(Closed) What to do?? Should I tell my fiance??

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

it’s not your place to say anything to anyone about this.  it’s probably eating you up inside but just think to yourself, what would this change?  probably nothing.  your fi is still the same great guy and that’s all that matters.

Post # 4
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I don’t know…it’s a really tough call. I think I would want to know if there were a rumor like that floating around that “everyone” knew about but me. But some people would rather not know.

Since you know your Fiance best, maybe try to think about what he would prefer in the situation.

Post # 5
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

If you heard it, do you not think he did? He probably heard it too.

Post # 6
Member
914 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I know you want to take care of your Fiance and look out for his best interests, but in this case it’s best to back off. You don’t know if this is a fact and, even if you did, you don’t want to be the one to break the news to him. He may resent you as the source of this knowledge, even though it wouldn’t be fair to. If the whole town knows and it’s not such a well kept secret, it will come out on it’s own or, even if it doesn’t, it’s not your secret to tell. Just be there for him if he ever found out and love him unconditionally.

Post # 7
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Personally, I know people will say “it’s not your business”, but I can’t imagine keeping this from my fiance husband (jeez, I am never going to get that right!! I’m also the person who writes “2011” on my checks until December, and then I’ll write “2012” until December 2013, too lol). I tell him everything. And, imagine if he finds out a week, a month, a year from now and then subsequently finds out that you had heard this and never said anything…? I’d be hurt if my husband did that to me.

Post # 8
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Maybe he knows and just doesnt care and feels like his dad is his dad biological or not…. maybe its something he has chosen to ignore and not share…..  It is not your place to tell him, and im sure if you are hearing it he has to have heard it.  Its not giong to change anything it may only hurt him.  Or mabye its something he just doesnt want you to know and thinks its just better kept as a family secret???

regardless dont say anything….

Post # 10
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I was actually in a similar situation to your Fiance when I was younger. Everyone knew something about my family situation, but they were very hush-hush about it (and went as far as to lie to me on many occasions). I was so hurt when I found out the people I loved kept this from me, and it really hurt my trust for them. Personally, I would tell him because I wouldn’t be willing to risk hurting him/losing his trust if he ever found out you kept it from him. You know your Fiance best, so I can’t tell you if he would want to know or not. I just wanted to offer some perspective from someone who was on the other end. 

Edit: I wanted to add that I actually resented the people who knew and did not tell me rather than resenting someone who did the way PP have suggested could happen. I don’t think you can ever be 100% certain about what is right, but I believe honesty is best in any situation like this. I feel keeping it from him will be much more likely to reflect poorly on you in his eyes. That was my experience at least. 

Post # 11
Member
5405 posts
Bee Keeper

Ever heard “don’t kill the messenger?”

I wouldn’t tell him. It’s speculation. It may be true, may not be true. But if you bring it up, I would imagine it could cause problems with his family’s relationship with you. Or like a PP said, he may resent you for telling him, even though it’s illogical. 

Post # 12
Member
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

This is tough spot to be in.  I would make my decision based on what you think he would want.  I think it is completely your business.   Do you intend on having children with him?  I wouldn’t want everything to come out one day because my children was doing a genetics activity at school and blood types didn’t make sense!  Yes, believe it or not that does happen!

 If he wasn’t the person you were going to marry then it would be a different story.  I have two cousins who have no idea that the reason their parents got divorced 20 years ago was because their dad was selling drugs out of their basement.  My aunt chose not to tell them, but all of us cousins know what happened.  Since the secret does not directly affect us, we don’t say anything. 

Whatever you decide, i hope it gives you peace of mind!

Post # 13
Member
581 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I would not tell him anything, especially becuase it has the potential to ruin your (meaning you and your fiance) wedding.  If you really feel like you must do something, would it be appropriate to speak to his mother about the situation (I don’t know your relationship with her)?

Post # 15
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think its crazy that PPs wouldn’t tell their husbands about a rumour going around about them, even if it weren’t true. Maybe a friend, but your husband? Who else can he trust to be honest with him?

Imagine if he found out that you had heard about this and kept it from him.

I would tell him, not implying that you believe it, but saying hey, did you know that there is this crazy awful rumour going around about you?

Post # 16
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Roe:  I would tell him, not implying that you believe it, but saying hey, did you know that there is this crazy awful rumour going around about you?


I agree! And, even if I knew it weren’t true, I can’t imagine not even mentioning it.

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