what to do and what to get for a mother in law who hates me

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I dont mean to come across as rude… But no gift would be better than stooping to her level.

Addition: I am in a similar situation, and I know sometimes it is hard to remember thaThetis day is about you and your fiancé only.  It’s hard to not let them effect you, but best to take the higher road

Post # 5
Member
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I am wishing my Future Mother-In-Law won’t come to my bridal shower… Lol. I like nice people and she isn’t one.

 

My situation is very similar.  My Future Mother-In-Law won’t even buy balloons for our rehearsal dinner.  Not even a $10contribution. And yet she openly judges my wedding. 

Post # 7
Member
35 posts
Newbee

Get her a leather wallet. A nice gift where she would keep her money… that she did not use to help you guys out lol

And I don’t wanna come across as rude but.. marrying into somebody’s family and thinking all these bad things about the mom is not going to help you in anyway. I know MILs can be hard to deal with.. and mean… but take her as she is, and do it for your husband.  Return all her crazyness with love and understanding. Take it as part of the marriage challenge. You gonna be at her house a few times a year, and you don’t wanna celebrate Xmas with family with all these thoughts in your head. Just try to let go of things, for your own peace of mind.

Post # 8
Member
6745 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m going to be honest and you’re not going to like it.. so I’m sorry in advance, but I honestly think that you’re fueling the fire.  Realize that this drama is not fun and not necessary and while I’m sure she is partially to blame, I don’t doubt that you are, too.  This is what you’re going to have to live with until the day she dies.  There’s no getting rid of the mom.  So, instead of trying to paint her to be the bad guy, recognize your own faults.  Calling his mother a lunatic is just as bad as calling her a bitch.  Don’t say there was “nothing bad” in that letter.  I would flip my shit if my future son came home with some woman who had the nerve to disrespect me and call me a bitch and she would be so lucky if I didn’t stop that wedding from happening.  Just saying, I think you need to back off, keep quiet, and understand that she’s older and she’s the mom, so if she wants to go around dictating things, just because she’s not paying doesn’t mean her SON isn’t getting married.  That’s her family right there.  I can understand wanting to invite certain people – not saying she has the right to, but I understand why she would WANT to.  That being said, I think this is one of those things that maybe you should just get her a gift that you don’t sit here and think too hard about (ie: it doesn’t have to be a “thoughtful” gift), but don’t add more fuel to the fire; it seems like you’ve added enough.  Get her a gift certificate to a spa for a massage; maybe she just needs to relieve some tension.  Don’t forget that this is the son that she raised and that he is getting married and now apparently moved away – I’m sure that’s a big deal for her, too.  I understand you wanting your own life separately from her, but.. just tread carefully. 

Post # 10
Member
6745 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Allisonlynn:  I didn’t mean to imply to let her dictate by any means.  It’s your wedding, you’re paying for it, it should be your say in the end.  I’m just saying I can understand why she thinks she has a say.  I just understand parents wanting certain family members at their child’s wedding; it’s a celebration for them, too.

As for lunatic.. I’d much rather be a bitch than a lunatic.  My Fiance knows better than to call me crazy, psycho or lunatic in any fight.  I think it’s certainly insulting and moreso than calling someone a bitch.  Just my opinion though. 

I just think you should try to get her something without making it something that she would know you wanted to show her how much you hated her.  It’s just going to add to the drama. 

I’m sorry for your frustrations, but if you do something like that, it’s really going to make life hell.  I’m sure she has an even worse side just waiting to spring out. 

Post # 12
Member
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Like I said earlier, I am in very similar situation I what I am focusing on to try to get through it all is that I want to look in the mirror at the end of my wedding night and know that I celebrated my fiancé and i, just us, because that is what the night is about.  Although it is hard and I would love to have a great relationship with my future mother-in-law sometimes there is no hope for friendship, but i know I can look in the mirror at the end of day and know that I’ve been nothing but a nice giRl who wants so badly a greatrelationship with the woman who raised my fiancé.  It is sad that she had to draw the line so early in her and mines relationship.  

 

Just stay strong, and remember you are marrying an awesome man who loves you. That is the only important part of this, that you two are happy.

Post # 13
Member
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

And thank you by the way for posting this, it gave me a chance to look at my situation as an outsider and respond to it.  Definitely has helped me think my situation through more.

Post # 14
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 1993

Don’t stoop!  Stay strong but kill her with kindness.

Post # 15
Member
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Blanche:  Like!!

Post # 16
Member
1576 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

So I am assuming that your FI’s AUNT is a single woman living alone without a husband or significant other right? Because if FI’s aunt (his Mother’s sister right?) is part of a couple, that would be the one circumstance where it would be quite understandable to be upset about being told no to the RSVP2.

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