(Closed) What to do…. Brother’s g/f off birth control, unsure if he knows??

posted 10 years ago in Relationships
Post # 62
Member
1545 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I also agree with the PPs because someone the IUD can cause your body problems and you have to take it out. I wanted the IUD but it wasnt the best choice for me since my hormones are out of balance. Maybe it was throwing her hormones out of balance or she switch BC

Post # 63
Member
1637 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

If it were my brother I would tell him.

Post # 64
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@OP – I haven’t read the responses to your original post first because I didn’t want to be swayed.  The first mistake as I see it is that the dad of your brother’s 3 year-old son opened a medical bill! Isn’t that super confidential? The second mistake is that he shared it with your co-worker (presumably a friend of his) and maybe even because he knew she’d/he’d tell you eventually and that you’d bust his ex.  Very clever on the “dad’s” part.

Okay, those mistakes aside — I’m now going to tell you what I think You should do, which some may think is the biggest mistake of all:  tell your brother! Tell him now, immediately.  That you came by this information via a series of mistakes and mishaps and so forth is beside the point.  You now possess this information which could be a life-changer for your brother.  It may or may not be true.  But you should at least ‘arm’ your brother with it and have him take it from there.  What happens after that is none of your business; you’ve done what needs to be done.

Post # 65
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

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@JamaicaBride:

Sorry I didn’t mean to generalize. I felt the same way during my pregnancy. But what I meant was a surpirse baby, not pregnancy, does not tend to ruin peoples lives. It really only brings joy. I could be wrong though, seeing as how you felt differently.

Post # 66
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I would mention it in conversation as him if they are getting engaged soon or having kids and then throw it out there. Done and Done! It’s your brother look out for him and if he knows great he will be glad you are concerned IF you all are close.

Post # 67
Member
7768 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

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@Cash000:  Wow.  I don’ really know what to say to that.  Both parents deserve to make that decision together. 

It is BOTH of their choice, not just hers. 

I think you are off topic.  This isn’t a discusion about whether a baby is a regret- it is about communication and the right to know- especially since in this case, others already do- we know they know.  The brother has a right to know.

I think you might be projecting.

Family planning is extremely important.  But I respect that you have different view.  Again- the topic is more about the right to know than whether an unplanned pregnancy is a good or bad thing.

ETA:  I just saw your updated post.  Sorry if I came off as harsh or judgemental- I do respect your feelings and understand them.  I see you are just saying that you feel a baby is a blessing if it DOES happen.

Post # 68
Member
5669 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Please tell him!

I have a good friend this has happened to and his life as he knows it is over. He had a great job, was about to buy a house, and got into a relationship with a girl who already had a child with someone else and that guy was not in the picture (even for child support). My friend has now gone through his entire savings account supporting this girl and not only his child but someone else’se child. He is the example that all of us say we will tell our kids about how getting mixed up with the wrong girl can completely change your life.

Now I am not saying your brother girl friend is looking to trap him or is a bad girl, but your brother should be able to have a say in when he would like to have children. My brother and I have a very close relationship so I know that makes my decision a little easier.

Post # 69
Member
4369 posts
Honey bee

I would totally tell my brother. I would risk him getting mad at me for being nosy, rather than him not know and be put in a terrible situation. He would forgive me, anyway, because he would know it’s not because I’m nosy, it’s because I don’t want him to be stuck when he didn’t want to be.

Post # 70
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

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@cbee:

Ok I know this was way off topic. I really didn’t mean to. I’m just a bit of a subjective writer, and felt a comment should be addressed.

Anyways, I totally agree with you, that a planned pregnancy is the best policy. And if I could do it over again, I would have made sure I was a little smarter. I didn’t argue that point. I just said that a surprise baby does not equate a ruined life.

Post # 71
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

UPDATED/EDITED

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@bookworm88: I agree with the way you phrased it. I think that would be appropriate.

@laughingemotions My statement was just that. A general statement and not directed at you. However since you directed your comment at me, I would like to tell you that I also have a “baby brother”–A brother I am actually close to, which is why I give the advice I give to be veeeeeeery nice about the situation if you must say anything at all.

I have listened to PP’s continued insistence that this is your business but I still can’t say I agree. If the girl was a known trouble maker, if she had a drug problem, if your brother weren’t already talking about having kids with her and getting engaged I would totally agree with you.

HOWEVER, the fact is that you have reiterated once again : “He has told me before they want to have children relatively soon so they will be close in age to her son.”

This statement, coupled with the fact that he has obviously come into a good stable job (woohoo!) and even you say she is a nice girl, makes it quite obvious to me that this is not some sneaky ploy to grab at your brother’s future money but rather you have stumbled on their plan to begin TTC.

“Within a year” to me means sometime between now and next year. They have decided already to have a child. From what I know it takes some time for the residual effects of an IUD to fade, and so it makes perfect sense that she had it removed. Quite frankly I think you are making a huge mistake and are going to make enemies. I also think you came on here for validation in your decision…which is fine, but also consider that some people will disagree (it’s not just me).

The fact that your brother is two years younger and with the woman I assume he will marry (given that he is telling the family “Hello. We will be TTC Soon“) leads me to believe that she is not doing anything deceitful and you are as you said earlier just being “salty”. As such I think inserting yourself into her private business is not necessary. And as a woman I find it wrong that you feel like you have the right to demand to know that she is on birth control now that she removed her IUD (and it is a demand because you feel the right to question her and your brother about it). It is such an invasion of privacy for all the reason I listed above.

I understand he is a “baby brother” to you. But (as you have stated several times)they have already made the decision to have children together. If you continue to feel the need to push for answers and they are TTC you will be ruining what should be  a happy moment in their lives.

I’ve said my piece.. I look forward to an update when you speak to your brother and I almost hope that he doesn’t know so their joyful news isn’t ruined.

Post # 72
Member
7768 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

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@Cash000: 🙂 I understand.

Post # 73
Member
4369 posts
Honey bee

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@Ms. Polar Bear: I’m not sure how OP would be “demanding” to know anything about the Girlfriend. She came upon this information accidentally, it is pretty important information, should her brother not be desiring a child right now, and she can share it discreetly with her brother. It really depends what kind of relationship she has with her brother. Should she really take the chance, however minor, that her brother doesn’t know? If she is wrong, could she forgive herself for not telling him? Plus, her brother and the Girlfriend are not married yet. I realize that people have wonderful, committed relationships while not married (indeed, I was in one), but nonetheless, brother has no legal ties to this woman, yet.

It seems the benefits outweigh the risks here. If it were anyone in my family, I would do it in a heartbeat.

 

Post # 74
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

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@SoupyCat: I think everyone is missing the point. OP has stated several times that they have already told everybody they want to start a family within the next year (which in my mind means between now and next year). People seem to keep overlooking that.

If someone tells me, “We will begin TTC” that means they are TTC. GF is not being deceitful. And if they didn’t share that information with OP and she goes looking for it that is incredibly invasive–and I would call it demanding, but that is In My Humble Opinion. Maybe they don’t want to tell anyone until GF is definitely pregnant. That is their business. It’s not like he is fourteen years old. He is 22 and has been offered a very stable job.

 

Post # 75
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

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@SoupyCat: One more point to make. If the OP herself admits that her brother has told the family that they had decided to TTC in the next year then you can’t make the argument that he doesn’t want a child with her. Brother annoucing TTC within the next year = Wanting a child.

I think that basing this thought process on the fact that they aren’t married is complete hokum. That isn’t for us to decide. If he wants a baby out of wedlock that is HIS business. Just like TTC is THEIR business. Her decision to get off an IUD is HER business.

Post # 76
Member
1313 posts
Bumble bee

Both options have pros and cons, I’d just put yourself in his shoes. What would YOU want him to do?

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