Post # 1
i originally didnt want any bridesmaid and matt didnt care about groomsmen..
the more i think about it, the more I want one. Just one. Matts groomsman would be his best friend since highschool.
Heres the problem. I would want my best friend since I was 12.
If I ask her, I hurt my sisters feelings.
If I ask my sister then my cousin gets her feelings hurt.
That ends up with three bridesmaids.
I dont even think my best friend could be my bridesmaid, due to money things.
I’d ask Matts Youngest sister whose my age, but then I’d be scared to hurt matts other sisters feelings. (I’m closer with his sister whose my age, best friends.)
Ultimately my Best friend lives 14 hours hours away, while my sister and cousin are 5 minutes away. Matts sisters are 4 hours away.
Im just torn, I ONLY want one bridesmaid but I cant ask just one without hurting feelings and it just snowballs from there.
What would you bees do?
Post # 3
@hummingbirdkrista: Do whatever makes you happiest – haha easier said than done. I originally had 5 bridesmaids – but ended up with 4 cuz his sister (who I felt like I had to ask) ended up dropping out 2 weeks before th wedding. So I guess my point is – I fell into the snowball and the damn girl opted out 🙂
Post # 4
@hummingbirdkrista: I think ask your BFF, and explain to your sister and your cousin that you only want one, but they are still very important to you. The key is to tell them in person so they don’t hear it from someone else.
And if you only have one, she can just pick her own dress that is affordable!
Post # 5
@hummingbirdkrista: Honestly, I would just wait until after the holidays. Asking wedding party members too soon can lead to a lot of unnecessary drama.
You also do NOT have to have even sides, so if he wants to ask 5 people, you don’t have to come up with 5 people to fill it out. Ask people to stand up with you because you want them to stand up beside you; they are not props to make your wedding photos look pretty.
That said, if you really really only want your BFF to stand up with you, then only ask your BFF. You can always have your sister and/or cousin with you as you get ready, you will still get photos with them, and they will still be able to share in your joy on your wedding day.
Post # 6
You could always pick one to be the bridesmaid but incorporate the others in some way–whether it be having them do toasts to handing out bubbles(or whatever your having), etc. So that way everyone has a part.
Post # 7
If you decide to do a bridesmaid I would say ask your BFF, explain to your sister the situation and leave it at that. If you start inviting people bc you feel bad you will end up with a whole lot more drama and BM’s than you want. Of course its easier said than done…and I do understand the want to not hurt anyone’s feelings, but its your wedding and I think you should do what you want most.
Post # 8
I’d ask your BFF and leave it at that. You can explain to the others about money being an issue – they will understand.
Distance isn a huge issue either. I live in New Zealand and my Maid/Matron of Honor lives in Australia. Just Skype 🙂
I have girlfriends flying in from the USA and I’d love to have them in the bridal party but like you, we are just having 1 each, so they are doing readings at the service. Everyone is happy.
Post # 9
@hummingbirdkrista: The easiest way to avoid feelings being hurt (and to avoid 3 having 3bms!) is to ask your sister IMO. Nobody can question your reasoning for choosing her and if your cousin is upset just explain that you only want one. That’s what I decided to do. I wanted to avoid any feelings being hurt so it was the easiest way to do that.
Post # 10
@hummingbirdkrista: You know who you should choose? Choose the person who would understand if she *wasn’t* chosen. THAT’S the person you want beside you.
Is that person’s name coming to you right away now? Yep, that’s what I thought. 🙂
Anyone who is upset at not getting chosen is too concerned with themselves to understand that the focus should instead be on you and your happiness — it isn’t about them.
So, from what you write, it sounds like your best friend of since you were 12 is your pick. So what if she lives far away and so what if she doesn’t necessarily have the money. Give her time to think it over, and perhaps offer a way to help by finding a reasonably priced but awesomely fabulous dress, or buying it for her, and helping her find a place to stay to keep cost down.
If your friend declines, perhaps she can do a reading, and you can then ask your sister. Or vice versa.
Post # 11
@hummingbirdkrista: I never NAMED a Maid/Matron of Honor but my best friend knows that she is it 🙂
It avoided drama while also allowing my best friend to get the attention she deserves
Post # 12
@hummingbirdkrista: I can understand your sister’s feelings being hurt, but why should your cousin feel entitled to be a BM?
I would consider two: best friend and sister. In fact that’s what I did. I was unsure about my sister because she’s 5 years younger than me, but I’m glad I did.
Post # 13
If you’re worried about hurting feelings I would have one (your sister) or two (your sister and your Boyfriend or Best Friend.) I don’t understand how your cousin could be upset.
Post # 15
I should clarify about my cousin, she was a jr. bridesmaid at my sisters wedding 6 years ago, shes 16 now(17 at my wedding). Its not so much i think feelings would get hurt? but my aunt and cousin may get mad as its EXPECTED. MY family is VERY close.
I’m going to keep sitting on this. Im thinking right now about asking my sister and BFF.
Post # 16
@hummingbirdkrista: yea, I really wouldn’t leave your sister out. I can see her being hurt if you did – since you say youre close with family especially.