Post # 31
I have no idea why this is even a question. You’re hosting an event at a restaurant. If the restaurant can make lasagna with meat, they certainly have all of the ingredients to make a veggie lasagna.
Also, while it is not ideal that guests sometimes do not RSVP by the deadline given on the card, it is your responsibility as a hostess to follow up with guests to see if they are coming.
I am not sure how you could plan an event for so many people without taking into account dietary restrictions. It is basic good manners to serve a suitable meal to your guests.
Please do not even think of asking a guest to pay for their own meal. You wouldn’t invite 5 meat-eating friends and 1 vegetarian friend to your home and after the meal, tell your vegetarian friend they needed to reimburse you for the groceries, would you? Hosting a wedding reception is no different than the hospitality you would offer in your home. It would be exceptionally rude (and remembered by other guests) if you were to ask a guest to pay for their own meal at your reception.
Post # 32
You really should have asked for dietary restrictions on the RSVP and being bitchy about how she gave you the information unsolicited is pretty tacky. It’s pretty rude to not accommodate dietary restrictions, and making her pay for her own food at your wedding is not the way to go.
Post # 33
For the record, I didn’t ask about dietary restrictions on my RSVP card. We are doing a chicken, pasta, salad, and sides. I am aware of vegetarian friends so I planned accordingly. My Fiance has a shellfish allergy, so we arent serving any fish products (unless you count Ceasar dessing).
I agree with the others, except I won’t bash you like they are. Call your venue, explain you have one vegeatrian diner and ask if they can serve her a simple pasta dish. It shouldn’t be a big deal at all.
Post # 34
Vegetarian is pretty standard these days. You are obligated to pay.
I thought it was pretty common practice to have a veggie option. We are doing station style and I purposefully tried to make enough of my menu veggie friendly (half my apps in cocktail hour and several stations can be made veggie) since I know it is the preference of many.
Post # 35
Very well said. I 100% agree with you.
Post # 36
It would be very rude to tell her that she has to pay for her own dish. She is taking the time to celebrate your marriage and probably bringing a wedding gift too. Just tell the restaurant about your guest’s preferences and ask if they could make something besides the lasagna. You or your parents should cover the costs. I’m also surprised that you’re not offering any choices for dinner, usually you’re given at least 2 entree choices at a wedding. And the ceviche appetizer isn’t very universal, I’m willing to bet there you’re going to have guests who will refuse to eat it.
Post # 37
How rude of you. And for the record, I’m not a vegetarian but I couldn’t eat most of your menu. I don’t think it’s out of line to expect that when you go to a wedding that is serving a meal, you’ll be able to eat said meal- I can’t believe you would actually make her buy her own dinner.
Post # 38
Call the venue, tell them you have a vegetarian you werent aware of, and I am 110% sure they will be able to accomodate you.
“Not fair to other guests”??? Um – WHAT? If someone had a gluten or dairy allergy – would you insist they eat the lasagna? This makes no sense.
Post # 39
Call your venue and ask. A vegetarian dish is a VERY common request and certainly not “unfair” to the rest of your guests. It’s extremely tacky to expect her to pay for her own meal.
And at least she told you in advance. I had my Mother-In-Law freaking out the day before our wedding because some relative of hers could only eat foods with the consistency of baby food…
Did you tell people what the menu was? Pregnant guests probably won’t eat the ceviche.
Post # 40
- Wedding: March 2015 - On a Cliff Overlooking the Bay, Florida
petitsummerbride: I’m actually surprised you haven’t had many other guest food accommodation requests. We had 5 Gluten Free, 2 vegan and 5 vegetarian dinners all made with no additional cost to me(they actually gave me a discount on the dinners because of the food items they were swapping out). The caterer just swapped out what was needed to accommodate the guest and they got almost the same dinner as everyone else.
If I were your guest I would not be able to eat your dinner at all as I do not react well to Pasta and I have a severe seafood allergy. I find it strange your venue/restaurant is only giving 1 dinner option I have hosted many dinners/ meeting at restaurants for work and you typically have 2 or more choices for an entrée There is always Beef and Chicken option because Some people do not eat beef or pork for religious beliefs.
Asking your guest to pick something else off the menu but Oh wait you need to pay for it is downright rude. It doesn’t matter how long it’s been since you have seen them or what their relationship to you is, if a guest needs a special accommodation for their meal you be the gracious host you are and you get them a dinner they can eat.
Post # 41
This is probably one of the rudest things I’ve ever read on Weddingbee. First of all, serving ALL your guests the exact same entree? Umm, ok.. Second of all, getting pissy because one guest can’t have meat? You’re being extremely unreasonable and I would actually not even want to attend your wedding if I was that guest, seeing as how you’re treating her.
You’re the host, you need to accomodate your guests dietary needs and not act like she should just suck it up and eat the ONE thing that’s available.
Also, even mentioning that she would need to pay for her own dish? That’s disgusting of you.
Post # 42
- Wedding: June 2015 - Restaurant
Ok. First of all, thank you for your comments and replies. I know my POV might seem rude -and maybe it is, I am not good with ettiquete because I am a very laid back person in these manners- but in my opinion if you’re invited to a wedding you’re invited to witness the union of a couple in love, and the “free eating” is just an extra. I was a vegetarian for some time a few years ago (mostly for healthy issues) and I found out that where I live people are not used to vegetarians (restaurants are just now starting to add “meat-free” dishes to their menus, before you would only have salad as an option). I never complained or got offended when friends/relatives would invite to eat steak and I had to bring my own vegetables.
Second, I live in a city of Mexico where RSVP’s are not really common. Fiance and I actually had a very hard time convincinv people to confirm they attendance, as it is a tradition here that wedding are “open to everyone”. We had to ask for confirmation to ensure people not to bring +1’s (some people never confirmed, but since they are close familie -grandmother, uncle, etc.- they were “unofficially” confirmed). What is most, people here -and I don’t know if the same happens in other places of Mexico- usually eat EVERYTHING they are offered for free :/ Like, I’ve been told about wedding where they serve pozole or menudo. I personally HATE menudo, and wouldn’t eat it. But I wouldn’t feel offended if there wasn’t any other food (I’ve been to posadas -christmas parties- where there is only menudo and I had to just eat totoposo (plain fried). I ate a hamburger afterwards (on my way home) and still got a great time.
If it helps, here where I live the common wedding dish is actually chicken w/beef w/mashed potatoes w/salad. It is a very economic dish and they serve it in every event (from weddings to graduations, to baby showers)
Third, I strongly agree with you that is my duty as a hostess to be nice to her and offer her something she can eat. We are currently paying around 40 dlls per dish per guest -not including beverages- and we got that price because we were buying in larger quantities. I still have to talk with my venue for possibilities. The thing I fear is that my close family find out I change the option for her food and they start complaining with my mother for their food (they can be very mean to my mom and make her feel guilty, they actually made her feel so guilty about having a half cash bar that she added more entrees just to keep them happy). Nevertheless, I think i might just ask our venue and see what solution they can offer us.
So, thank you all 🙂 it really helped to see the “other side of the coin”. I can be a very cold person with it comes to this matters, as I truly believe people shouldn’t be so picky about events. I believe when someone is a guest you are invited to join the emotions not the catering. So…anyway…any Latin brides that might give me your opinion?
Post # 43
- Wedding: June 2015 - Restaurant
She told me by Facebook. As I said, RSVPs cards are just not a thing here :/ Most of our guests where aware of our wedding months ago and “confirmed” by saying: “Oh! I want to go!”. I had to call a lot of them and/or add them to FB to ask if they were confirming or not.
Post # 44
- Wedding: June 2015 - Restaurant
I never told anyone the menu as it is not a custom in my city. Or at least, I’ve never heard of this or been participate in something like that. The last wedding I attended -actually, from her sister- only offered one dish: chicken w/mashed potatoes and salad w/a thousand islands dressing. I don’t like chicken and just didn’t eat it. Nobody seemed offended, and I didn’t see anyone else with a different dish. Not even the bride or sister (both my guests). Some people have asked me about my menu and I did tell them it was lasaga with ceviche. Nobody complained.
Post # 45
- Wedding: June 2015 - Restaurant
I don’t think you can compare a wedding with an informal dinner :/ If I had a friend who was vegetarian, which I did in some point, I would tell here I am preparing X dish and ask here if she would like to bring something of here own or if I could offer her something from my kitchen. I am that kind of person. I also wouldn’t be offended if I was the one invited somewhere and was asked to bring my own dish or pay for my own meal (I’ve been in such situations and never felt offended). I get where you’re coming from but I do believe it is a very different situation.