Post # 1
Regular bee going anonymous—
I am engaged and my wedding is suppose to be by the end of the year. Last night, I overheard a conversation between my fiance and his mother and now I am thinking the wedding is going to be called off.
Basically my fiance is a momma’s boy and his mother isn’t necessarily fond of me. I have kept the peace by staying silent but last night I couldn’t hold my tongue any more. Earlier in the day, my fiance called me and told me he got his refund. So I asked him for $40 and we drove to the bank so he could get the money for me. Well I guess when he was going to get the money for me, his mother called and asked him what he was doing (which he told her) and asked him why was he getting $40 and he told her why. As he headed back into the car, his car blue tooth connected with his phone and I overheard his mother asking when do I get paid and that he shouldn’t be telling me when he gets large sums of money…. WTF?
I should mention, I am the breadwinner in the house and basically take care of my fiance. He works part time and therefore can not contribute half to the rent/utilities. He does give me money, but not half of everything so I am carrying the financial load.
So his mother’s comments started the argument between us- I felt like he was defending her comments instead of putting her in her place – I mean we are (were?) suppose to be getting married. Well, the argument got so intense that he left and went to stay with his mother. He called me earlier today (we have a child together) and said he would be by to get some of his stuff.
we have had arguments like this before and after time has passed, we work it out and get back together- but I am really disgusted about how this all came about and how my own fiance didn’t think I had anything to be upset about. I really don’t know what to do or where to go from here.
Advice? Words of wisdom?
Post # 3
Take it one day at a time. You obviously had a big blow out and the after math of those things are often exagerated.
You have to do whats best for you and your child . While this relatioship could probably still be salvaged with some communication, and dealings with the mother, only you know the reality of it all.
Post # 4
Just wow. I don’t know if I have any words of wisdom or advice BUT I did want to comment to empathize with you. That seems real sh!tty of his mom to be asking her grown ass son why he is giving $40 to his FIANCE. That makes absolutely NO sense to me. All I’m trying to think is if my SO’s mom asked him that, what his reaction would be. Honestly that would never come up but if it did I don’t think he would be defending his mom. I would classify my SO as a momma’s boy but not to that extent?? This man is supposed to be marrying you and that’s not how a grown man acts -__-
Have you guys have a really rocky relationship?? Could this little fight be an “excuse” for him to leave? If it is, that’s just sad. Yall have a child together therefor you are a family and I would think the communication would be more open/better by now. I wish I had advice but it’s so hard to JUDGE others when you don’t know them, ya know?? I just pray you guys do what’s right for you. By your post, it doesn’t seem like you are sad and wanting to work it out. You seem maybe kinda over the antics?? I wish you the best luck honey 🙂
Post # 5
@notsurewhat2do: “Shouldn’t be telling you when he gets large sums of money?” UH…WHAT?!?!?!? You’re his WIFE (almost)! I dunno, some couples have separate finances but I believe in a traditional joint finances/checking style.
When things cool down, I think that you should definitely tell him very calmly how you feel and ask for an apology. If he can’t give it to you, you will need to seriously evaluate your pro’s and con’s of the relationship…. It makes it so hard with a child, though. My general rule of thumb is more than 4 fights like that a year and that’s too much for me.
Post # 6
Why is he telling his mommy what the two of you (as a couple) do with your money? It’s none of HER business!
Post # 7
@MissTX: I am guess I am just numb to it all. I do want to work it out and continue planning the wedding and get married to him- I love him and miss him and he is a good person and father. But I don’t like how he thinks I am upset for no reason. He claims that his mother is only trying to look out for him—- but I am the main person paying the bills for the past two years. If he wasn’t living with me, he would be living with his mother because he has not found a full time job in his field and can not afford to be on his own.
It wasn’t like I asked for half of his refund check- I asked for $40 so I feel his mother’s comment was very disrespectful to me and undermining our engagement- wouldn’t be the first time (she didn’t say congrats when we got engaged). Our relationship has been very peaceful for the last year- some rough moments before that because of the whole employment situation but no, lately things have been good. Actually when he told me about the refund check he wanted to plan for us to go out of town. We haven’t had a fight in a while- I think he just immediately jumped to his mother’s defense without really thinking about whether or not she was wrong.
@macbookbee123: We haven’t had a fight in a while but her comment sure started it- he said he was “defending me” but all I heard were her comments, not his. I still feel though that I have a right to be upset and he doesn’t see it that way. This is stupid that this is all over $40 really. I do believe he will apologize but my friends are saying that I shouldn’t accept it so easy. His family has been disrespecting me for a while- little comments here and there, little things they do- my friends feel it all needs to stop.
Post # 8
I’m so sorry for what’s going on. Geez, his mom sounds like a real piece of work.
Post # 9
Time for a serious conversation and a layout of ground rules with his mother. Calling him a mama’s boy = I’m sure money isn’t the only sore point. My Fiance used to share waaaaay too much info with his mom and it caused a lot of problems between me and her and between him and her. We talked about what kinds of things were her business and what weren’t.
Post # 10
As a girlfriend to a self-proclaimed mama’s boy, I can tell you that this would make my blood boil!!!
I would tell my SO to grow a pair of balls and stand up for the woman he loves. I have been in your situation with my SO and it drives me insane every time he puts his mom’s opinion over mine. However, we are not engaged or married, so I have little room to complain. YOU have EVERY reason to be upset!
Post # 11
He just walked in the door- sat himself down and took out his computer- hasn’t said a word to me- which I guess that means he wants to talk. I will let you know what happens.
Post # 12
hopefully a good conversation can help with these issues. they always say that money and family are 2 of the things that cause marriage problems.
Post # 13
@notsurewhat2do: Yuck! It’s not his mom’s business.
Post # 14
That’s awful! I hope you two work it out. When things calm down I think you need to have a serious discussion as to what’s private and what’s not and also when to allow parents to influence ‘couple’ decisions. Finances should not initially be the parents concern. I think talking about when it is appropriate to allow their influence would be good…like…if you guys ended up in serious debt and no one could account for where the money was going but you keep asking for more or something. His mother’s comments about giving his fiance $40 shouldn’t influence him in the slightest and he needs to learn boundaries when it comes to sharing information. Yuck!
Post # 16
I’m sorry, but you are engaged and you have a child together and he sides with his mother? This sounds like all kinds of trouble. There’s no way I would stay in that relationship. You deserve to be honored and respected, and he needs to have a chat with his mom about her minding her own business.