(Closed) what to do next- call engagement off

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
7291 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Take it one day at a time. You obviously had a big blow out and the after math of those things are often exagerated.

You have to do whats best for you and your child . While this relatioship could probably still be salvaged with some communication, and dealings with the mother, only you know the reality of it all.

Post # 4
Member
1133 posts
Bumble bee

Just wow. I don’t know if I have any words of wisdom or advice BUT I did want to comment to empathize with you. That seems real sh!tty of his mom to be asking her grown ass son why he is giving $40 to his FIANCE. That makes absolutely NO sense to me. All I’m trying to think is if my SO’s mom asked him that, what his reaction would be. Honestly that would never come up but if it did I don’t think he would be defending his mom. I would classify my SO as a momma’s boy but not to that extent?? This man is supposed to be marrying you and that’s not how a grown man acts -__-

Have you guys have a really rocky relationship?? Could this little fight be an “excuse” for him to leave? If it is, that’s just sad. Yall have a child together therefor you are a family and I would think the communication would be more open/better by now. I wish I had advice but it’s so hard to JUDGE others when you don’t know them, ya know?? I just pray you guys do what’s right for you. By your post, it doesn’t seem like you are sad and wanting to work it out. You seem maybe kinda over the antics?? I wish you the best luck honey 🙂

Post # 5
Member
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@notsurewhat2do:  “Shouldn’t be telling you when he gets large sums of money?” UH…WHAT?!?!?!? You’re his WIFE (almost)! I dunno, some couples have separate finances but I believe in a traditional joint finances/checking style.

When things cool down, I think that you should definitely tell him very calmly how you feel and ask for an apology. If he can’t give it to you, you will need to seriously evaluate your pro’s and con’s of the relationship…. It makes it so hard with a child, though. My general rule of thumb is more than 4 fights like that a year and that’s too much for me.

Post # 6
Member
3691 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Why is he telling his mommy what the two of you (as a couple) do with your money?  It’s none of HER business!

Post # 8
Member
4477 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’m so sorry for what’s going on.  Geez, his mom sounds like a real piece of work.

Post # 9
Member
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Time for a serious conversation and a layout of ground rules with his mother. Calling him a mama’s boy = I’m sure money isn’t the only sore point. My Fiance used to share waaaaay too much info with his mom and it caused a lot of problems between me and her and between him and her. We talked about what kinds of things were her business and what weren’t.

Good luck.

Post # 10
Member
298 posts
Helper bee

As a girlfriend to a self-proclaimed mama’s boy, I can tell you that this would make my blood boil!!!

I would tell my SO to grow a pair of balls and stand up for the woman he loves.  I have been in your situation with my SO and it drives me insane every time he puts his mom’s opinion over mine.  However, we are not engaged or married, so I have little room to complain.  YOU have EVERY reason to be upset!

Post # 12
Member
11271 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

hopefully a good conversation can help with these issues.  they always say that money and family are 2 of the things that cause marriage problems.

good luck

 

Post # 14
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

That’s awful! I hope you two work it out. When things calm down I think you need to have a serious discussion as to what’s private and what’s not and also when to allow parents to influence ‘couple’ decisions. Finances should not initially be the parents concern. I think talking about when it is appropriate to allow their influence would be good…like…if you guys ended up in serious debt and no one could account for where the money was going but you keep asking for more or something. His mother’s comments about giving his fiance $40 shouldn’t influence him in the slightest and he needs to learn boundaries when it comes to sharing information. Yuck!

Post # 15
Member
4325 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Good luck chatting!

Post # 16
Member
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m sorry, but you are engaged and you have a child together and he sides with his mother? This sounds like all kinds of trouble. There’s no way I would stay in that relationship. You deserve to be honored and respected, and he needs to have a chat with his mom about her minding her own business. 

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