult to find a great companion… someone we truly are in LOVE with and WANT to marry.  This is because the pickings are a lot slimmer (guys other women threw away for good reason… and the fact that men start to die off a lot younger than us gals)

So… there is a lot to be said in regards to ALL these elements when it comes to just having an amazing partner / companion to go thru life with… outside of the Bedroom !!

On the otherhand, as this could be a combo of stuff.  Sure some of it could be happening in your head (afterall your brain is your BIGGEST sex organ) or at 45 it could also be physical / medical.

I suggest that you talk this over with 3 professionals… people who can know you best and figure out what is what…

1- Your Dr…. see if they can’t determine where you and your hormones are at (an imbalance could certainly cause lack of desire, and difficulty to reach a Big O)

2- Your Therapist.  See what they suggest, and then work on those aspects (as someone else said, going back to square one and awakening “the spark” might be needed… Date Nights, ONLY foreplay etc)

3- Your SO.  He does need to know what is going on.  As much as you don’t want to hurt him, he can’t work on something if he isn’t aware there is a serious problem (if the engine light doesn’t come on in the car… when would he find out… when the car is broken down at the side of the road, and doesn’t want to go at all anymore?)

The two of you might have to go see a Registered Sex Therapist… these folks work wonders for couples, because they get ya to stop stumbling around “trying too hard” and thereby increasing the anxiety.  They know how to get folks to focus (or not focus) on the actual problem, so that things come back together naturally.

You say your Guy is amazing, I am sure he will be able to deal… and in the longrun you’ll both be better for it.

(( HUGS ))

 

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