(Closed) What to do? Elope? small wedding? idk!?

posted 6 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 2
Member
848 posts
Busy bee

We were totally on the fence like you, same boat as you. We decided to elope- Cabo in March. We just decided to do what was best for us, and stop trying to make everyone happy- because you never will. We are planning a dinner when we get back. Do what makes you happy! I will tell you since deciding to elope we are just thrilled and so happy with our decision- I’m actually excited to plan it now!

 

Post # 3
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Hawksnest Cove Beach St John USVI

We are doing our destination wedding and staying at an all inclusive resort and our guests are staying at a different resort. So we get our privacy and our guests still get a vacation. We are going to have 12 guests and we are using a wedding planner that isn’t part of our resort. And the best part since we are paying for the wedding ourselves our total cost (including dress, invitations, etc.) is around 7 thousand dollars!  That doesn’t include our honeymoon but still not bad for a total wedding cost. 

Post # 4
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2015

We are getting married with only our parents in attendance on the coast. A couple of my siblings are very upset but the rest of my family understands completely. It will cost us about 5k including paying for our parents hotel rooms, dinner, etc. 

Post # 5
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2016

On another board, I saw the same question and someone had a great response – if you’re miserable (ok, maybe a bit dramatic a word, but still) trying to shuffle everyone there, coordinating everything and making everyone else happy, you’re not focusing on making yourself happy. If you and your fiance want a quiet, intimate ceremony with just you two and an officiant, then that’s what you’ve already decided on and your heart wants. It’s your moment, not theirs – harsh as it may sound.

Now, I’m not an elopement bride – I’m just echoing what I’ve read before. But I will give you my advice if I were in your shoes: elope and don’t announce it beforehand. That way your parents/sister/uncle three times removed isn’t badgering you, and you can focus on what’s important: you two being happy. When you get back, spread the happy news. You may have to deal with hurt feelings and drama, but it’s a lot better (I think!) than being unhappy leading up to -your- wedding. This way, nobody can protest at least. You’re married already!

I really hope this works out for you guys. Hugs!

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by  elienne.
  • This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by  elienne.
Post # 6
Member
619 posts
Busy bee

Congrats! we were in a similar situation as you. For us, Mother-In-Law wasn’t able to travel and our guest list was outrageous. We decided to do a small civil ceremony (30 people, all family) and a beautiful dinner. We later had a large outdoor summer party to celebrate with everyone else that wanted to celebrate with us. It was perfect for us and we were able to keep the budget manageable. 

Best of luck!

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by  Brook10.
Post # 9
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2016

WOW I could have written your post, same situation here! I think in situations like this there is always a middle ground. We wanted a hawaii wedding as well, but like you, decided it would be inconvienent to family. SO we found an alternatively beautiful outdoor location in a natural park. Its cheap, intimate and close enough that it’s not unreasonable for guests. We plan on going to hawaii for the honeymoon.

However, if you feel like you would regret compromising, you can always invite close family or just elope. But there are pros and cons to this as well. The situation might be different for you, especially if it is a second marriage. 

I recommend doing a lot of research and maybe doing a pro and con list. If you do decide to go to hawaii, make sure to give your family at least a year notice. That way they can plan for vacation days and save.  I wish you the best, goodluck!!!

Post # 10
Member
688 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
charliesangel09:  Why can’t you just have a small wedding in town and then go to Hawaii for honeymoon?

Post # 12
Member
688 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
charliesangel09:  I see. Well yeah if Hawaii is your dream, I say go with that and invite your family with a lot of time so they can plan and save. Good luck!

Post # 13
Member
294 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

View original reply
charliesangel09:  Would you consider a tropical destination other than Hawaii, say in the Caribbean? I know it might be different since you’re in Oregon, but from what I understand, traveling to and doing things in Hawaii tends to be pricier than in the Caribbean.

What we did: Cruise + Private wedding vendor = wedding in Cozumel, Mexico. 35 guests. Ceremony + Reception in a gorgeous garden venue carved out of the jungle next to the beach. (You can set up on the beach if you would prefer) We had a super time, had a full out wedding (meal, open bar, flowers, cake, mexican trio band, dancing, limo, etc.) all for <5k. 

The private wedding vendor (Cozumel wedding planners) took care of everything! And the planning was so easy – they basically have a checklist on their website where you can go through and check everything you want out of their varied options and get a precise quote. No shopping around for a florist and a caterer and a baker and a linens vendor.. it was glorious.

We had a blast on the cruise with everyone too – those memories meant the world to us. It was really priceless to be able to spend that kind of quality time with our closest family/friends. One the boat, you’re cut off from cell service, so we just got to enjoy that time instead of worrying about last minute wedding stuff!

An all inclusive or renting a house would be amazing too! DW’s are great for doing exactly what you talked about – keeping it to the nearest and dearest without hurting anyone’s feelings.

Post # 14
Member
294 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Oh and also – the total costs for our guests was closer to $500/pp total I think. If they wanted to upgrade to a balcony room or something of course it was more, but the interior room on the cruise ship was only $200/pp for a 4 night cruise. So then it was just airfare, which was only about $250-$350 round trip at the time for most! It was really cost effective for my guests, especially since everything was included. But yes, they did pay their own way. We tried to help with our bridal party if they would accept it, and paid for all the bridal party clothes, etc.

Post # 15
Member
2425 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I only been engaged since July so been planning for only 6 months now and boy do I wished I could just cancelled the whole wedding and elope. So if I were you and you don’t have things booked yet I say buy a plane ticket to hawaii with your fiance and just get married there just do it. IF your family get mad who cares. What matters is what makes you happy. When you get back just have a small get together with your family. 

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