Post # 1
I’m sure this is a common dilemma, but I am unsure what to do. We’re getting married January 10. We invited 444 people to our wedding. I know it’s a huge number, but we anticipated about 280–300 people. We sent our save the dates to most everyone because a lot of people would be coming from out of city from my side. Sent the invitations 7 weeks ahead. The RSVP date was December 10–one month before the wedding, and I figured we’d get some later because of the holidays. What I wasn’t expecting is that so far 180 people have not responded! That’s 88 invitations. 164 people are coming to the wedding as of right now. Four families have reserved with the hotel and the date the block is released is Christmas.
Do you have any suggestions? Should I contact these people to see if they are coming? I am OK if people aren’t able to come, I just want to know the number. 🙂 We have to tell the caterer by December 27 how many people are coming, with up to 75 more allowed. I’d love any advice y’all have!
Post # 3
Personally, I would start calling. You need to know and they need to understand that. Use the excuse, that you need to give final numbers to the venue for food, etc… People will hopefully understand and let you know one way or another right there on the phone. But I’d most definitley call. Your wedding is coming up fast and with Christmas now, hopefully you can catch people before they leave town.
Post # 4
Break the list up and start calling people. 180 people…or 180 invitations? Is that more like 100 invitations?
This is where you grab your mom, your bridesmaids, give them a list, and have them call your guests, explaining they haven’t RSVP’d yet, but the bride needs to know. Then they compile the info and filter it back to you.
Seriously, this is a classic bridesmaid job =].
My Mother-In-Law offered to call the 10 people or so who didn’t have the courtesy to RSVP promptly, haha. Then she was the bad lady telling them they couldn’t invite extra people (thank goodness–she was probably more tactful and polite about it than me–i woudl have said hell no!) and then would let me know.
I’d do it this weekend, before the holidays next week or you’ll never get an answer
Post # 5
Go ahead and call them up! Or send an email. Just keep the tone friendly, and it will be fine! It’s not rude to contact them now- a few weeks after the RSVP date.
Post # 6
Yes you need to contact these people and ask if they are attending or not. Tell them that the caterer and venue require an exact headcount.
Post # 7
- Wedding: March 2010 - Ritz-Carlton, Half Moon Bay
call them, tell them how dare they be delinquent, don’t they know much work a wedding is, do they think you set the rsvp deadline just for fun…just kidding!
but i do agree with the others, you should totally call (even though it’s a lot of calls!) and keep the tone friendly, and use the catering deadline as an excuse why you needed to call them up.
another thing you could do, if it’s feasible, is send an email to the nonresponsive guests just to let them know that you hope they can come and if they could please let you know (maybe you could offer that they rsvp by responding to the email) because of the catering deadline. if you get some email rsvp’s, that will cut down on the number of phone calls you have to make.
Post # 8
I am so totally one of these people!
Maybe send an email out to those that haven’t responded and then if you still haven’t heard anything in a couple of days, then follow up with phone calls. You really need to get a count and I don’t think its rude to try to figure out.
Post # 9
Also, to make the task less daunting for one person, divide them into groups and have folks help you out in calling. People tend to be more honest when they aren’t talking to the host, sad to say.
Post # 10
Thanks for the advice! I, too, am one of “those” people. It’s karma! After I watched my Future Sister-In-Law, IL 😉 struggle with RSVP’s last year for her wedding I made a really big effort to RSVP to people!
What do you think about a text to people I talk to more regularly? That’s not as time consuming as 88 phone calls. Some are my fiance’s– he can be in charge of that! Some are my mom’s friends– she can deal with that. I am relieved to know it’s ok to call people up about this. Whew!
Post # 11
Also, good point about people being more honest with not-the-bride. I really don’t mind if people can’t come. I just need to know!
Post # 12
I think text is fine! Half my bridal party didn’t RSVP! So I have been texting them, I also facebooked a few people too! I think any means of communication in order to get the RSVPs in is good. You still have some time left to get this done, so that’s good, I still need about 50 RSVPs yet, and my event is two weeks away!!! Ahhh!
Post # 13
It’s time to start calling!
You have to remember that some people – no matter what you do – are going to be rude. They’re going to bring guests that weren’t invited, send RSVPs late, or – my favorites – send an RSVP and don’t show, or show and don’t send an RSVP.
Get as many known “for sure” as you can – as these above things WILL happen, and you have to be prepared. I’m sure your caterer can accommodate 10 unexpected guests better that s/he can handle 100!
Post # 14
Yeah, for such a large guest list I”m sure you’ll have people doing all kinds of things like Shirley said. But you do need to start calling and when you call, remind people about booking the hotel.
We put all the info on our web site, but anticipate everyone to ignore the hotel booking deadline anyway. Sending out a friendly mass email to your friends and family is totally fine to remind them about the hotel, but individual calls are necessary for the RSVP’s.
Post # 15
I would start calling people. Especially since the hotel block is going to be released soon you need to know how many of those rooms will actually be used by your guests.
Post # 16
Don’t worry about making excuses for why you’re calling. They didn’t do their part, which I’m guessing you made easy by including RSVP cards and postage, so you need to know their status.
In the past RSVP cards weren’t even necessary, as it was customary for guests to send a hand-written note.
I’m sorry for this stress so close to your wedding date. Hopefully you can get some help.
Some people just don’t know good etiquette.