(Closed) What to do? I want my BM to be there!

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
2647 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

She really didn’t have any time to save for it since it’s only 4months planning. I can see that she would have no disposable cash for it. I would offer to contribute in some way (whatever you can afford) if you really want her there. Sounds like she does want to be there for you.

Post # 5
20 posts
  • Wedding: August 2013

In my opinion, it would be worth the money. If she is the friend you say she is, then I would rather have her than $400, (but  I am not exactly as poor as i think I am). If your Fiance and parents think that this is a problem, take it away from what is important to YOU in the wedding. Buy ebay flowers, or DIY your centrepieces/veil.

After all it’s YOUR (your and FI’s) wedding. Yes, he should have a say (and don’t disregard his feelings on the matter (not that you are!)), but so should you.

Post # 6
6 posts
  • Wedding: May 2013

Ok, here’s my tale of woe.  I am 33 and for the last 15 years, I have RSVP’d “no” to wedding invitations (and bridal party too) b/c I honestly could not afford to participate. I help support my disabled parents (none of my friends ever knew this) so every dime in my life was accounted for before I even earned it.  It severely damaged my friendships with 3-4 girls who saw it as insulting that I didn’t “make the effort” to show up for them… but it wasn’t about that at all.  I wish I could turn back the clock, be honest with them like your Bridesmaid or Best Man has been with you, and explain that it’s finances keeping me from being there… not love.

My past experiences urge me to ask you to please trust your gut here.  There can be lasting consequences of missing an event like this, intentional or otherwise.  I have offered to pay for my fave 2 girls to be there (as well as several family members) because the truth is that times are really hard out there for a lot of people.   Granted, if they bought a house, they must have some financial stability… but even so, $400 is a lot of money that just might not be able to come out of their budget right now.  I’m sorry your fiance isn’t on board….but it sounds like he’s looking out for your best interest.  I hope you can find a way to support her without draggin’ yourself down too.  Good luck, stay strong, and I hope she makes it out for you.

Post # 7
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Does she have the money for a bridesmaid dress, shoes, hair/makeup, other things she’d need as a bridesmaid? Can she share a hotel room with someone else, to help save costs? 

I’m going against PPs- I don’t think the bride & groom should pay for travel costs for any of their guests, unless it’s a parent who truly can’t afford it. There are things your friend could do to make extra money to attend your wedding- I don’t think that should fall on you. 

Post # 8
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think first of all you need to keep your opinions to yourself about if he has to go or not. If she bought a house with this guy clearly this is an important relationship. Who attends the wedding, if they can afford it, is something they have to decide together as a couple.

Clearly you love her as friend and hopefully she will do everything she can do to be there. I understand you and there are some friend and family whom I would gladly scale back or cut things out of my budget for. If she just bought a house I can tell you it’s expensive and things do get tight for a while after that.

Is there a reason why you guys only have four months? I do think when picking such a short date you have factor in the guest and family member particularly if you have a lot of oot and in that short time frame, and shortly after the holidays if the date on your profile is correct. While I don’t think you should change your date for other people, you really have to weigh if it’s going to work for family and friends(beside this one).

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