(Closed) What to do in this situation?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m not sure. Maybe just leave it be for a week or two and then check in with the family and see if they need anything. I’m sure they’re all just trying to figure out what to do next, court proceedings (I’m assuming there are at this point), hospitals, etc right now. I tend to be a bit hands off at first because I find so many people rush in, and then two weeks later the family is all alone. So maybe next week drop by with a dinner for them to pop in the oven (or freezer so they can have it later) and just let them know you’re around if they need you.

Post # 5
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Treasure43: I think it depends on how close you are as a family member; I think a flower gesture would be nice but perhaps a phone call to the family to let them know they are in your thoughts. Im so sorry this is happening in his life and in your family. I think its important to let them know that you are there for them. I truly hope that your cousin gets the help he needs and that things get better

ETA: read a little to fast before 🙂

Post # 6
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Of those options, I think I’d go with the card.  His family must be going through all sorts of crazy emotions right now and if they aren’t able to deal with any sort of gifts, a card can at least be ignored until they are in a better place emotionally.  Somehow I feel like a tangible reminder of what happened would be too painful.

I like bakerella’s idea of a dinner next week, too.

Post # 7
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

I’m so sorry to hear about this situation.  Thank goodness that the other boys intervened and saved her.  I certainly hope that the girl heals quickly and your relative gets the help that he needs asap! 

I, personally think that a card would be a nice gesture to let them know that they are in your thoughts.  Also, meal support or gift cards to the grocery store, pizza chains, etc. would be appreciated too.

Blessings to all of them and to you for being so caring!

Post # 8
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would do a “thinking of you” card, not a sympathy card.

But really, i think the best thing you could do would be to call and listen. It really depends on how close you are, though.

Post # 9
2742 posts
Sugar bee

Oh my. I’m glad the girl survived. Let’s not get into the mental health issues of our population. For your family, depending on how close you are to them, a call or a card is your best option. Just to let them know you have them in mind.

Post # 10
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Definitely not a sympathy card or flowers. Both of those are kind of strange. It’s not a joyous occasion, and it’s not a death – even though it’s sad. It’s the start of a long, hard road.

I agree with sending a think-of-you card, maybe even one that’s just beautiful but blank so that’s it’s not a prepackaged emotion. They don’t really make cards for this. You might want to say that you are behind them no matter what, and that you are always there for a shoulder to lean on.

I’m not sure how you feel, but it might be a gesture to say “We are behind you and [name of son].” I know they won’t interpret that to mean you’re happy he had a psychotic break and became homicidal; who would? I think that it means to them that you haven’t forgotten about their son. Often people whose children do “the bad thing” in any situation can feel completely isolated, like they’re wrong for loving their child, still. Naming him and acknowledging that you’re hoping for his healing, too, is a really graceful gesture. Understandably, though, it may be one that just feels like too much to you. Just throwing it out there…


Post # 12
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Treasure43: What about having dinner delivered to them one night? Even if it’s just pizza or whatever, just saying sort of “sorry we can’t be there, but let us take care of you for a night”. They might like the break.

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