(Closed) What to do- unsupportive brother in wedding party

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Honestly, this might just be something about him a marriage. It might not have anything to do with you. Or he could be worried about your well being. I do think you should talk to him again because it isn’t okay to be telling your family these things! This is supposed to be a happy time for you and he needs to realize that this impacts that.

Also, about his gf wanting to get engaged… he needs to handle that himself and if that is sparking these feelings he needs to know that you are at a completely different place with your Fiance.

Unless there are valid reasons he should suck it up and be happy for you!

Post # 5
1249 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

I’m in the same situation.  FI’s sister is a bridesmaid, and when I asked her to read a poem at the wedding, I found out that she doesn’t support the marriage, because she doesn’t think people under 25 should get married.  Fiance is 25, I’m 24 and a half.  What.  The.  Eff.  So basically I’m just letting it go and ignoring her.  Whatevs.  She is 21 and stupid. 

I think you should just ignore your brother, tell him where to be and in what tux, and just let it go. 

Post # 7
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

What do your parents say?  If I were them, I’d be having a pretty harsh convo with him.

Honestly, I agree with the PP’s who say that, given what you’ve said here, your brother is more down on the idea of marriage then of you getting married and your Fiance.  That being said, you need to talk to him again.  He is young and it’s possible that he doesn’t understand that a) the stuff he’s saying is getting back to you, and b) that what he is saying is extremely hurtful.

I honestly would explain to him that what he is doing is hurting you and that it’s affecting your relationship with him and your desire to have him as a Groomsmen.  Go through all the stuff that you’ve said before with the caveat that if he doesn’t stop making the comments, you’re going to have to ask him to step down, as you only want people who support the marriage to stand up with you.  Tell him that nothing would make you more sad then having to do this, but what he is doing is extremely disrespectful to you and your Fiance and the family that you are going to be creating on the day you get married.

I’m sorry you’re going through this.  It sounds awful.

Post # 9
7693 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@MissBananaBread: It sounds like he is pretty young.  I would just let it go and ignore it.  Anything you may say may damage your relationship with him, and you know the truth. You’ll be married soon.  That’s what matters.

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