(Closed) What to do?! Is divorce in my future? ;-(

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I am sorry this is happening to you! 

How long have you been together and when was the last time you felt like you loved him?

Post # 4
Member
6212 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

Just wondering, how long were you together before you got married?

Post # 6
Member
2555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I don’t think marriage forces you to stay in a loveless relationship. if you don’t love him, you need to move on. it doesn’t have to be right now, you can do it at your own pace, but it will happen, and it will be good

Post # 7
Member
2840 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I am a firm believer that love is part emotion and part choice.  Right now neither of you is choosing to love the other.  I do think that marriage counseling is a good place to start.  Is he open to it?

Post # 9
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@loveorleave:  Do you want to TRY to save the marriage, or are you totally over it? If so, you guys need to get to counseling stat.

Post # 10
Member
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Brazil Room

Yikes. Sounds somewhat how my first marriage went. All the problems we had before got worse and immediately he decided that he no longer wanted to have children with me. We did marriage counseling too… but keep in mind, it may take a few counselors before you find the right one. Unfortunately, we found a good one right when he had already checked out and decided to divorce me. I kept the therapist as my personal therapist after that and have done well. My marriage started to fall apart about 3 months in and he filed for divorce around 1 1/2 years in.

Post # 13
Member
1785 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Always go with your gut instinct, it will never steer you wrong. At least this is what my mother has taught me. If you feel something is wrong, it probably is. If you do not love him anymore, then you are in a love-less marriage, you do not need to feel stuck. I suggest individual counseling first to determine what is best for you. If the counselor suggests couples counseling then I would try it, but if after 5 more months if you still feel miserable I suggest you look into your options for divorce. Sorry hun, this has got to be very hard for you. You will learn a great deal no matter what happens. Don’t let others determine your happiness, only you truly know how you feel. Wishing you the best.

Post # 14
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@loveorleave:  “I would not say that my husband is abusive, but he does put me down and make me feel like I’m stupid.” Well, if you won’t say it, I will. He is abusive. Verbally, and if he grabbed your arm out of anger that is with INTENT to harm physically, even if he “never really hurt” you…YET. He, as the man you love and as your husband, should be a gentleman, and NEVER swear at you in public even IF you deserve it, which I doubt would ever be truly warranted. He should be able to hold it together until you can discuss it calmly and privately, rarely if ever raising his voice.

My first husband became increasingly abusive during our first year and a half of marriage starting with a couple months prior to our wedding. But, after our divorce, it didn’t take long for me to realize he had been abusive much longer than that, only I didn’t know to recognize it — I just wrote it off as “quirks.” Now I know better. He was a controlling, manipulative, sad, sad person, who needed and probably still needs a ton of help but I wasn’t going to stick around being his punching bag while he wasted time pretending to figure himself out. I know what it is like to not want a baby with a man like that.

Get help. Fast. Good that you are calling around for help. Keep going. Get counseling for yourself individually and as a couple if he is willing. If he is not willing, it is time for you to move on with your life and be happy.

Post # 15
Member
5959 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@loveorleave:  Last year, right around this time, Mr. 99 and I got REAL close to calling it quits…between his temper and my pent up resentment, our house was a hell hole…he totally withdrew from me and I was on auto-pilot out of self preservation and one day, I’m driving to work and he calls me out of the blue and says, “I love you, and we’re losing each other, I don’t want this marriage to fall apart, find a counselor and let’s go soon.”  I started crying, he started crying, I went to work, found a great counselor who functioned in our vein of beliefs and we went for six months…I got to say the stuff I needed, he finally HEARD me and didn’t shut down and slowly, things healed, and repaired and changed.

You both have to want it, but it works if you both are willing to work.

Today, we are an amazing team…our communication is wicked, amazing, crazy, freaky bordering on the Vulcan Mind Meld level of awareness and we found out that even if things are shitty, and everything sucks, we’d rather be together than apart…and I count that as Thing No. 1 in our book of why we’re awesome.

The topic ‘What to do?! Is divorce in my future? ;-(’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors