(Closed) What to do? Courthouse or wait?

posted 6 years ago in Military
Post # 3
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

You’re not crazy at all and soooo many military couples do exactly what you are considering. 

Also consider that if you’re married when he’s reassigned, you could get a house on post, which is very difficult to do if your Fiance has already been stationed there a while (waiting lists are odd beasts). Plus your moving costs would be covered and you’d have  healthcare and more legal rights.


Post # 4
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m sorry you’re in this predicament, and really- you have to do what is best for you and your Fiance.  Bear in mind that when you get married that is your wedding.  If you are set on having friends & family and the “traditional” wedding celebration, then I suggest you plan a small, intimate event for before he leaves.

If it is absolutely impossible to plan a wedding that you will both be happy with in the timeframe you have, do a courthouse wedding.  There is nothing wrong with getting married by a JOP.  You are still legally married.  A lot of people post on here about getting secretly married in private then getting “real” married later.  Inevitably, the secret comes out and families get their feelings hurt.  If you need to be married asap and you decide to go with a JOP ceremony, what you will have later is a vow renewal.  If you are honest with people about it then they should see your situation and be understanding about it.

Best of luck, and tell your Fiance this Bee thanks him for his service 🙂

Post # 5
907 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I don’t think you are crazy. I waited and had a LDR with my Fiance while he was in the army for 5 years but he was always on the same coast as me so it wasn’t horrible. It does cause some unwelcomed tension and bickering being away from each other thou. The reason we waited was bc it meant alot to both of us to have our family n friends there while we exchanged vows. And we knew it was gonna be an adjustment living together so we didn’t want double the tension with being newly wed as well. He left the army in the summer. And he suprised me with a proposal at the end of the summer. I think if it is possible he will be very far away that it makes sense. We always saw each other 2 weekends a month. Also if he is staying in there will nvr be a “perfect” time so I say go for it if u guys r ready.

Post # 6
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Aliz: NOT AT ALL! I think your reasoning is pretty fair. You can have your wedding whenever you want as long as it’s ok with you and your Fiance, specially in this situation.

Post # 7
17 posts
  • Wedding: June 2012

I had a courthouse wedding, of just my “fiance” and i. He’s in the military (and gets new orders in october as well). We couldn’t afford living together with out BAH. But right now we’re “engaged” and having our big wedding right after our 1 year of marriage. Im wicked excited. And a lot of military families do it. 

Post # 8
630 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

If it feels okay for you to do a courthouse wedding, do it!

Post # 9
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

if you are okay with the court house wedding i say do it for sure, it is ultimately up to what is best for you and your family, So many military couples are married before there wedding just out of convenience, not knowing deployment dates, BAH, ect. If it feels right to you and your Fiance and your family understands i think the rest of the world will understand too.

Post # 10
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Aliz: I vote courthouse! 

Post # 11
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@Aliz: I don’t think you are crazy hahaa! My fiance and I are doing the same thing. We are having a civil ceremony before he deploys and then doing the larger celebration later. This also ensures us we wont be stuck with any debt from the wedding or old debt when he returns. I think its a great idea and fiscally smart!

Post # 12
1523 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We’re having a courthouse ceremony in May when I move to join him, and then a big church wedding in 2013. This is very common in the military, and the only way the government will recognize you as a part of his life!

Post # 13
5183 posts
Bee Keeper

@Aliz: not crazy at all dear. Many military couples do this.. I did 🙂 We got married a while ago and are having our wedding in july 🙂

Post # 15
8 posts
  • Wedding: April 2012

As someone who took the Courthouse route for exactly the same reasons, make sure you DON’T put wedding plans on the back burner!  Life tends to get in the way, and there will always be a reason to put it off:  baby #1 (surprise!), a deployment, a new car, going back to school, a promotion & new posting.  I don’t want to scare you, but sometimes life’s too short and love is too precious not to celebrate it when we find it. 

Post # 16
26 posts
  • Wedding: June 2013

We had sort of the same situation.  I flew to AL where he was at for AIT and we paid $50 to get married at the courthouse and planned to do a wedding later on.  Unfortunately for us, finances were so tight that we never got the big wedding.  So we are renewing our vows next summer and having the ceremony we wanted a while ago.  We will be married 5 years this summer.  Good luck!  I hope everything works out great for you both and congratulations!

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