(Closed) What to do? I think I want a bridesmaid.

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@hummingbirdkrista:  Do whatever makes you happiest – haha easier said than done.  I originally had 5 bridesmaids – but ended up with 4 cuz his sister (who I felt like I had to ask) ended up dropping out 2 weeks before th wedding.  So I guess my point is – I fell into the snowball and the damn girl opted out ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 4
404 posts
Helper bee

@hummingbirdkrista:  I think ask your BFF, and explain to your sister and your cousin that you only want one, but they are still very important to you.  The key is to tell them in person so they don’t hear it from someone else. 

And if you only have one, she can just pick her own dress that is affordable! 

Post # 5
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@hummingbirdkrista:  Honestly, I would just wait until after the holidays.  Asking wedding party members too soon can lead to a lot of unnecessary drama.

You also do NOT have to have even sides, so if he wants to ask 5 people, you don’t have to come up with 5 people to fill it out.  Ask people to stand up with you because you want them to stand up beside you; they are not props to make your wedding photos look pretty.

That said, if you really really only want your BFF to stand up with you, then only ask your BFF.  You can always have your sister and/or cousin with you as you get ready, you will still get photos with them, and they will still be able to share in your joy on your wedding day.

Post # 6
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

You could always pick one to be the bridesmaid but incorporate the others in some way–whether it be having them do toasts to handing out bubbles(or whatever your having), etc. So that way everyone has a part.

Post # 7
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

If you decide to do a bridesmaid I would say ask your BFF, explain to your sister the situation and leave it at that.  If you start inviting people bc you feel bad you will end up with a whole lot more drama and BM’s than you want.  Of course its easier said than done…and I do understand the want to not hurt anyone’s feelings, but its your wedding and I think you should do what you want most.

Post # 8
36 posts
  • Wedding: January 2014

I’d ask your BFF and leave it at that. You can explain to the others about money being an issue – they will understand. 

Distance isn a huge issue either. I live in New Zealand and my Maid/Matron of Honor lives in Australia. Just Skype ๐Ÿ™‚ 

I have girlfriends flying in from the USA and I’d love to have them in the bridal party but like you, we are just having 1 each, so they are doing readings at the service. Everyone is happy.



Post # 9
2655 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@hummingbirdkrista:  The easiest way to avoid feelings being hurt (and to avoid 3 having 3bms!) is to ask your sister IMO. Nobody can question your reasoning for choosing her and if your cousin is upset just explain that you only want one. That’s what I decided to do. I wanted to avoid any feelings being hurt so it was the easiest way to do that.

Post # 10
2052 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@hummingbirdkrista:  You know who you should choose? Choose the person who would understand if she *wasn’t* chosen. THAT’S the person you want beside you.

Is that person’s name coming to you right away now? Yep, that’s what I thought. ๐Ÿ™‚

Anyone who is upset at not getting chosen is too concerned with themselves to understand that the focus should instead be on you and your happiness — it isn’t about them.

So, from what you write, it sounds like your best friend of since you were 12 is your pick. So what if she lives far away and so what if she doesn’t necessarily have the money. Give her time to think it over, and perhaps offer a way to help by finding a reasonably priced but awesomely fabulous dress, or buying it for her, and helping her find a place to stay to keep cost down.

If your friend declines, perhaps she can do a reading, and you can then ask your sister. Or vice versa.



Post # 11
3671 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@hummingbirdkrista:  I never NAMED a Maid/Matron of Honor but my best friend knows that she is it ๐Ÿ™‚

It avoided drama while also allowing my best friend to get the attention she deserves 

Post # 12
7673 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@hummingbirdkrista:  I can understand your sister’s feelings being hurt, but why should your cousin feel entitled to be a BM?

I would consider two: best friend and sister. In fact that’s what I did. I was unsure about my sister because she’s 5 years younger than me, but I’m glad I did.

Post # 13
7560 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

If you’re worried about hurting feelings I would have one (your sister) or two (your sister and your Boyfriend or Best Friend.) I don’t understand how your cousin could be upset. 

Post # 16
3082 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@hummingbirdkrista:  yea, I really wouldn’t leave your sister out. I can see her being hurt if you did – since you say youre close with family especially. 

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