Post # 1
Member
1004 posts
Bumble bee
So I posted on here before about a problem bridesmaid. I have a couple who are extreme procrastinators. One is by far worse. She never answers her phone or texts or emails me back. I have called her almost everyday for 2 weeks before and not talked to her. She is supposed to a good friend. I know she has a lot going on in life, but seriously she can’t pick up the phone and talk to me but can be on Facebook all the time. Priorities huh? Anyway, this coming Monday is the deadline for the bridesmaid dresses to be ordered to ensure they arrive on time. All but her have taken care of their dress. I sent her an email last week just asking if she knew when she might be going in to order and that I would be happy to go with her and even offered to drive her there. No response. Her daughter is supposed to be our flower girl and her dress needs to order by Monday as well. If it’s a money issue and she can’t afford it, fine please tell me, I will understand and not be mad at all. But ignoring me hurts bad.
What do I do/say to her? I need to know if she still plans on being in the wedding.
Help?? She is supposed to be a close friend but I am not sure she feels the same.
Post # 3
Member
1057 posts
Bumble bee
DUDE I had the SAME issue. Except, we would make a date to go order the dress like 5 times and each time something would “come up” and she couldn’t go. I had given her a deadline of October 1st. The date came and went and I didn’t ask her about the dress. Two weeks later she told me she just ordered the dress and “sorry it took so long, someone stole me debit card and I had to rush to the bank to get a new one just to order your dress.”
I just don’t understand some people. For her I gave her an ultimatum. Order the dress by the first, or you won’t receive the dress in time to be in the wedding.
Post # 4
Member
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
Since she is an FB junkie, you can try contacting her there. If you see that she’s posting on others’ walls but not responding to you then there might be a bigger issue. If you know her work schedule, you can try showing up adhoc at her door when you know she’s going to be at home and have a gentle chat about what’s eating her. She might be in a big mess of things.
Post # 5
Member
1004 posts
Bumble bee
I have told her the deadline numerous times. We went back in August to pick out the dress and the salon said to order by the October 25th or we may not get them in time. She assured me she would order it by then. Has she, no. I am almost certain it’s a money issue. I just wish she would talk to me because I would understand.
Post # 6
Member
1870 posts
Buzzing bee
Well, I wouldn’t equate this with her rejecting you as a friend just yet. And I have to point this out: “I have called her almost everyday for 2 weeks before and not talked to her”–seriously? Every day for 2 weeks?? No offense, but I probably wouldn’t take your calls either after that. I know it sucks to be ignored, but I’m saying this as a gentle reminder: your BMs have lives and your wedding isn’t a top priority for them as it is for you. Maybe there ARE other things in her life that’s going on and she doesn’t want to burden you with her problems. Or maybe she’s simply busy. As far as the dress goes, don’t start panicking just yet: she still has the weekend to do this and maybe that’s what she was planning to do all along. I’m the sort that tends to do things last minute, so I would be the type to pencil in a fitting probably the weekend before the deadline.
You can lead the horse to water; you can’t make them drink. The best you can do is call her/send email etc. and explain the situation (unless you’ve already done so): she has to order by Monday. And then leave her alone and in the meantime, come up with some sort of contingency plan in the event she doesn’t get the dress: will you ask the shop to do what they can? Tell her she can’t be in the wedding (and her daughter can’t be in the wedding)? Ask her out for coffee and get her to talk to you about what’s going on? Then call the salon at closing on Monday, find out whether or not she came in and if not, then put your contingency plan into action.
Post # 7
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee
I agree with laying it on the line with her. If you have that hard a time getting a hold of her, perhaps you can drop by her place?? If all else fails you’ll have to leave her a message. If she still doesn’t respond, I guess you have your answer. If she’s that bad about returning phone calls, she is going to be way too difficult to handle for the wedding.
I’m sorry she’s doing this. In your last line you sounded unsure about her friendship. I feel like she really isn’t being a good friend. Perhaps she does feel differently. If you call her everyday for two weeks and she doesn’t return any calls, that’s a little ridiculous. I understand friends can show their loyalty in different ways. And how they define their friendships can differ quite a bit. So sometimes we need to cut our friends some slack, (that while we might feel hurt by something, they might not have realized they’ve done anything to hurt you). But I have to say in this case, I think you should start leaving some of the balls in her court. I know how much that can hurt. But it’s not really a friendship if you are working so hard, and getting so little in return. I’m sorry.
Post # 8
Member
1004 posts
Bumble bee
When I do call it’s not to talk about the wedding. I call her because I care about her. I want to know what she’s been up to, how things are in her life. I just want to talk.
Post # 9
Member
1870 posts
Buzzing bee
Yeeeeaaaahhhh….I’m not buying it.
Let me clarify–I don’t doubt your intentions or that you care about your friend very much. But that’s what I’d think if I were in her position–when you get a bunch of calls that are about a dress fitting followed (or mixed in with) calls saying, “I’m really worried about you,” ultimately what’s probably being communicated is, “I’m really worried about you…because I want to make sure that you’re in the right dress for my wedding.” Again, not saying that’s what you think, but that might be how it’s coming across to her.
IF your friend is having money issues as you suspect, I would encourage you to invite her out for coffee or make a genuine invitation to do something low-key with her, but to tread delicately. It is humiliating to have money problems and although I have no doubts you are a sympathetic and kind person who only wants the best for your friends, it’s nevertheless a very difficult thing to admit and a harder thing to ask for help on. She may not be ready to have that discussion with you or anyone yet.
Do you want to remain friends with her? Then you’ll just have to accept that she’s not interested in talking to you right now and be patient. If you dislike her behavior, then you can give her one last shot and otherwise let her go.
Post # 10
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
@mrskisstobe: I would say if you’re having so many issues with her and getting a hold of her via telephone or email and she’s always on facebook….hit her up on facebook and tell her its imperative that you two speak. Ask her if she still wants to be apart of your big day or just attend. If ot comes to the point where her dress isn’t ordered on time, and she knew when the deadline was…you may just have to let her know you won’t be needing her as a bridesmaid. Stay positive, smile, and have a great day.
T
Post # 11
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
- Wedding: August 2011 - Blossom Heath
I can understand why some of the commenters feel that you may have been a little extreme with your calling because that is alot of phone calls but as your friend she could’ve answered the phone or at least text you back and let you know she was busy even if it was in the middle of the night.
I don’t have any sympathy for the friend in this case because if you guys went in August dress hunting and it is now October I can understand how that makes you think that she just doesn’t care. She has had 3 months to open her mouth and tell you that she couldn’t afford the dress or that she didn’t want to be in the wedding and she would rather be a guest. Heck you may have even be able to pick a less expensive dress to help her out. I just don’t think that it’s fair to you.
Your emotions are already running high and the last thing you want to worry about is a fickle bridesmaid and if she is like this now how will she be when the wedding gets closer… I would give her until Oct. 25th and she doesn’t order the dress I would just let her know not to worry about it.
Post # 12
Member
1004 posts
Bumble bee
I think the biggest reason is because when I have actually talked to her about the dress she said she was waiting on her check from school and that was a month or more ago. She said if she didn’t get her check then she would ask her mom for the money and just pay her back. I picked out a dress that is $120 and they would need to put $60 down to order. I don’t want to hold up everyone else who has had their order in on time just because she won’t/can’t order. I want her in the wedding because I truly care about her and I even offered to loan her the money for her down payment and she refused it. I think it just comes down to her not wanting to be in the weddig which is fine, I am not forcing her to be a part of the day.
Post # 13
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
Seriously? Don’t do anything. You’ve done all you can. You shouldn’t have to brow beat someone into being in your wedding. If she doesn’t order her dress then that solves your problem. And if she decides her daughter can’t be the flower girl for whatever reason, you don’t have to have a flower girl.
Post # 14
Member
1004 posts
Bumble bee
I am getting to the point where I am now mad at the whole situation. I kind of regret ever asking her to be in the wedding. I really thought we were good friends. I guess I should know better because she has always been like this. Before Fiance even got engaged, I would call her to see how things are or what not and she wouldn’t answer or call me back for days or even weeks. I stood by her when her ex and her divorced and helped her in anyway I could. Don’t get me wrong, she is a very nice person, I just don’t think she has her s**t together. Make sense? She used to run a home daycare and would never answer her phone or would screen her calls because of bill collectors. I don’t want to sound harsh because I really care for her. I just feel that I am not getting it in return.